Week 6: Adverse vs. Jesodist (ADVERSE WINS 5-1)

[asylum]

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/10 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/12 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic:
"Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have."


Good luck to both participants.
@Adverse (0-0) @JESODIST (1-4)

[JESODIST]

The Ugly One

This here is the story of someone who is so ugly and Nothing to Loose,
A battle rap king on his prime who loves to Outshine the Upposing Few,
Make them dissappear in the air of his mind like Smoke or Dew,
Instead of modern hip hop he prefers the Sound of Blues and Birds in View,
Sailing the ocean of his mind searching for peace Slowly he Cruise,
So outdated in time he received the Oldest of News,
Ran several times for Prom king not Achieving the Win,
Crowned by the bosses overseas and Living in Sin,
Toughened by losses there is no need to Relieve him Within,
Always eager to spit the first patienly waiting for D Beat To Begin,
Not even the sun could handle the Heat that he Bring,
Sacrificing wolves like they were Sheep in the Ring,
To you he might just be another Monstrous Apparition,
But a secret world patiently awaits to review his most Glorious of Depictions,
Notorious and Laborious on the Missions rendering Euphonious Diction,
A universal judge No one could Overturn his Decision,
His paranormal work labeled The incarnation of Evil was bound for Ominous Demolition,
He learnt it aint all about being Victorious in Competitions,
When he got Stucked in Atrocious Conditions,
Uncovered by all the Sold Posers in Position,
He would burnt them Cold with Supernovas in Addition,
A slick lyrical sniper, hits well Focused with Precision,
Destructing Cyphers Sick Cinical liars willingly Come for a Prescription,
A Genius war general with Abundant Ammunition,
Mysteriously trained by voices heard in those Redundant Shows in Television,
Disrespectful like Ted, Prevailing till his Endevours are Dead,
Getting no attention from a girls Wherever he Went,
So the uderworld is where he would Forever Descent,
he stared at the heavens knowing he would Never Ascend,
His Rap was a Waste but his Heart was in Place,
not knowing what to do with him they decided to Train the kid in the Art of Combat,
A gangsta like Borat Driven by silence wondering where the World At,
His friends were the rats and roaches that lay on the Floor Mat,
discovered recently and was made a Prodigy,
Director of Art and Economy with a Master degree in Parapsychology,
Tester of the World's most Advanced Technology,
Entering the most dangerous ghettos he would Seldomlly Trap a Felon,
His Unconcious mind makes him the perfect Weapon of Armageddon,
Poisonous rhymes ejected at fast rate Wrecking Cerebellums,
The most hated Infernal Incognito, Powers unheard off Psionically Directing a Torpedo,
Dressed like a Bandido with a titanium helmet Manipulating Metal like Magneto,
Nicknamed the faceless Unholy Prophet,
He made a living in his uncles basement Assembling Atomic Rockets,
Invisible to Many...

[Adverse]

The Cliché
I remember getting my first internship downtown on Hampton
The roof nestled against the clouds, a behemoth of an establishment
Standing at the front desk, poised at the entrance of the palace
The same station I had my first encounter with Mr. Braxton
The owner of the company, white suit shined like a beacon from heaven
A smile hellbent on showing each of the pearly teeth that he was blessed with
"Sam, I presume" his facial expression looked rather amused..
After he unclasped from my shaky grasp, he patted the back of my suit
"Lighten up there, chap, i'm only a man just like you"
No more panic ensued, I relaxed for a few...
I remember getting home to that one bedroom apartment
Feeling like my whole world had expanded infinitely, like life had restarted
That day I must have left a great, first impression..
One night, Mr. Braxton invited me and my family to supper at his residence
After pleasantries and a three course meal, we stepped outside for awhile
I turned to my wife with our son in her lap, looking tired, I smiled
My 5 year old resting his eyes, being warmed by the evening sun...
My wife, glasses on, book in the other hand, reading some
As I stood there, admiring the view, only a few drops of wine in my glass
Braxton broke the silence, "That's a beautiful family you have"
"Thank you Mr. Braxton, they mean the world to me.."
"You don't get it Sam, you're the richest man in the WORLD to me."
I was taken back by the statement and laughed at the irony.
He said "I may have money, but there's a thing I couldn't pay to see"
I was puzzled, but before I could ask a a follow-up question
He let out a hefty yawn, chuckled and thanked us for our presence
I went on working at the corporation for a couple months, see
But was offered a higher position with another company
When I got home one night, In the mailbox sat a solitary letter...
Upon further inspection it listed 'MB' as the sender
Opened it carefully, holding the peace of the memento
Perched my glasses on my nose, started reading the intro...
"Dear Sam, The doctors say that I don't have too much time left
So i've been trying to make things right before my dying breaths
Let me clear some things up, i've met many rich people in my time
But most started and ended with money, you have value of many kinds
You're rich in passion, humility, kindness, things no one's ever branded me
Your wealth exceeds your net worth, you have a lovely family...
You're abundant with happiness, I hope you understand, you see
There's things money could never buy, that's why you're the richest man to me
That night I wanted to tell you Sam, the thing I couldn't see
Didn't matter if I was worth my weight in gold, it could never be
I had all the money in the world, but then my wife became diseased...
No matter how much I paid for her procedures, she never felt relieved
She passed on June 2nd, of 1993...
....And that's what I didn't tell you, I hope you see it now my friend
I just hope death could grant me something money couldn't...A chance to be with her again..."

[2tripple0]

Okay this was a decent battle and I think both of y'all showed some dope concepts to the topic...I think for me jesodhist really has a his style downpat whereas I think adverse did a good job of sticking to the topic... I'm unsure of jesodhists idea of his topic tied in as well but I think his use of multis were really exceptionally well formatted as usual to him so for me although adverse had the more tied in verse I'm still going to give my vote to jesodhist in hopes that other people will vote for him as well... I just felt like adverse could have done a better job with his use of a more concise verse because this just wasn't as impressive at a glance compared with jesodhist....so yeah....

Vote//jesodhist

[Mr. J]

JESODIST, I find it odd you wrote to a topic that you wanted changed
but the overall impact of your verse would have made your topic great!
unfortunately you decided to toy with your opponent & write a different piece
which is cool...I think? but the chance of winning was thrown of instantly.
of course our peculiar friend above finds your piece to be great due to verbiage
but if you want to battle maybe the both of you should join the NBL to prove your worthiness
its odd that you would do this while also rarely voting in the league...
nice work I guess? next week may work better for you... hopefully...

Adverse, from the start of your verse Im impressed with your wording
Its rare to see anyone use actually names in a verse & this is perfect...
you really put some focus into this & came up with a complete story
the flow is on point & the dialogue is smooth, most do it so poorly...
but this feels like a scene that could be read straight out of a book basically
its inspirational to see someone piece something like this together, I say that gratefully
most people have a short attention span & dont see the art in this meticulous craft
but you made me enjoy this from beginning to end. I thank your mysterious ass...

v/Adverse, I almost gave this to JESODIST because of his bars...
nah Im kidding, his verse was written to a topic he didnt want...
but he wrote to it anyway. & thats where he picked up the loss.
Im sure if he stayed focused this battle would have left me in awe...
but nah...Adverse came through with a well crafted piece tbh
he wrote to the topic & used some great mechanics & it was neatly paced
really nice work...JESODIST could have molded a different verse but seemed distracted
so Im giving this to Adverse for having a better verse.........magic...

[symetrik]

adverse's piece

hawt

The owner of the company, white suit shined like a beacon from heaven
A smile hellbent on showing each of the pearly teeth that he was blessed with

maybe a little rephrasing but solid.

....And that's what I didn't tell you, I hope you see it now my friend
I just hope death could grant me something money couldn't...A chance to be with her again..."

nailed this ending.

nawt

Standing at the front desk, poised at the entrance of the palace
The same station I had my first encounter with Mr. Braxton

just don't like the rhyme.

jesodist's piece

hawt

A slick lyrical sniper, hits well Focused with Precision,
Destructing Cyphers Sick Cinical liars willingly Come for a Prescription,

it's SO close to there. if you had worded this right, it would have been dope.

nawt

Not even the sun could handle the Heat that he Bring,

-.-

mvgt: adverse making me read, ugh. much more solid piece on the topic, and great story.

[Just Write]

Jesodist, I applaud your rhyming ability and this the last couple weeks you've made great improvement in the actual storytelling department and that's makes me happy. I believe English is a second language for you, if so I can look past some of the spelling errors, (if not you need to work on that still) it makes it confusing to read when the wrong words are used like "loose" instead of "lose" for example.


Adverse, first thing I've read from you and I really enjoyed it, I got into it quickly and felt a sense of satisfaction when I finished which goes a good way for me in terms of voting, again sorry for the brief votes guys. Next week I'll have more time


Mvgt= adverse for a more enjoyable piece to read

[breathless]

Jes, the capitalisation of intended multis throws off the reading, especially when a lot of them are extremely stretched and only vaguely rhyming a few of the half dozen or more syllables. My biggest pet peeve is the over use of suffix based "multis" (ition/ision etc.) You did have some killer solid multis and flow at points, but it repeatedly came to a jarring halt for me with the spelling and odd terminology/syntax. I also couldn't really follow how this fit the theme at all. You have talent though, don't get me wrong, ya just gotta polish them pieces, diamonds in the rough bro

Adverse -
Great playout of the story with the theme, sort of standard fare though. Solidly lyrical for the most part, not super fancy, but it had some hidden bits I'm sure most people won't notice with the properly stretched rhymery. I wasn't feeling the "me, be, see" section though, it was just too basic and the helper rhymes weren't strong enough. That ending though, it was like, about to bust a nut then getting nut punched right before the climax. I was expecting, with the letter, you were going to do the cliche "money rich guy is dying and gives family rich guy his money" thing, but then you never went there... I was like, alright a couple lines left, no money thing, what's the spectacular crescendo gonna be? And then, it was over...

Vote - Adverse

[Artifice]

Jesodist... you really do have a good use of your vocab and descriptive language, but I almost feel like you focus too much on trying to build multisyllabic, complex rhymes and that lose out on some of the other elements that make for a dope piece. You've definitely got skills, and keep doin' it, but maybe try focusing your efforts more on another aspect of writing. And trust me, I get the love for complex rhyming, i'm a sucker for it myself.

Adverse... really cool read. You know how to tell a story, you built it up and ended it smoothly. Wording was good, read nice and easy. Nice little twist with the way you wrapped up the 'richness isn't wealth' subject, definitely gave the piece that last little boost of emotion that made it rich itself. Welcome to the league.

v/ Adverse