FGR vs. GKillaZ - {FGR wins}

[~RustyGunZ~]

NBL
Netcees Text Battle League

Rules

Due Dates:

• Verses are due Wednesday,
  May 29th 2013 11:59 PM PST.
• Voting ends Tuesday 11:59 PM PST.
• Battles that lack votes may close later.
• One sided battles may get closed early.
• Extensions are normally 24 hours
  (unless requested otherwise, that is),
  can be no longer than 36 hours
  and have to be granted by your opponent.

Line Limit:

• Min. = 10 lines
• Max. = 16 lines
• The max. can be higher if different is agreed upon by both.

Voting:

• Must vote on 5 battles and post your links.
• Post the links in the thread titled "Week 7 Voting Links".
• You will be punished if you don't post all 5 voting links.
  You will not like the punishment, so just vote so you
  don't have to cry later. Details about this are to be
  found in the "Week 7 Voting Links" thread.

General Rules:

• 1st person to post can't edit after the 2nd person posts.
• 2nd person to post can't edit after a vote has been made.
• Feeding = DQ.
• Recycling = DQ.
• Biting = DQ.
• No freeposting, swaying or bitching.
• Unless a picture battle is agreed upon,
  linking to your opponent's picture or posting it
  means you will disqualified.
• A check in isn't mandatory, but it is encouraged.
• If your opponent doesn't check in,
  you still have to post a verse.
• Competitors should agree on a line limit in their check in.
• If no line limit is agreed on, then the 2nd person to post
  must match the 1st person's line amount.

@FGR @GKillaZ

[GKillaZ]

checking in, will get at this hopefully this weekend, if not monday or tuesday for sure. 10 lines?

[FGR]

10 is str8

[GKillaZ]

FGR does PCP, that's why there's nothing special bout his list
a drug addicted, thug thats spit hits? but cant handle this substance
leaving minimal scars; your punches don't sink in let alone deliver
i'm spittin criminal bars so if this dudes a rat my ink-jet like a printer
catch FGR boastin n braggin' until I make em a mark like Copenhagen
soon as he starts choking I tie a rope around his throat and drag em
thats how I roll kick you when your down adding insult to injury
startin' my W spree...
..........NBL will be a better place not involving you in the league
when I enter rings I got more energy then xenergy, so I better win
nah I said when i'm entering the center ring im a veteran - EASY!

g'dluck

[FGR]

i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
he don't stand a chance in the league's.. all ya shit sounds dumb to me
as for this being close? he couldn't hang on my a hair being rapunzels company
his whole squads a bunch of fags..pull out ya dick n there quick to go south
look at his ava..there bout to fight for something dangling in front of there mouth
i vacation in tropical places.. the same thing doesn't happen for this lard
if he's on spring break it's because his fatass layed on the bed to hard
Imma snack on this wack. w/ sharp teeth i'll dismantle anything of yours'
cuz FGR the type to leave him mauled faster then a conjunction of stores

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by GKillaZ

FGR does PCP, that's why there's nothing special bout his list
a drug addicted, thug thats spit hits? but cant handle this substance
okay but basicidea and wp is there, but this wasn't flipped into a punch and didn't do much damage
leaving minimal scars; your punches don't sink in let alone deliver
i'm spittin criminal bars so if this dudes a rat my ink-jet like a printer
bascally exactly the same kind of deal, okay stuff, just not really a punch
catch FGR boastin n braggin' until I make em a mark like Copenhagen
soon as he starts choking I tie a rope around his throat and drag em
just a threatening statement
thats how I roll kick you when your down adding insult to injury
startin' my W spree...
..........NBL will be a better place not involving you in the league
statement
when I enter rings I got more energy then xenergy, so I better win
nah I said when i'm entering the center ring im a veteran - EASY!
did you just try a slow it down lmfao? either way this was a statement

g'dluck

Originally Posted by FGR

i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
lol
he don't stand a chance in the league's.. all ya shit sounds dumb to me
as for this being close? he couldn't hang on my a hair being rapunzels company
okay
his whole squads a bunch of fags..pull out ya dick n there quick to go south
look at his ava..there bout to fight for something dangling in front of there mouth
avy/sig/title flips usually have to be dope to hit, this wasn't
i vacation in tropical places.. the same thing doesn't happen for this lard
if he's on spring break it's because his fatass layed on the bed to hard
eh
Imma snack on this wack. w/ sharp teeth i'll dismantle anything of yours'
cuz FGR the type to leave him mauled faster then a conjunction of stores
okay

Gkillaz doesnt quite have punches down, hit the tutoring section. FGR got this with better concepts

V/FGR

[Flow]

Originally Posted by GKillaZ

FGR does PCP, that's why there's nothing special bout his list
a drug addicted, thug thats spit hits? but cant handle this substance
Didn't pay off as well as it should/could have
leaving minimal scars; your punches don't sink in let alone deliver
i'm spittin criminal bars so if this dudes a rat my ink-jet like a printer
Probs had something in here but I didn't see it
catch FGR boastin n braggin' until I make em a mark like Copenhagen
soon as he starts choking I tie a rope around his throat and drag em
oooo look it at you lol
thats how I roll kick you when your down adding insult to injury
startin' my W spree...
..........NBL will be a better place not involving you in the league
statement and didn't even rhyme that well
when I enter rings I got more energy then xenergy, so I better win
nah I said when i'm entering the center ring im a veteran - EASY!
statement and not even a funny one

g'dluck

Originally Posted by FGR

i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
I think im missing something here unfortunately - apologies
he don't stand a chance in the league's.. all ya shit sounds dumb to me
as for this being close? he couldn't hang on my a hair being rapunzels company
so so
his whole squads a bunch of fags..pull out ya dick n there quick to go south
look at his ava..there bout to fight for something dangling in front of there mouth
meh
i vacation in tropical places.. the same thing doesn't happen for this lard
if he's on spring break it's because his fatass layed on the bed to hard
Def the best line I have seen so far but do we know hes fat? and the set up could of tied in better...def one of the better lines of the battle though
Imma snack on this wack. w/ sharp teeth i'll dismantle anything of yours'
cuz FGR the type to leave him mauled faster then a conjunction of storesthis was alright I suppose

Not a great showing but FGR had this down a lot better in terms of understanding better attempts etc...

Vote FGR

[Hush]

Fgr is kind of good

[Ronic]

Originally Posted by GKillaZ

FGR does PCP, that's why there's nothing special bout his list
a drug addicted, thug thats spit hits? but cant handle this substance
Better wording would have made this a more direct punch
leaving minimal scars; your punches don't sink in let alone deliver
i'm spittin criminal bars so if this dudes a rat my ink-jet like a printer
wording hurt this punch too
catch FGR boastin n braggin' until I make em a mark like Copenhagen
soon as he starts choking I tie a rope around his throat and drag em
bah
thats how I roll kick you when your down adding insult to injury
startin' my W spree...
..........NBL will be a better place not involving you in the league
not sure why you triple lined this, didn't add anything to the bar
when I enter rings I got more energy then xenergy, so I better win
nah I said when i'm entering the center ring im a veteran - EASY!
this would be filler in an audio battle, doesn't work at all in text

Originally Posted by FGR

i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
missed me as well, but at least you got the formula for a punch down
he don't stand a chance in the league's.. all ya shit sounds dumb to me
as for this being close? he couldn't hang on my a hair being rapunzels company
okay, but there's GOTTA be a better way to flip the rapunzel reference...
his whole squads a bunch of fags..pull out ya dick n there quick to go south
look at his ava..there bout to fight for something dangling in front of there mouth
okay, not a strong hit, but okay
i vacation in tropical places.. the same thing doesn't happen for this lard
if he's on spring break it's because his fatass layed on the bed to hard
lol my fav botb so far
Imma snack on this wack. w/ sharp teeth i'll dismantle anything of yours'
cuz FGR the type to leave him mauled faster then a conjunction of stores
meh

FGR had better structure to his punches, and had the only bar i liked in the battle, GKZ got a bit to learn in terms of wording and what makes a punch a punch

v/FGR

[FGR]

^@Ronic @Flo Real

[GKillaZ]

since you just swayed!, go check my pic.
im 140lbs .. your best line isnt even directed at me.
..while every one of my line's is directed to you. and wasnt pre-written.

enough said.

[Flow]

Fuck am I being tagged in here for ? It's not swaying we already voted but fuck knows what he is doing unless it's saying thanks :s

[FGR]

sway? he already voted a didnt no what combos were

[FGR]

Originally Posted by GKillaZ

since you just swayed!, go check my pic.
im 140lbs .. your best line isnt even directed at me.
..while every one of my line's is directed to you. and wasnt pre-written.

enough said.

lol

[Ronic]

@FGR that looks like good snackin

[Untold]

FGR does PCP, that's why there's nothing special bout his list
a drug addicted, thug thats spit hits? but cant handle this substance

Vs

i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
his whole squads a bunch of fags..pull out ya dick n there quick to go south
look at his ava..there bout to fight for something dangling in front of there mouth

Got FGR taking this pretty easily. GKillaZ, please review some old battles or go to the tutoring section to learn how to properly connect ya punches. I see you have a concept on how to battle, but it's all about connecting set-ups to punch lines. On top of that, bringing in some wit. FGR, you did pretty decent for the match up. Definitely enough for the win. Your opener was corny but I definitely laughed at it. Keep bringing concepts in like that, maybe word them a bit more harsh and you'll have a good run in the league. But watch out for played concepts. Like your "spring break" and "mauled" lines. Been done before. Plus if ya gonna flip an old concept, gotta make it fresher than it's predecessors. Not bad tho.

V/ FGR

[Swerve]

It isn't swaying in my opinion, but it would get called swaying by a number of people. Hush didn't get one of my lines before (spic) and then when I explained it to him, I got accused of swaying.

As for this battle, it was pretty clear that FGR took it. He had an actual verse with concepts and punches, while Kill had statementish stuff. GKill, you gotta focus on coming up with creative ideas that people havent seen yet when you're text battling. Wordplay, metaphors, similes, etc, get a lot of love here because they are the tools of writing that make people think and show ability. Either way, keep it up.

V/ FGR

[Atomic]

FGR does PCP, that's why there's nothing special bout his list
a drug addicted, thug thats spit hits? but cant handle this substance
meh, dece
leaving minimal scars; your punches don't sink in let alone deliver
i'm spittin criminal bars so if this dudes a rat my ink-jet like a printer
ok
catch FGR boastin n braggin' until I make em a mark like Copenhagen
soon as he starts choking I tie a rope around his throat and drag em
meh nah
thats how I roll kick you when your down adding insult to injury
startin' my W spree...
..........NBL will be a better place not involving you in the league
mehhhhh
when I enter rings I got more energy then xenergy, so I better win
nah I said when i'm entering the center ring im a veteran - EASY!
no?


//


i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
LOL eh, dece
he don't stand a chance in the league's.. all ya shit sounds dumb to me
as for this being close? he couldn't hang on my a hair being rapunzels company
worded wrong, but I didn't like it either way
his whole squads a bunch of fags..pull out ya dick n there quick to go south
look at his ava..there bout to fight for something dangling in front of there mouth
ava punches are normally wack, this was no exception
i vacation in tropical places.. the same thing doesn't happen for this lard
if he's on spring break it's because his fatass layed on the bed to hard
lmaooooo. dece
Imma snack on this wack. w/ sharp teeth i'll dismantle anything of yours'
cuz FGR the type to leave him mauled faster then a conjunction of stores
eh

v/ FGR. Didn't really like either verse. But yea.. there mah vote.

[Defiant]

NOTHING

VS

i'll body beat this fuck w/ visious blows!! dropping you is a breeze
when i lay so many combos into ur stomach u'll get sick of cheddar cheese
i vacation in tropical places.. the same thing doesn't happen for this lard
if he's on spring break it's because his fatass layed on the bed to hard


vote - fgr


fgr got this pretty easy, spring break line was pretty nice