WEEK TWELVE MAG: INSERT TITLE HERE

[Adverse]

Now listen to me, you’re not going to spend your free time jerking off today, you’ve got a text magazine to write and you’ve literally got no time for playing with your di-

Oh hey! Didn’t see you standing there! How much of that did you hear? Huh? The whole thing?! Oh well..



INTRODUCTION:
Hope everyone is doing great this week, I’ve been doing decent and will be glad to have the work week over with. We had a decent week in Week Ten, though voting kind of stalled for our contenders battle which had us sitting around longer than I’d like to be. We also seen the storyline of Eviction’s unlikely rise to champion and his expected descent back to peasantry wrap itself up. We’ve got dead man and Dominate back in the mix this week which promises for a good championship match next week either way it goes. We’ve had a few sign outs and no shows but we’re still standing at the moment. Without further ado, let’s get into it

WEEK TEN REVIEWS:

CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: FRANK VS EVICTION


Despite all the hate on Eviction (which I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around) this was a really good battle. And though the voting result didn’t quite reflect the closeness of it that doesn’t change the fact that it was a good read. What I think it came down to is Eviction tried to change his style a bit here, trying to tell a more narrative driven piece all while keeping his same honest, raw, emotional writing in the same breath. Safe to say his experiment didn’t quite work out for him here but the fact he got here in the first place is something to be proud of. Frank was Frank, his story had a lot of repetition and other usual Frank cues and he told a decent enough story to run away with this one.
RESULT: FRANK WINS

CONTENDERS MATCH: TIMELESS VS MIKE WRECKA


This one was actually a good read despite being slept on. It was interesting to see how both writers interpreted the subject on opposite ends of each other, one believing it showed strength and one believing it showed the crushing defeat of the character. Timeless had some good stuff here, metaphorically dark content and some good one liners, but he overall lacked direction in his narrative, it felt as almost it was cut and pasted back together in an impossible order. Mike on the other hand took a safer approach here and went with a simple story the reader could see coming from a mile away but was solid in his execution and that consistency’s what got him the W
WINNER: MIKE WRECKA

CANDY VS SINACOG


I liked this matchup because of the similarity in these two’s storyline throughout the years. I gave them a wild concept on purpose since they both deal with dark fantasy in their pieces from week to week, unfortunately we didn’t have a kaiju verse from either side even though I was rooting for that play. This wasn’t the best battle I’ve ever witnessed but coming out of the gates I knew we would have to find the joy in it/grin and bear it. Candy used his normal style with his normal sort of topic (just with more skeleton) Sinacog has gotten even lazier, writing about 12 lines a week instead of his classic text wall of nonsense. Candy emerged victorious in this bonafide clash of the juggernauts
WINNER: CANDY

ADVERSE VS NYCSPITZ
NYC was super uninspired here. I’m not sure if that’s because of taking an L to Eviction or if the weekly format is just starting to wear on him. All I know is when I opened the thread and seen his verse I laughed and shook my head at the same time. Hopefully he comes back in full form here soon. I based my verse primarily on every child abuse/double homicide story we have in popular western media. Didn’t break any molds but walked into an easy win.
WINNER: ADVERSE



NO SHOW SHINE
We were unlucky enough to see two no shows this week. Granted it was by the two people I expected to no show in the first place. Here’s Rock and Hal0’s respective verses.

BROKENHAL0:



'Crashed Landings''


Waking up after passing out
crash landing on a planet of squid ink colored clouds
hovering down looking for some ground acceptance the attitude
aluminum particles zoom past my dirty parachute and disintegrate
the whole craft is in flames looking like a fading vimana.

I radio to control houston we got a problem static white noise silence
as im floating in colors of gas looking for a horizon
I start seeing some fauna like grass the humidity mist my helmet like a sauna.

High quality ejection seats thank god for protecting me overlooking 3 suns
illuminating opal tundra a crowd gathers under the trees with the look of wonder
constant lightening but no thunder eternal day light with no shadows
excited frightened faces exotic curious animals.

Welcome the spaceman smooth landing tuck and roll
used my butterfly knife to cut the cords stuck in my coat
the lavender sky canopy lit up the floor standing on sand that looked like little stars.

I heard grunts and groans seen a bunch of naked woman wearing black sashes
there was one with a pointy nose her voice left me froze
ethereal tone echoed from my head through my toes.

She spoke about her world and hidden mystery's unknown
how by divine will I landed here from outer-space to be cloned
to advance her race and help her species overtake the universal throne
woman who only dream of a man from earth
with a phallic pepsi can between his legs.

There was at least 40 of these feminine beings
all beautiful as if they never aged she said even the villainous race masters
failed to escape so who run's the game were left without a choice
for the naive such a event might seem glorious to feel something nice and moist.

As the days past i came to realize these planetary porn stars are really
mutant-like blood-thirsty evil-minded sorcerers rare shape-shifters
written in folklore over throwers of an old world feeding me exotic vines
that taste like coconut and pine sending shivers up my spine see in time
you'll see the best and worst of who we are as humans
you'll see what awaits us in the future
mating succubus with horizontal vaginas that feed off thee illusions.

Satellite engineer turned demon assassin slave season im dreaming to leave this planet
before they suck me dry and leave my bones to become little homes in a demons eye
a fleeting man to create a plan that takes months to design but wont go array
i miss my earth woman they at least make sex feel like it's worth my time.

Repairing scraps of the craft it a task to keep it hidden away passing days
boring exotic metals from jungle caves lush trails curving like dna strings
the art of righteousness is best served by slitting the throats of hypocrites
probably take over 60 bars to finish it but let me not pivot from the path.

I started the engine using science I learned in Nasa's university lab
tuition few could ever afford (thanks dad) the combination price was optional
being double-fucked by some spiteful god , probable.

One evening while i was crucified getting milked by the corn
the main one to be worshiped and obeyed had a stomach of 90 hybrids
looking like a walrus with two legs with all my semen inside it
to my horror I vomit time to put a end to this primal gauntlet
I drew a map of how to escape this planets hyperbolic gates
got some water from the lake and slowly crept to my craft
before the sleeping monsters wake it started fast
that's when I released the brake.

Hovering higher and higher I see them running grabbing spears of fire
chucking them at me but the retardant I acquired from this giant papaya tree
made this stainless teflon radio flyer light as paper tempered like dried molten iron
cabin in the woods an excerpt of einstein's conferences concerning holes in space
as I leave the ozone layer of this hopeless place the engine starts smoking
my hope for survival ceases when shadowy truths are revealed in bits and pieces
lucky for me the ionosphere of that realm was cool like the mist of pacific beaches
my craft entered a gravity warp that had me faint as it increases
punctured through a black hole within nano seconds I was back in our solar system waking up in my own spit and feces.

I get a radio signal from nasa saying we thought we lost you
glad you made it back never say a word of this or we will make your memory's
fade to black asking me about the hideous human experiments in ground zero
as I start to laugh they might have loved the treatment I got on their behalf
the closer I get to earth I relax until I notice the great wall is now totally flat
volcano's going off everywhere start loosing energy from my battery pack
to relived to react im glad to back.

I can feel a sense of rage and fear as I enter earths atmosphere
people doing what they want to do and being what they want to be
how I missed this chaotic circus we call society
smooth landing on the tarmac send a radio to the agency
what a beautiful day to be alive remove my helmet and I couldn't believe my eyes
im greeted by the naked queen she smiled and asked why do I look surprised ...

MASTER ROCK:


One day at a time, running out of lines
violation, transition to a third-eye blind
I took a break from seeking, and now I find myself broken
attempting to glue the pieces together
while the whole world presses me against a shredder
eyes to the sky, on my knees, pleading for better or worse
I can't anticipate what really comes first
the dire news pessimistic on life's ride to the hearse
I swear I feel like I'm about to burst into flames
emergency, and no one came
except for the rain running through my pain
down on myself, I constantly complain
pleading for someone to unshackle these chains
I need a change of the situation
giant peaks I'm facing, tear em down
but in distress, I compound in the storm, and I drown
gasping for air, I reach out, and it's like no one there
I see myself, and I'm left with a cold stare
ways up or down, but the clouds surround
I need an escape from this self-hate
Is this my fate? questions unanswered
divinity tipping toeing over the subject like it's a dancer
zodiac signs calling me cancer...is this the season?
I'm in dire need, seeking a reason, I think I got it...
I'm the one who flies the cockpit
unsound mind chattering, I can't stop it
gaskets blown... leaking faucet
flow regrets crush into a ball and toss it away
I'm stuck looking forward to tomorrow today



POWER RANKINGS:

#1 FRANK
RECORD: 5-1
LAST WEEK: #2

Well this one was inevitable as Frank took hold of the championship belt in Week Ten. The way he subjugated Eviction without really trying too hard should be noted. Frank has been through some tough competition to get to the top spot. Will he keep ascending with stiff competition like dead man and Dominate lurking back around now? We will see

#2 DOMINATE
RECORD: 7-1
LAST WEEK: -

Dominate creeps back into the league after being our first champion way back in Week Six. Instead of easing him back into the league I immediately have him facing dead man for a spot in next week's championship match. Neither of these guys need to prove themselves, they’re both legends. Unfortunately one has to fall

#3 EVICTION
RECORD: 7-2
LAST WEEK: #1

Eviction drops a couple spots after fumbling in last week’s championship match, but not before tasting the glory of kingship. Eviction is still right in the mix of things and I believe this league will really come down to whichever emcee gets hot at the right time. Expect to be seeing his name again.

#4 DEAD MAN
RECORD: 0-0
LAST WEEK: #5

Dead man moves up a spot despite not dropping a rhyme yet this season. But honestly his legacy merits it as well as it makes him an automatic for the contender match. Not sure if he’ll have any rust to shake off but it will definitely be interesting to see how his battle with Dominate ends up going.

#5 NYCSPITZ
RECORD: 4-2
LAST WEEK: #3

Well NYC dropped from the top spot to 5th in a matter of weeks but I attribute that mostly to his lack of motivation. He dropped an absolutely abysmal verse this week against me which didn’t earn him any credit but I’m sure he’ll bounce back.

[Eviction]

lol I think I just got too comfortable skating through the league with decent verses when you battle frank you got to be more than decent.

[Frank]

PHAT

[Candy]

dope mag thanks