Week 3: Vulgar (2-0) vs. Adonis (2-0) \\ Vulgar wins 7-6

[Certain]

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topics this week are available for your choosing here.

Good luck, @Vulgar and @Adonis.

[Adonis]

.

~Dr. Black Angel's Memoir~

Inhumane living. Pogrom. Death is appealing
Startlingly chilling. Each sternum's revealing.
Bag of bones – Barely breathing.
A child dies. Smiles replace grieving.
Tens of Thousands converge. Each desensitized.
Inhabiting dirt that allows them to colonize
Overcrowding. Plague like.
Tens of Thousands migrate
Your city Irate. Hired crime rate
Failed middle class Job wage.

...Plague Like...

…
…

East London – Some Years Later
And God Said...

“Dr. Jack, look at this vile place.
My name's Forsaken. Forgotten. Disgraced.
Darkness Procreates.
My Body.
My light.
My chapel.
Disseminate.
Please, Fix This...Yesterday."

The voice clear. Fairly crystal.
Grabbed a map – Whitechapel – A beckoning sigil.
Overpopulated. Stench of disgust.
Piss filled streets teaming with sluts.
Liquor breath Stagger. Gentlemen strut.
Breast cupped. Allowed to. Passionless.
Lucky Jezebel. Slit and tits – Ration-less.
Midnight's kissing hell
Darkness segregated. Fondled until evil escalated.
Battered foreigners Propagate.
Serpentine tongues rot-away.
On a carrousel. Floating atop Devils Bay.

These vile people. I under exaggerate.
I can change it... All of it...
As of Yesterday.

...

I set in motion. Seductress' sings.
Her organs play a chilling symphony.
Precise Incisions. God-like physician.
Purge a soul removing sole ambition.
Pocket full of dreams. Mouth full of Genes
Valiant vagabond. Out with the spleen.
Disembowel...Disinfect
Transgressed, Necrophiliac.

Good riddance Darkness.
I'll carve light into your skin case.
Our first date was too great.
Soon East London Shall reshape.
And Whitechapel will be forever...
IN YOUR GRACE.

I promise Lord.


~Ripper~




Topic: The drums never stop beating in your head. Everywhere you go, you hear the drums.

[Vulgar]

"The Dawn of Truth"


One morning when I stepped out onto the porch for a smoke
Coffee in hand, a bowl of porridge and oats
I discovered Puff the Magic Dragon was sitting in my favorite chair
I slowly approached...
I grabbed the broom from the closet and tried to shoo him away
The flames scalded my beard as he blew in my face
I smelled brimstone, dragon vagina and weed... the last one putridly laced
Called him the hugest disgrace, his eyes resembled Jupiter's base
Bloodshot, with vessels red...
He loved pot, because it sent him to a truly beautiful place
Puff barked at me, "Arguing against marijuana is a futile debate!"
Now don't get it twisted...
I'm all about fields of tobacco, Cuban cigars and rosary groves
but weed makes you stupid - turning young kids into disorderly dopes
It makes you useless... Puff begged to differ,
"That's a load of sheep bone!
don't cancer sticks wreak and make your throat conceive holes?!"
"Do you wanna take a hit?" He passed the blunt to me
"Nah, I'm good, I've got a pack of ciggies. Now THAT'S a luxury!"
I said this a tad rambunctiously,
since my lungs are a strung together pair of ashen tumbleweeds
To tell you the truth, I was tempted to take a draft of supple green
and forever be a member of an everlasting Munchies Team..
"Over 400 thousand people die a year from tobacco in America alone
that's more of a red flag than any CIA classified terrorism zone..."
"It's an earthen work of perfect chemistry. Especially that purp serenity
It ushers peace and relaxation, then brings a burst of energy
It's king of herbal remedies...
they've got the nerve to make it illegal - the system terms it 'felony'
Puff the Magic Dragon looked into my soul and saw misconception
Misdirection, and in that moment taught me a sufficient lesson
We smoked for hours that morning...he spoke with such awesome passion
that all I could do was take a draught & started laughing...




Topic: You walk out of your front door one Monday morning to the sight of a mythical creature.

[Just Write]

The voice clear. Fairly crystal.
Grabbed a map – Whitechapel – A beckoning sigil.
Overpopulated. Stench of disgust.
Piss filled streets teaming with sluts.
Liquor breath Stagger. Gentlemen strut.
Breast cupped. Allowed to. Passionless.
Lucky Jezebel. Slit and tits – Ration-less.
Midnight's kissing hell
Darkness segregated. Fondled until evil escalated.
Battered foreigners Propagate.
Serpentine tongues rot-away.
On a carrousel. Floating atop Devils Bay.

Mmmmm, adonis I really liked tha part. The closing stanza too. This whole piece just had a beautiful feel too it. I wish I could write like that, truly. I really enjoyed the route you took here this week. At first glance I didnt think I was going to like it because I rarely like short bar but the was a chilling look into the doctors mind frame. Again I enjoyed it tremendously


Vulgar, lol I guess if you're going to write about any mythical creature puff the magic dragon is the one to do it about ahahaha. Anyways this was pretty good, definitely not up to your usual standards but good. I just didnt like the ending. It sort of felt like it was abrupt. It kinda sucks that you write all these beutiful pieces and almost set a standard for yourself that we expect to see.what I mean is for an average writer this would be a great piece but coming from you (whho's my top 3 favorite writers ever) it just seemed a little lacking. Great story though

Hmm this is interesting, I hate when my decision is so close lol. I like clear cut decisions but this week im going with what was more enjoyable to me and this week that was adonis

Mvgt=Adonis

[timeless]

Ad, not really sure how the topic you chose comes into play with your piece here. Not really too much a fan of this style of writing, let alone the vague "topical" type of approach to it, but I enjoyed it honestly. Your wording was crisp, flow was off a couple times but other than all those minors in my preferences, overall not bad.

V, lol I took the same kind of approach to the same topic, only it was sasquatch smoking all the weed. some comedy in here, some of the wording seemed force, especially in the beginning. Looks like you had a difficult time getting started. I also wish your story was more rounded. Basically was just the main character and the magic dragon discussing the pros and cons of weed, come on now.

V. Adonis for a more polished piece, imo. if vulgar had more depth to his story, he wouldve easily had this.

[zygote]

Vulgar's lighthearted fast paced tone was excellent and a complete contrast to Adonis more serious slower one. Stylistically, both were different yet equal. Connection to the topic from Adonis was a bit tangential, which is alright, I interpreted it as a kind of discussion about delusional disorder disguised as a Jack the Ripper story. I don't know where the aspect of drums beating in the head comes into it other than maybe you are comparing the psychosis aspect with the chaos of never ending drum beats? It's a little bit muddled, but can't hold it too much against it, since the other aspects to back up your theme were excellent. Vulgar's effort here was very direct, enjoyed the sudden progression in the last half into the kind of paranoia/conspiracy theory part, it was an excellent juxtaposition with the beginning comedic description with the broom. Very interesting overall. Voting for Vulgar.

[Mike Wrecka]

great battle here. two very different verses and styles


Adonis - I love the short lines. when you use short lines it seems poetic but in reality that's how short lines need to be if you are going to spit to a beat, most of the time. depending on the BPM of the instrumental. so it really flows well to me. plus I just love the concept of saying so much with so few words. I strive for that sometimes but its not easy. this was a really cool enjoyable verse.

Dr. Jack, look at this vile place.
My name's Forsaken. Forgotten. Disgraced.
Darkness Procreates.
My Body.
My light.
My chapel.
Disseminate.
Please, Fix This...Yesterday."


that is just awesome.

my one gripe and maybe im retartded. its totally possible. actually its likely. but I don't see the correlation to the topic. maybe he is crazy so he hears drums in his head. that's really a weak connection to the topic so minus points imo for a great verse.



Vulgar - when I started reading this verse I thought , meh this shit is immature and childish. he missed the mark. but as it went on I soon became enthralled with the beauty of the mechanics and the superiority and complexity of the multis. then once the piece had my interest piqued you changed the tone and the piece while still lighthearted became more mature in content. really talking about the ramifications of smoking while still keeping that vicious flow.


overall - while I do like the short lines Adonis used, Vulgar showed why sometimes longer lines are better because it give you more room to perform these lyrical acrobatics if you will. Adonis did have the cooler story though, I liked the tone a lot. and he did have a really really good flow himself. all that considered I say tie but with Adonis' weak correlation to the topic Im leaning vulgar here. thanks for the read guys.


Vote - Vulg

[YDK]

Short vote
Adonies I wasn't really a fan of the short short short lines this week man, it really held the flow back from what could have been dope. the short lines and overly punctuated parts really made it read like only a story because the flow never held solid for me. The story itself was cool but didn't connect with the topic very well either, I can see how metaphorically it held to it but even then it was a bit of a reach imo.
Vulgar, decent drop bro, not the best I've seen from you either but the flow was ten times smoother than Adonis' this week and the story and topic felt more connected aswell.
good shit fellas but I gotta vote for vulgar

[Zen]

On my phone so it could be short.

Adonis: This is the topic I started writing to do its nice to see someone writing to it as well. This was very well written. I've always been a fan of your style that's poetic but flows very well. This was the same. The only problem is I can't see how the topic relates to the writing. I'm assuming that you're implying that the drums are what made him go mad?

Vulgar: This was the shit lol. Are you a pothead Focker? Anyway the writing in this was excellent and it was a very unexpected take as well. The flow was damn near perfect with the exception of the first few lines which were off to me. The story was also helped with small details like feeling doubt and things like that.

V/Vulgar

[Pinot Grij]

Adonis. I like the shorter style. Your verse could've used a little more color around the edges, more precise writing... I understand that the piece was meant to be stripped back, but at the same time that worked for and against you. Overall, I thought it was a good storytelling venture, you still labored a bit in the topical realm that kept it from really popping.

Vulgar, I was not feeling this at all. Overall, the take on the topic was kinda bland, there were some really were word choices (disorderly dopes/conceive holes) and I hate stoner culture. It just wasn't for me.

Vote - Adonis

[oats]

Adonis: This was dope on many levels. The writing itself was a reflection of the drumming in the head. Slow, steady, relentless. Tying that into the mind of the religious serial killer was very appropriate. If I were to pick a nit, it would be that the ills of modern society seemed rehashed, which is unfair because hey, it's the truth, just came off as a bit expected, I suppose.

Vulgar: As someone emerging from a stoned slumber all weekend, this definitely spoke to me. It's hard comparing this to Adonis, because the ground you tread was inherently less...serious? I can't think of a better word than that. Being light in tone is not a bad thing by any means, but the juxtaposition doesn't always do it justice. I liked how you meandered off into the tobacco vs. marijuana discussion a little, though I can't say there was much added to that discussion, which I would have liked to see more of.

Vote: Honestly, this was probably the surprise of the week for me. I think Adonis just had a more interesting angle for me, and I connected with it on a deeper level. More to chew on, I suppose. Vulgar had a good verse in his own right, I just didn't get as much out of it as I did Adonis'. Good shit, probably my favorite battle this week.

[King Ra.]

Interesting match here. Probably the most difficult. Adonis, once again flexing your poetic, short lined style and once again it was well done. Your piece had a dark, gritty type of tone. You did a great job with your word choice. I wouldnt say storywise this was the best, it really read like a dark poetic letter, probably the aim you were going for, but outside from that a job well done. Vulgar, I'd say your piece comes second to Frank's from a creativity standpoint because this was pretty interesting read. Your main character runs into a dragon who smokes and they carry a conversation the whole time. Good direction to take. What makes your story stick out is the way you were able to go into detail within the dialouge which is very impressive.

I can see why this match is swinging back and forth because really you can't go wrong with either. I liked Adonis' extremely dark tone and Vulgars interesting conversation with a mythical dragon. Im gonna say V takes this because his piece has a bit more depth to it, and Adonis probably could have used a bit more material to get my vote.

MVGT: Vulgar.

[Frank]

Adonis

I inspired this piece to the 10th power. The uncanny similarities to an old piece of mine were pretty apparent. The unsuspecting reader may not notice the obvious influence but I take credit for the blueprint before us.

It appears to me you may have wrote with a few themes/concepts in mind. On the front lines, the London theme seemed to be prominent so it boggled me ever so slightly when the story indeed was a play on drums in the head. I think the drums in the head could explain the flows bounce, but ultimately fails to translate the context in a fathomable ideal way in which I am accustomed to voting for. I enjoy this tempo / cadence of yours though. It's Haiku like poetic style of rhyme scheming ignores perfect placement of patterns and relies on this pulse measures. A distinct stress and emphasis placed on rhythm. I would've preferred if the piece tackled the london topic. But I am partially flattered, nonetheless.

Vulgar

This was a myth like write up. I thought you wrote rather coherently, which is ironic with it being a stoner saga and all. But ironic even more so because that is your notorious weak point. I was whisked along on a carpet ride and caught a decent buzz off this. I wasn't sure what 'drought' meant in the last line but I switched it with the word 'drag' and it made more sense. This could be one of your signature pieces. It was high on the enjoyment level for me.


Vote to Vulgar. Good battle. Thanks for the read.

[patrown]

adonis - you're getting really staccatto.. err. punchy. that word. yah. you're doing that. anyway, breaking off into a religious pun? kinda? hm. you started really going off the wall .. i kinda liked it though. this was super creepy.
Good riddance Darkness.
I'll carve light into your skin case.
i fucking knew it! some jack the ripper shit. good stuff. . just kind of broken . got the gist overall but .. i failed to connect on a deep level. kinda surface level here. some more in depth from you.. would've given u the win this week eeasily.

vulgar- anti weed piece? burn in .. errrr.. actually this piece, is pretty good. you make some valid points. lol @ munchies team/supple green.. great take on puff the m. dragon and mythical creature. i actually enjoyed it in the end.

/v vulgar - his piece felt a lil more complete this week... although i do like the staccato flow, vulgar came through a lil more solid related to the topic.

[sacrifice]

Adonis: This was a cool look inside the head of a mad man/socio/psychopath, and the inevitable reveal of the killing aspect was quite the climax. Some really subtle things used to help build to the conclusion; this fits the topic perfectly, because there are people on this planet with other beings inside their minds... perhaps manifested by the mind, perhaps not - I tend to be skeptical when it comes to spirituality and paranormality - nonetheless, in a lot of the piece it appears that the "voice in the head" if you will is constantly driving the character to kill, and each jab at society, with their religious overtones, are examples of causation, that thing that the character uses to justify his actions; or at least, his actions become in a vague sense justifiable under those conditions.

My favorite portion was the second to last section; the sense imagery here was very poignant, and it really helped this piece end with a bang. It's also cool because while there have been writings like this in various genres, this particular piece really does engage a different approach to the conclusion. The rhyming wasn't rapid-fire, but it wasn't sub-standard either, in fact, I appreciated the fact that it did rhyme, because it reads like its not supposed to.

One of the better efforts that I've had the pleasure to read by Adonis.

Vulgar: Man, this was not your best, and for a few objective reasons (I am partial to your writing for many reasons, thus...). I'll start with the ending, it definitely feels like you came back and finished up the verse after a break, or you were stuck trying to conclude, and thus it concluded abruptly and underwhelmingly. It didn't end with a comedic bang, which probably would have make this verse much better. Of course, you wrote it, so there are flashes of genius throughout, per usual. And per usual, I encountered a few over the top rhyme schemes that while sounding awkward, worked. You have a way with words, obviously. And despite the fictional nature of the dialogue between the narrator and the dragon, the content in the dialogue brought up a few arguments in the debate surrounding the drug culture. Because of that, the verse was deeper than it appears on the surface.

Man, I have to give this one to Adonis - because he impressed me. Vulgar, it happens, not every piece can be amazing, but even your stuff that may not be up to par is still always entertaining, interesting, funny (in this case), and profound (all the time).

Word.

[e11even]

Adonis- awesome drop. I loved how you structured the fractured thought Throughout. It really gave it the feel it needed given the topic and how you morphed it. I loved your word usage and just the overall gist I drew from this work. Great job.

Vulgar- i think this was kinda cool. I think the rhyming was pretty basic as was the word usage was a Lil stretched imo. Overall good, but not fantastic. Kudos though for this being a fully involved piece. I think I would have liked this more if the internal argument didn't end up as hip as hipocracy in the end. MVGT ADONIS