Quarter Final: Seymour Butts vs. Siu Mi [SEYMOUR BUTTS WINS 7-0]

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/YZ7VWnt.gif


Verses will be due Friday at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=84794)

Goodluck

Seymour BUTTS Siu Mi



Topic: http://www.joblo.com/audiofiles1/VanityIsMyFavoriteSin.wav


Vanity is definitely my favorite sin. Its so basic. Self love. The all-natural opiate.

[Siu Mi]

Reflection


I've avoided them all and exploited their causes.
The void is the awe in the boyishly awesome.
The trigger is pulled, the shot is this caustic
Leverage that forefeits the thoughtful; reserving the artform.
The pickup line. The colorful lingo. The emoticon's moodlet and jingle.
Lexicon limited; simpleton singles.
This is checkers meets chess- the mission of dickers and chests.
No measurement figures this stretch. Its up to figure and flex.
Intellectual rigor in integral sets. Never the picture in one fixtured collect.
Filter the flaw for the finish. Diminish the wall for for a pincer's respect.
Never the ball for the pitching.
The wisdom, as mentored, is pitch 'shit' the best.
They'll never catch it. A mascara'd career with hashtagged lashes.
A mashbag of glad bag asses, blurred tats and past-fad passions.
Double click for easy love. Observe and hate scrap-mag pageants
of antics of mass cat madness and gat scraps, activists
leeching the collective for sap-clad backings.
Click like. Then share your pretensions. Inflame your addictions.
Fame's your affliction, yet your name lames in conviction.
Don't flatter yourself. Fake an incision and bait; repetition.
Debate no position. Open-faced, closed intentions.
The lobby of jerks circling, gurgling on the lifeblood
Of significant existance, from the quote spammers to selfie thugs.
Life is dying... mind and soul is missing from her body of work.
Only curving bodies that twerk get followed, each zombie is cursed.
Develop your pixelated bias to give us two cents to be worth.
The purest sin has evolved, from the godly in church
To a politics perch. The demons are sated, but grow greedier.
Behold, vanity: a social construct of ancient media.

[Seymour BUTTS]

Little Tiffany Monter moans; the sweat beads prone on her cheek
dance around pores and rivulets - he's boning her beast.
Half of her face is glued to the bed, she's holding her sheets
the cameraman: "aww yeahhh!!! a bit faster, then explode and release"
lascivious, lewd - he busts upon her glistening boobs
her head jerks, avoiding the sparkling vitreous hue
she looks up smiling - this motherfucker's hideous nude
but greenbacks give credence to this ignominious ruse
a few G's in minutes just because she's pretty and screws
the vanity rush - it's even better when her kitty's abused
heartstrings happily singing all her infinite tunes.

...everybody's watching me!!!

It's afterparty time now, wit' all the industry dudes
with fuck this attitudes, good coke and limitless booze
"Ayo Tiff, what are the three favorite positions you use?"
she laughs like "well, I call mine the Ammunition of Zeus
he throws it down from above, all while I'm receptive to juice."

It's so easy.

They'll have to fuck later since this weapon is loose,
and she'll be first call anytime he has sets to produce
but let's introduce - how Tiffany really got to this level
the only place where sucking dick has any possible medals:
In High School Tiffany really loved her mom and her dad
A sweet little thing, coy, and at the top of her class
but when she transformed into a nice little package of ass
her relationship with dad morphed into a challenging clash
kept treating her like a possession 'til the damage amassed
...control freak stuck in time tryna salvage the past
It broke her heart. He started speaking way too savage and crass
So she just did her thing and started getting ravaged and thrashed

well it's just sex..... *shrugs*

...interdependent life.
It's maturity's peak but also where your sanity breaks
so independence conquered that simply for vanity's sake.
She moved between sexy and acting the radical saint
til the acting became real, a game played for capital gain
the thoughts of true affection now just seems so laughably quaint
It's not that she's evil...it's just...check her infallible frame
It's not that she's psycho, she just has an adaptable aim-
playing with cocks for hundreds a minute's a magical game
twitter followers giving props gives her intangible gain
Who's to judge? She does her thing well, with animal flame
freaky shit, she'll let you fuck her wearing manacles, chains
then suck you so good on a bed you might collapse on the frame
desensitized, but still - she's got a rational brain
Following honed instincts to glory, passion and fame;
Tiffany's simply still lovable.
a practical dame.

[Certain]

Siu Mi: This verse might come across as a hell of a lot fresher had gaseous snake not written such a similar one last round, in terms of content. Yes, there are differences in the tint of the focus, but the content was pretty similar. What stands out here is the rhymes, often not for the right reasons. You forced a lot of rhymes, making up phrases just to get them to rhyme. You did so without ever losing me on what you meant, so there's something to be said for that. But I think some of your best sections were hurt by one or two forces. I really liked the part that started "They'll never catch it," but "mashbag of glad bag asses" was really bad. Cut a rhyme or 10 out of this verse in favor of more natural word choice, and you've presented yourself in a much stronger form. As far as the approach to the topic, really this was rather generic and straight-forward.

Seymour BUTTS: The further I dug into this, the more into it I got. Carrying rhymes like that meant you did force a few, though the only particularly bad ones came in your second of two quotes, which sounded nothing like anything anyone would say. There were some other spots where I wished you had switched to rhymes that would have freed up more clarity, particularly on the father-daughter relationship. The emotion was a bit hollow there, but I suppose that fits right in with everything you were going for. She's detatched and desensitized. That really worked in favor of the ending, where instead of condemning you actually point out the underbelly's logic. This was another very solid example of storytelling, albeit more traditional than your last. It also was a fantastic take on the topic, not being quite as direct but also fully encapsulating it.

Vote: Seymour BUTTS

[UnbornBuddha]

First of all, I will state that I enjoyed both. Unfortunately, in competitions one has to be picked off. So here we go...
Siu Mi verse was more formulaic in the rhyming. In other words, Siu Mi way of rhyming was more methodical. However, it was apparent that Siu Mi tripped over words at time. Certain word placement felt off. Regardless the rhyming was top notch.

The language suggests almost this photoshop imagery dictated by the seeking of perfection in one's portrait through manipulating it through tools provided by such programs. I myself have never had it, but I've heard stories of self obsessed individuals who change their depiction because they want to encapsulate pure self perfection through bodily means, vanity if you will.

The overall arching theme was explored with eminent metaphors, and rhyming. Though some lines felt forced, and this kind of ruined the smoothness that should percolate onto the reader upon setting his eyes on the page.

On the other hand Seymour's verse was more wordy, but had more of a reminiscent of a modern inspired narrative. It gripped my attention from start to finish. The emotional wreck that is Tiffany had a more seductive story, more memorable. The rhyming was also quite a feat of unique linguistic prowess; Displaying a good handle on syllabic control.

My vote goes to Seymour because while both had verses I tip my hat to in respect, his verse was more emblematic at the end. Making such an abstract sin, a Christian connotation, into a concrete form carried out by this fictional living person whose story is not so fictional if one becomes aware of the plague inflicting modern society. Virtue's downfall.

Once again my vote is Seymour.

Thank you very much...

[Zen]

Seymour: This was good, but first off let me start by saying what bothered me about this. "vitreous hue" <<<fucking hated that. After I read that I just assumed I would hate this whole piece, but I was wrong and it got back in my good graces almost immediately. Funny in parts, actually right after vitreous hue was the funniest line to me. All in all, I liked it, except for vitreous fucking hue.

Sui Mi: You like your opponent had two words that irritated the fuck out of me, "boyishly awesome." Also just like your opponent you came back swinging afterwards. I'll say that the rhymes in this were very impressive, especially the pageants section. That made me like this verse much more because to me it was a very easy read. Nice work.

V/Seymour

Good battle.

[Template]

Sorry short vote cuz phone. Siu had a good verse, lots of rhymes and things though some of them seemed there just for the sake of a better rhyme and didn't have much meaning beyond that. Ancient media angle was coo tho and had subtle commentary on I changing nature of vanity. Solid verse.

Seymour had a great narrative about the porn industry focused on a single chick and how she got there, her descent into whoredom through vain rebellion from creepy overprotective father. I liked a lot. Rhyming was on par with siu for the most part too.

Vote Seymour. Did everything siu did and more

[Purple Puke]

Siu Mi - Nice job here, as a whole there wasn't really anything I disliked
except for the dickers & chests line, there was just something about it
that I didn't like. Other than that nothing blew me away but nor did it
really disappoint. I will say tho sometimes it felt like you chose rhyming over
content, which did make it feel a little bit forced in some areas.

Seymour - I enjoyed the storytelling route you took, it pretty much had me hooked off
from the kick off, some good use of humor and nice imagery used. The whole top of her
class before blossoming into a nice piece of ass, was a little cliche, but still made
for a good read, nice job.


Vote - Seymour , both took very different approaches but in this instance i preferred
Seymours verse as a whole.

[Richard Schwartz]

Siu Mi, your verse had some good schemes and intricate rhyming. I would've liked a picture of what you were talking about much earlier, as opposed to your subject matter unfolding throughout the verse. It's like I'm partnered with a tour guide that doesn't know where he's going. Everything except for that "blap-blap-blap" scheme was pretty tight, though.. that one section wasn't doing it for me. I felt your verse was a fun enough ride but the overall picture was blurry and I didn't get a full feel for what you were trying to convey.

Seymour Butts - I think in that opening stanza, your wordage was obviously bent to fit your scheme - a few words didn't quite fit the way they should - but the scheme itself was tight, so it's somewhat forgiven. Throughout the verse, actually, you had a pretty accessible rhyme scheme - very readable. The story itself was fun to follow as well - you picked a great character to expose. Although I think the pathology behind Tiffany was a bit rudimentary, it wasn't a very serious piece so I can't hold that against you. Overall, super fun read - would read again.

My vote will be for Seymour Butts for a more reader-friendly offering.

[SlutMachine]

Siu Mi - Cool verse, followed it well. The flow was on point and thought you did an overall great job with the verse, only thing I didn't really like was the second line with the ''boyishly awesome'' shit, beside of that there wasn't really anything I didn't like. Thought the title and the social media shit you went with was cool and followed suit with the topic given, specifically thought this line was cool: ''Develop your pixelated bias to give us two cents to be worth.'' Overall; cool ish.

Seymour Butts - Dope take on the topic and enjoyed the storyline you went with. The character you had in store was well developed in terms of personality and reasons for who she was as a person, I like that shit in a verse. Thought you clearly outdid your opponent in that department as Siu Mi lacked that shit pretty hard. Flow was on point throughout.

Vote - Seymour Butts. Thought the story he went with was pretty dope and a bit more thought out than Siu Mi's verse which took a more literal approach to the topic with no real character to get any relation too. That said I did enjoy Siu Mi's verse quite a bit as it had some lines here and there that I thought were cool and a decent structure, but when it comes down to it it takes a little bit more to win against an opponent like Seymour Butts imo. Dope battle.