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View Full Version : if you never say goodbye


dead man
10-13-2020, 12:45 AM
simple

safety latch. the basement ballroom
dancing wolves to leaky cauldrons
great exalted, ye of faithful fortune. make me wanted
if you wish. i've traced
you often onto desktops with a razor from
my father's cupboard. made you paper cranes and
bought you supper. sent you love in silent wonder
whisper me your darkness i could shiver
here for years and smile. listen to you wax romance
through rotary receiver dial
how do you mean? i ask this every night
a coward in sheepskin. chained ourselves
to any missing link evolving between us
count me in, coach i'm ready to play. set in my praises
dreaming of some end-stage we may
never attain. i placed an envelope on our gravestones
with a letter that i copy and pasted
all it said, more or less
was see you later

El Muffin
10-13-2020, 12:51 AM
This was a quirky one

Something about the way you were doing those continuations that made it “ quirky “ for me

Probably just the mongoloid way I’ve been indoctrinated into perceiving a verse Cause most of your shit is beyond fluid. So obviously it’s intentional . That being said? Good stuff as always . I’m more so ridiculing my own perspective

El Muffin
10-13-2020, 12:52 AM
My apologies. Yeah I should of approached it different .

I see what you are doing

corleone
10-13-2020, 02:00 AM
^ true crackhead.

cool verse.

dead man
10-14-2020, 09:52 PM
lol no apology necessary muffin thanks

Pharaohs Army
10-15-2020, 12:12 AM
This reads more like an unpolished note when compared to some of your bangers. Few spots had rhyme droughts as well. Don't know if I'm a fan of the disjointed lines.

Don't take that the wrong way. You've got all the talent to make a better one.

big baby
10-16-2020, 07:07 PM
lol dm
you didn't put the rhyme in the end of the line

so it not good and it doesn't rhyme apparently

ppl stoop af.


anyway, loved this! message+content> rhyme scheme any day of the damn week.

always loved the nostalgia you nested in each little writing you let us read. great stuff as yujual.


i will admit you seemed to chsnge up the thematic element towards the end but stayed on guard and focused. was dope. thanks for lighting the scene

dead man
10-17-2020, 12:31 AM
Love ya bb