Round one: Zygote vs. Split [zygote wins, Split NO SHOW]

[Adonis]

THERE WILL BE ZERO NO SHOWS...So if you do write a ten line no show verse live with the loss when a random alternate comes in and beats you..FY motherfucking I!!

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SATURDAY 6/8 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 6/9 at 11:59 PST.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week. I am much less lenient on this rule then Keith, so please vote.

While there's no absolute criteria for voting, 1 line votes and criminally underdeveloped ones won't be allowed. I will holler via private message if I think a vote of yours isn't up to snuff and you'll be allowed to develop it, as long as you do it within the deadline. At a minimum, you should aim to include what you liked and what you didn't like (if anything) about each verse as well as an explanation towards why you thought one verse was better than the other.
There is NO RECYCLING.BITING.GHOSTWRITING.

Voting ends TUESDAY 6/11 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.


NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: Incoming...



Good luck to both participants.. @zygote @Split

[zygote]

ART CRITIQUE IN RHYMING FORMAT.

Honestly, I don’t know where to start. Let’s take it all from the top,
I’ll begin by addressing the technical faults. First, the proportions are off,
it looks like the girl has microcephaly and Jesus’s hands are too small.
The faces are lazily drawn and devoid of any personality,
The meaning is lost in the way you drew the details so haphazardly.
Good symbolism is subtle - it is hidden within and finding it is a struggle.
It’s digging through the work not getting hit in the head with the shovel.
Many things are going on in your painting but nothing really interacts,
It’s passive, the interplay between the many characters severely lacks.
In all honesty it’s poor quality, I don’t feel I’m a particularly hard critic,
but your next drawing needs to be less autistic and more artistic.
Less complete retard and more avant-garde,
Don’t play this critique off as just a cynical response against “contemporary art.”
I appreciate Kandinsky and other expressionist works,
But your effort is less than superb. There’s a thin line between abstract and a mesh and a blur.
More complex doesn’t necessarily mean that something is better,
Case in point – you drew Jesus in a sombrero complete with Cyrillic letters.
What does it represent? Your mixing of themes is pompous and obnoxious,
It’s surface level patch-work drawn in a way that’s indicative of a novice.
Immanuel Kant once defined the beautiful, the sublime and the monstrous,
To paraphrase; the monstrous defeats our capacity to comprehend the concept.
And that’s the main issue with your work, the problems are deep and innate.
Your picture is easy to hate. It is art for art’s sake, you can’t even debate.
It’s all too much, there are too many objects for our attention competing,
To make it work the art itself needs to be aesthetically pleasing.
See Dali’s “The Ecumenical Council,” which is an assault on our sense of perception,
Unlike yours it does not lack direction, the many parts of Dali’s painting have a real depth and progression.
If your painting did have a meaning then it was lost in expression,
It’s like you kept on adding elements without any thought or discretion.
As for the picture as a whole - it’s not good enough to stand on its own,
I don’t emphasize with your image, no real emotions are evoked.
It doesn’t make a statement, it doesn’t promote a cause or address any significant themes,
It is not an allegory or a metaphor, it’s not subversive, ironic or different or extreme.
It is just an incomprehensible mess. It is not misunderstood.
It's just nonsense at best, and it's not any good.

[Split]

apologies for being late, was spending time with some old friends I haven't seen since freshman year. I'll be writing my verse before noonish but if y'all replace me its completely undersrandanle

@zygote @Adonis
I understand if u deny extension, basically what I'm doing is going to a hungover brunch with my ex, drinking more Red Stag, and then typing the fuck outta this verse

if you feel someone more qualified and prompt is about to step in just mention me so I get an email/ can post this in OM instead. No hard feelings. OTHERWISE dropping by 2 PM at the mos latest

[Adonis]

@zygote @Split

I have not closed this thread because Split said he would like to post tonight. But he first would need the "OK" from Zy to do so