Round Dos: Razah vs. Timeless -OPEN FOR VOTES

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Round DOS


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)

Topic:


http://i.imgur.com/jVjirlR.jpg

G/Luck
@
timeless

[Razah]

word.

[timeless]

Dope choice. 20-30 lines?

[Razah]

Not good enough, scratch it out.. I need some new loose leaf
- Since I just blew two B's, zoned out as my bluetooth syncs
The feeling is different, that, or I'm hopelessly dreaming
Used to be my thoughts, now music's the only thing streaming
It's not what it was, it's different, the vision is blurred
Used to envision the words, we're the same if that isn't absurd
An addiction to diction couldn't get rid of the urge
One hell of an artist to have your life & their lyrics to merge
But I've grown distant, reminiscing on the moments it captured
From hope & some laughter to being broken & shattered
Remember the golden age, music was meant to be timeless
I used to rewind tapes with the same pencil I write with
Still my heart beats for it, I will love it forever
How words from these letters help put the puzzle together
There are gems in their poems, a verse as a pearl
The feeling attached, can't be defined by all the words in the world
As far as the beauty of words, there's no limit
These artist are souless, since they put their soul in it
The feeling is different- Before creation must come destruction
Here's a moment in time - Connected to words with some percussion

[timeless]

.
.
.Adherence jarred, hard to find the lock and key to pick it.
Especially when all's he does it stare off when he needs to listen.
Far and away he goes, his mind stays but he doesn't acknowledge this.
He'll adjust to any tight situation as long as the collar fits.
The devil you know, the one who realigns each pattern of breath.
Always sees red, even if sometimes green pastures are left.
The masses have kept him quiet and in line with silence.
Might as well have dumped him off onto some private islands.
Time is crying, and each tear represents why we're dying.
Until we drown in it, we'll still figure out that his eyes are hiding.
Yet he's got a strive for lying, placing his image all over.
Racing the clock of life upstream in a river of boulders.
Shivering, colder with each thought I have of this man.
Built a facade of peace when really havoc's the plan.
He made us all out to be blind and deaf with no spine that's left.
Hopeless, coping everyday from loss leaving our minds a wreck.
Listen, we could all play god and have the same ambition to live.
Or we could fall apart and not fix it like we're all wishing he did.
Living as if we're all alone, choking on a chosen fate.
They say life's a broken record, I say its a broken tape.

[asylum]

razah - damn bro, great approach. probably my favorite line..
I used to rewind tapes with the same pencil I write with

that shit was dope. but my favorite bars were these..
Used to envision the words, we're the same if that isn't absurd
An addiction to diction couldn't get rid of the urge
One hell of an artist to have your life & their lyrics to merge
But I've grown distant, reminiscing on the moments it captured

that was very. i would have liked the last line to continue from reminiscent, since it would have sounded good right next to distant.. but that's just being picky. altogether this piece is really dope bro i gotta give you props. captured the essence of hiphop from an artists perspective well and I appreciate that.

timeless - my favorite lines..
The devil you know, the one who realigns each pattern of breath.
Always sees red, even if sometimes green pastures are left.

that shit was poetic as hell. you used a lot of good feeling inducing word choices, this has a strong lonely ass vibe to it. kinda a depression piece, analyzing it a little but in a grander sense. I think your piece was reliant on a character you didn't fully develop. altogether tho, i think this would have been a stronger piece if you had staid straight topical. so, the story part wasn't as strong as the tone you went with. also, the connection with your topic felt a little bit thrown in at the end. and your ending going from the third to first person wasn't entirely cohesive. that being said, i vibed with this and appreciate your effort. i'm familiar with depression and you gave some inner turmoil a voice of it's own here, very creative.

/v razah came with a more solid piece that had a better connection with his image thoughout the pieces entirety. also, i felt his mechanics a bit more.

[MMLP]

Raz – this is really good! From start to finish the topic developed smoothly. Finish was executed good as well without being as ‘brilliant’ has I was expecting given the lead up to it, but it was nice throughout. Flow was lost in places but other than that, this was such an enjoyable read.
“music was meant to be timeless,
I used to rewind tapes with the same pencil I write with” haha that’s a BARRRRRRRRR, probably the BEST bar i’ve seen this season. No lie!

Time – this was good as well, fook! You flowed better than Raz imo. Stuck to topic just as good, you had clear idea from the start of what you wanted to achieve and it was done nicely. I kinda wish the analogy at the end was more different, it was too similar to old phrase and therefore wasn’t has profound and it could have been.

Rhyming n wording was dope for the both of ya. Both endings were good but lacked a spark to bring the piece to life. I feel could have been better given the seriousness of the pieces that were delivered, that’s all. All factors considered it is really close and there’s no clear winner tbh. Again for me, It ultimately comes down to which I enjoyed more (as I couldn’t separate ya) and that’s Raz on this cold drizzly morning in England!
Good match up!

[e11even]

Razah- I believe any music lover (rap/hip-hop in particular) could relate to this straight forward soapbox love letter to music. This was a purist approach with no filler and I like the simplicity paired with the anecdote of chasing scribbled dreams. The language was clean, and the rhyming was great in parts. There didn't seem to be any underlying messages here for me, but this was still cool. Good job bro.

Timeless- This was an interesting read, whereas I couldn't tell who this piece was about, but I loved the wording. My guess is there is an idol mentioned that we look up to that turns his back on the same issues that we do, but instead of fixing our problems we continue the folly of reliving our habitual mistakes in a Neverending circle? All I really got from that lol. But on the other hand, there was something to be said here, and I feel like the final details to bring this piece full sircle were missing. The rhyming was solid and the flow of your piece was good, but just felt a little incomplete. This was a good piece for what you did have though, so good job.

After comparing notes between pieces I think I have to go with the one that gave me a better overall impression by the end, save all the intri***ies that made each piece stand out in their own way. Both drops were dope, but one had a better overall feel. MVGT razah.

[Adonis]

Razah leads 3-0

[Nigma]

razah i thought this verse was nice. although i wasnt fond of the conclusion, how the mechanics made it end on an unfinished note kinds, but i felt the emotion throughout the piece and it was technically sound. the rewind tapes line i guess is the most memorable of the verse but this type of emotional reminiscing piece doesn't require individual blockbuster lines to be effective.


timeless this was a very strong excerpt of writing. it was technically on point, you had sections of strong imagery, a couple memorable bars (the green pasture one most of all, that was nice) however i feel this verse would have been better suited to a longer approach. it needed a lot to really capture the topic, especially with how well thought out/laid out your opponent came.

two delightful reads but the more thought out and better executed topic takes the cake

+1 Razah

[UnbornBuddha]

Lol, at blockbuster lines.

Anyways, aside from that musing, this was a nice short battle.

Razah: Did a verse that accomplished what it had to. Nothing overly complex, just reminiscing on the entity we deem music. Feelings that were brought up was this longing for eternity, for timelessness, which is funny considering your opponent is called timeless. I enjoyed it, albeit nothing really was delivered that was new. It just had this feeling of reminisce that is all too common when conveying emotional propagada. Nevertheless, aside from that symptom it was well-written. Using time as the vehicle for escape in terms of ending is perhaps not my preferred choice, especially when immortalizing it in manners that make the topic become superfluous.

Timeless: I enjoyed the poetic tone of this, and "The devil you know, the one who realigns each pattern of breath. Always sees red, even if sometimes green pastures are left" has to be my favorite couplet I have encountered recently. However, there are some mishaps or perhaps preferential dislikes. The ending to me felt too satirical in a way, almost like a bad pun without a pun of course. Although tape and record are obviously different, contrasting them at the end seemed redundant and made the ending end in lesser strength than it could have. As for the actual subject matter, I preferred over your opponent Razah. Albeit, just like another commentator stated: It wasn't fleshed out as it could have been. There seems to be elements missing in the skeleton of the verse, mainly ones that fill in the gaps and make everything more complete. I think the solution was writing more, in order to fulfill the vision that was semi-depicted here.

And so,
Vote: Razah

Thank you both gentleman.