Round One: Frank vs. Razah (FRANK WINS 5-0)

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due MONDAY 6/13 (ext. 6/14) at 11:59 PST

Voting ends WEDNESDAY 6/16 at 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.



Topic: amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus: Love is rich with both honey and venom

Razah - zero votes last week
Frank - thank you for voting

[Frank]

Sunny and splendid, the long grass waved wonderfully into a lavish meadow; summery scented
Padded and masked and gloved and covered in rugged protection, a colony follows me, buzzing, relentlessly
Hovering gust of lovely aggression: plummeted and descended down upon my body suit with stunning momentum…
An overshadowing engulfment of swarming, drones orbiting, florid tones, storing gold, pollinating - orchid bulbs with dusted resin
Bunnies & pheasants running under the fences, foxes with cunning perception, in pursuit, with a hunter’s discretion
Closing the gate, coated with paint, rusted and dented: insects crawling over it, undetected,
Hundreds upon hundreds upon further magnified adjusted inspection…
Spider spun the webs and slugs smudged the fences: centipedes, touching antennas - rubbing together- legs running reckless
Approaching the hive, smoldering, flying over the uncontrollable mine: clustering specimens
Bustling with adrenaline, my voice bubbly and befriending, comforting, in a hectic, funneling setting
Bumbling at the entrance, confronted by henchmen, workers bee swerve fervently, furiously with urgency: humbly threatened
A puffy presence of a furry, Queen Bee: plump and majestic - her every need met with fuzzy attention, it robustly beckoned
I study and questioned this behavior with puzzling perplexion, in a muggy, country side, stuffy and sweating
Watermelons shrubs, muddy reflection, butterflies color the sky with such delicate
Bee brushing his legs into the fussy nest with what he’s collected - Until the comb becomes encrusted, cubby cemented
Jumpy with tension, stingers puncturing the threading on my gloves, my hands numbing and swelling
Waving them around, bee upon bee crushed from deflection, stuttering to a deathbed
After stinging with their stubby erection, they died and were removed, snugly suspended -
An invader in this buggy spectrum, face becoming lumpy with redness, a puffy complexion
Becoming ugly in seconds, shutting the gate behind, running with bloody injections
He swung with affection, running, his skin bumpy with infection, puss; in a gully, undetected
Grumpy and dejected, firing his flare gun to get his buddies attention,
as thousands of bees search around the trees with a destructive obsession
One bee clumsily senses him, alerting the hoard, burrowing forth, unjustly upset and stuck on revenge
Attacking him in blunted succession, punishing, their legs, chocked full, gummy with pectin
Thumping their bludgeoning weapon into the beekeepers body suit: rough on the edges
Stung from a hundred and a eleven, dulling the cerebellum under his helmet, with thumb tacks, plucking
the wedges from the denim
Antiseptic recovery session - A quarter mile away, the coast is clear, cloudy covering, luckily, resting
Purple markings - glumly pecked with, utterly breathless, unable to breathe in the 80 degrees, huffing and venting
Each breath husky and zealous, as poison rushes to his tendons, flushing his system with analgesic
The substance melittin shutting his adrenal glands down, corrupted, suppression
Allergic reaction, emergency gasping, worms squirm in the grass - stomach congested
Consuming pollen off his gloves, delicious, nutty flavor, crunchy, yummy
He was in heaven…Sitting sullied in a trench, and waiting for back up, just then, abruptly, a headwind
A humming, menacing, buzzingly wretched, hovering rebellion, he flustered and fended for his life
While his buddy clumsily netted, sunk in and embedded with the thorns that struck him and blemished
Little rumbling engines fluttering in ascension; fluffy and lemon, extracting succulent nectar from the shrubs they selected
Sunny and splendid; the long grass waves wonderfully into the perky meadow summery scented.
Smelling the bud: Love, rich with both honey and venom -

[Razah]

honey
See the truth is, just listen, what my view is, is my music
Therapeutic when I'm clueless, thank G-d for all my muses
When I'm hopeless, I will write sum'n, when I'm joyful, I will write sum'n
When I'm distraught, I will write sum'n, no music if I ain't write sum'n
When I feel pain hope you feel too, not the real you but it's still you
If you ain't stronger, it would kill you, but the sky's bright & it's still blue
But it's foggy like downtown, and my eyeballs are like clouds now
For the pain ya'll, it's like rain falls, what we deal with, is the same fog
It's a new day in the same life, ain't shit changed, got the same strife
I just feel strange, with a blank face, have to re-arrange my whole safe
Like, flowers with no vase, like the Earth is with no space
Like I'm drawn in with no trace, like a beat is with no bass
Like a couplet with the same rhyme, like a metaphor that's for ya'
Metaphorless that's torture, similies that will scorch ya'
An allusion for illusions, my excuses for seclusion
Introducing my confusion, seranade and seduce it

venom
If you knew then what you know now, would you re-peat what you did then
But it's jokes now, got the last laugh, that was back then, that was past tense
Like a dancer, when the wind blows, when the leaves fall, she twirls like that
Gave up on the world I know, she'll bring the, world right back
She's the muse to, all my muses, she's the notes for, all my music
She's amusing, she's amazing, she's the guide to, all my mazes
She's an atlas to my planets, she's the warm heart to my savage
She's the joy to, all my sadness, she's the Jasmin' to the palace
Like a clean slate for my malice, like the water for the ***tus
She's the sane one to my madness, she's the paint brush to my canvass
In a black dress that is strapless just so happens that it's backless
This a screen play, or a script for, I applaud her, she's an actress
I'm an artist' that could part seas, I sketch first then paint pictures
I wonder bout the same glitter that'll make that old frame flicker
I re-write what I just said cuz I can't say the same scripture
I never knew but I know now, she's the one that makes my flame bigger

[Artifice]

Frank

This was really good. There were a few places as usual where the flow wasn't perfect to me, but it was pretty damn good. It was an easy read for me, had some instrumentals playing in the background. I like how you took the literal honey approach and spun it with venom and tied it all together, it worked really nice imo. Your descriptions were on point, they pushed your concept in the right way at the right time, and by the end it felt complete but not overdone. There were several parts I thought were nice, the one that really stood out was the couplet about the antenna's and centipede legs, it flowed real nice when I read it to the beat and had a nice bounce to it.


Razah

I dunno man, this didn't feel like your usual work. It wasn't bad, but it felt like you weren't into it tbh. I know you were hoping to have some time off before the playoffs started, so maybe that factored into it. Wasn't really feeling the repetitive use of rhyme in the first part, in the second part i felt like it worked fine. I didn't really see how the second verse was 'venom' though compared to the first being 'honey'. Maybe I'm missing something obvious, but it almost seems like your first verse is more venomous and your second one is more sweet (honey-like). If there's a purpose to that juxtaposition sorry man I don't get it.


Thought this would be closer tbh but I feel like Frank takes this rather handidly.

v/ Frank

[MMLP]

Frank – fucckkkk this was crazy, to go off the title (multies) and stay relevant is always a tough task in my eyes, u make it seem effortless. This style must come natural to you, bravo! Most of this is an easy read, flows smooth at times. Widely descriptive. Dope piece, it’ll be hard to top!

Raz – I like your style, it was executed nicely here. The title of each verse doesn’t correlate imo. I expected a twist of sorts, to be describing something (second verse) over and over and have stop on that, kinda stopped any momentum I feel.
Ending with profound lines is your signature/ strong point but ive seen better (ending lines) from you. For some reason I cant get ‘eternal flame’ out my head =D

I liked reading both pieces in fairness, frank’s verse stuck to the topic better and was more comprehendible overall, he gets my vote here!

[UnbornBuddha]

Frank: At times you use too much adverb and adjectives and bog down the piece. At other times the description is astounding "An overshadowing engulfment of swarming, drones orbiting, florid tones, storing gold, pollinating - orchid bulbs with dusted resin". I enjoy your writing tremendously and I know you won't change your style, which is not what I'm suggesting. But a poignant Frank would be even more lethal, than an overbearing Frank. Still the piece was great.

Razah: You know I enjoy your writing, it is concise, emotionally impactful, and has great wording and flow. Sometimes you suffer from the opposite of Frank, it is too short or simple and leaves the reader wanting more. In this case, it is not that it is short, but I just didn't really click with it. The angle just wasn't impactful, and some of the rhymes were kind of simplistic especially when compared to Frank's.

Vote: Frank

[NYCSPITZ]

Razah's I just wasn't feeling at all tbh. Some of it was alright but it felt like a wack rehash of eminem in his 20s on a topical board. Frank's was more creative. Some of those lines are stretched to hell though don't see how they can translate to audio. But I got Frank taking this.

V/ Frank

[asylum]

/v Frank - breakdowns will be in mag.

it's a shame that idea came to you after the due date, Razah. I've had that happen to me a couple times. terrible feeling.
Frank, you're a legend. Never change. Ever. This is a masterpiece. Possibly my favorite piece of yours I've read. Absolutely immaculate work.