Birthday sex ( my own version)

[Dope girl]

Its your birthday,
I know you ready to have fun.
You not the only one,
I got what you looking for.
When you give it to me I beg for more,
I'm loving your reaction.
You got passion I knew from day one,
I know you love when I kiss on your neck.
I been thinking about you,
I wanna love you.
I could be your Juliet & you can be me Romeo
I just wanna make it last forever.

[Dove Dozer]

lacking a whole lot of complexity which is why you're probably not getting any feed on this. try adding some mechanics to this piece beyond the elemetary writing style.

my 2 c

[Dope girl]

well I did redo this, thanks away.

[Dove Dozer]

Wasnt trying to be mean. It was just simple. Id like to peep tge rewrite

[Dope girl]

nope, I understand. Its up coming up soon.