AOWL Week 5: Innovator (2-2) VS. King Keith (1-1) OPEN FOR VOTES!!!

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due FRIDAY 3/15 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due SATURDAY 3/16 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: "Man is the cruelest animal" -Friedrich Nitzsche (selected by Mike Wrecka)


Good luck to both participants. Innovator King Keith

[Inno]

yo

[King Ra.]

I didn't want to have a three way match, so I had to join. Good luck, homie.

[Inno]

Hooves for foot prints


A claw for a tongue, sharpened words dispersed
Cutting at the lung, shortened breathes are rehearsed
Swift with the stride of the cheetah, paw like steps
The king of the jungle stands alone with no regrets
Retrospect is death, looking back suggests weakness
Respect is just jest when there is no one to witness
Pride pushes impulse; he begins the showcase of colors
No place is safe when he bothers to spread his feathers
To impress is to breath and the air is so thick he chokes
But he’s blind to his shadows…in fact he doesn’t think that he boasts
His self gluttony consumes and its presumed
He thinks of no one here besides the one being assumed



She’s a rose watered by heavenly tears
A beautiful pose altered by an enemies fear
Wearing friendly clothes Disguised as a peer
From the top, at the edge she leers
A complete opposite, for the people she cheers
spinning in innonces,her stare free from jeer




The conquest is sweet the taste is palpable it consumes
No contest with ease she took the bait; calculable for doom
Survival odds minimal…idle gods don’t have a stake in this ritual
Running wild through her landscape with intent to retrace
Her physical belongs to the apes running around in capes
Those who waste the innate gift she immolates
man has a tasted for destroying what nature has built
So it’s only natural man will eventual watch himself get killed
When animals convene plots of grandeur from dirt
Mother earth stains her heart she so proudly wears on her shirt.

[King Ra.]

"Man is the cruelest animal."- Friedrich Nitzsche.


I introduce to you,
the scorpion, the lion & man.
Survival of the fittest. Who's fit to survive?
After all the evidence is gathered, to what conclusion do we all arrive?
It is obvious that only one sits atop the food chain,
& for the past million years only one has continued to reign.


Beware of the scorpion's sting.
A predator of the lower wild & can survive in just about any temperature.
The fearless settler who roams with the heart of a fierce competitor.
Hard body, Exoskeleton. Grasping claws to tame the weak.
Don't forget about it's tail which packs a venomous sting.
Can paralyze any beast just so it can feast.
Powerful enough to even put a human being to sleep.

Is there another out there who is worthy of mention?
Moment of silence as the next creature began making it's entrance.

The lion's death grip.
This is simba's salute who's family is of African roots.
Where even the felines contain traits that are masculine, too.
The paw.... strong enough to rip abdomens loose.
A dominant beast who's mane is a fashionable suit.
Highly distinctive features which demand respect & honor.
Any enemies crossing lines should expect a slaughter.

But is there another out there who is worthy of mention?
Enters the next creature who truly rules out of ignorance for attention.

Who rules the earth with an iron scepter?
.... Jesus Christ, let's not get too religious.
Man has taken over, we're vicious,
causing mass destruction in a matter of minutes.
Our traits surpass any species, we adapt to survive.
Quick to sacrifice our very own, subtract & divide.
Other creatures have challenged the throne only to fall in the end.
Wrath is ours to hone & consequence ours bend.
We stand upright as if to display prominent features,
we are the cruelest of all living things,
AND the most dominant creatures.

[zygote]

Innovator, good literal interpretation of the topic, put across your point that man is the cruelest animal. Used good analogies/metaphors that fit with this theme. E.g., the ending, "The king of the jungle" line, and "self-gluttony line". Also, the part in the middle was a great juxtaposition to break up the two paragraphs.

King Keith, really approve of your argument here. Basically, the same angle Innovator chose but you went one step further. Very persuasive writing, showing that not only are humans the cruelest animal but humans have a moral obligation to be better than that. It was emotionally strong and thought stimulating at the same time. Truly enjoyed reading it.

Voted for King Keith.

[Brass Body]

Inno; you've got a very poetic style of writing. It's not really a style I can vibe from...but it's not a bad style either. Kinda reminds me of a Spoken Word somebody at a hip hop jam would perform. Like, Lauryn Hill for example. Or, to make a rap forum comparison, Fresh-A-Diddle. The wording was incredible, and diction was shockingly better. There was a lot f metaphor use, so though what imagery you had was ill, I'm a storyline kinda guy. So the depth didn't meet my personal needs. Overall, good read.

Keith; first two stanzas were really slow and kinda boring. But you started to pick it up in that third stanza and I felt my peepee tingle. Wording was nicely done. I could imagine a guy in the middle of a circus tent talking about his star act. The rhyme scheme, though I'd like more internal rhymes, it was still pretty dope. I liked the concept a lot. Felt it was fresh from what I'm use to seeing. Overall, started slow but you ended it on a good note.

Vote Innovator. His entire piece was dope to me to where King started off slow then ended dope.

[Mike Wrecka]

good battle.


innovator- stepped up this week. got back on track. pretty dope verse. had a good flow and was structured nicely. really enjoyed the first half, but it tapered off a tad towards the end.

king keith- I liked your take on the topic. the different animals was unexpected but it worked. good mechanics and flow. and ya the part about the humans really shined.

Our traits surpass any species, we adapt to survive.
Quick to sacrifice our very own, subtract & divide.

good stuff

vote- kk


overall - I liked both verses. just enjoyed king keith's slightly more. had better imagery and his part about humans was better than innovators by a bit. the rest was icing on the cake. good work guys enjoyed the reads

[Red glare]

innovator.
pros; good vigor
cons; poor rhyme scheme

did you rush it? be honest man..............
I seen you come a whole lot sicker man....
this kind of tripped over it self,,I wasn't enthralled forreal...
you said she immolate but you meant she emulate? No hate man....
I could tell you rushed it tbh I thought it wasn't up to par....

king keith.
pros; interesting story line
cons; mediocre closer

I got the pharaoh flow......
this shit was like reading a scroll man lmao...
some of your wordplay was tame when you were describing the lions...or the bees...
you said that the sting was powerful enough to put a human to sleep?????
my suggestion to you is magnify your wordplay a more

v/king keith

[Objective]

Innovator: Pretty straight forward take on the topic. Allright execution but there's some serious typos in there from time to time wich threw me off as a reader, ''innonces'' is one of them as I think you meant innocence. Still, threw me off if that is what you meant. If I'm wrong and ''innonces'' is an actual word, my bad.. Overall just about allright execution, cool enough read tho'.

King Keith: Interesting scheme alltho' I had trouble following it at times. I felt your take on the topic was kinda similar to Innovator but with a better execution overall. I think this is the first piece I've read from you and I'm looking forward to read more if you stay in the league.

Vote: King Keith. I felt his verse was better overall.

[IamBenT]

Tough cookie,

Innovator - I felt that you really came through with an interesting, poetic message, good use of vocabulary and an interesting message at the end of the World being abused by our cruel ways, You do a great job of anthropomorphizing man throughout to connect to the topic, I felt this verse really only lacked some solid imagery and a better rhyme scheme and flow.

King Keith- Really liked the second verse the most, about the lion, thats where I felt you really had a strong stride. Great message and really connected to the topic in a visceral way that I could picture and follow along. Solid showing.

Vote - King Keith for a better verse

[Dove Dozer]

Innovator - loved the poetic feel of this piece. I loved the showcase of colors line as well as the closing line. great vocab throughout your verse too. I wish you'd have spellchecked, cause it's interupting of the story when you gotta stop and me like wait... what? then re-read. overall though, I thought this was pretty dope. I look forward to seeing more from you in the league.

King Keith - This was good. I liked the direction you took with having a little snippet of each. flow was easy to follow, could have been tightened with some additional rhymes throughout, for the sake of mechanics I thought this a tad simplistic. But you carried the topic along nicely which means you succeeded overall. pretty nice, just add some complexity with internals I guess would be my only real advice.

V/ King Keith

[Witty]

Innovator - Really enjoyed this man, very poetic as usual and a lot of really interesting lines. You used the topic really well, and the piece never strayed from it for a second. There were parts that did seem a little too basic for my liking, but honestly they were outshined by the good parts, the middle bit was definitely my favourite...the language used and the vivid imagery was beautiful, that shit was really well written. All in all, a very solid piece that shows what you bring to the table, props man...keep doing your thing, you're original and that can only be a good thing.

Keith - man some of the vocab in this was crazy lol and the imagery was up there with the best I have read this week, I really feel like you're far too under rated, I can see you challenging anyone in this league. I would like to see you experiment more with your schemes and really get a dope flow going, I think that would add a lot to your style. This was really enjoyable...an interesting and fresh read, it did have the same sort of feel as your opponents, but I felt the way you described everything was what made this stand out, very good writing man, props.

I liked this battle a lot, both did their thing and dropped some fresh pieces....I just felt one was a bit more intriguing.

Vote - King Keith

[patrown]

/v King Keith - to me the point itself was being emphasized more than the language itself.. animals have their stingers and claws, but our drive and intellect is our greatest weapon and responsibility. i was a bit thrown off by.. "and consequence ours bend," feel like there's a point being made there that went over my head. read like a narration and was entertaining. fulfilling, albeit easy, read.
Who rules the earth with an iron scepter?
.... Jesus Christ, let's not get too religious.
Man has taken over, we're vicious,
causing mass destruction in a matter of minutes.
humor through directness was almost as much a part of the pieces impact as the subject matter, imo.

Innovator - i feel your overall message, we are an ignorant species and our taking an active part in our own demise.
although the second block was good.. the recurring end rhymes throughout, in my opinion, left a want to connect with rhyme to the first and last stanzas. overall, it was decent. it seems like the overall point was the main character,Earth, going back to the animals after we off ourselves. interesting take. complaints are improper word usage (i.e. immolates) and grammar errors.

[Ink]

Innovato

[Frank]

KING KEITH WINS 7-2