Serious Vs. Cakedout - STORYTELLER WINS 3-0

[Spoken]

House rules

10 lines

Due asap

[Spoken]

@Cakedout

[Cakedout]

Accepts..

[Spoken]

Put this bitch through a murder scene… have him inches from death!
Sloppy set ups with random comparisons you’d think it was him^^ on the set.
You a sloppy connect.. the type to deal for your selfish gain- the weakest creed,
Cakedout?!... correct cause your claiming bankrupt from royalties like jermaine DUPRI!
Bar for bar your punches leave me little to no impression- dude your lame,
While my bars be like Alcatraz…
…nothing but fear behind it and everyone always tries to find a way to escape!
Your bitch is a hoe… bet she the reason of your name, look how she made you pay.pal
Cuz once you registered on NC it was the only thing you owned because you have no more cake now.
Ironic you leave the life yet your pic shows you scarred up and beat,
Cuz its funny-
that’s on a personal level... cuz it’s the closest you’ve been to action in WEEKS.

[Cakedout]

Aight man, that's cool.

[Cakedout]

So son might be spittin it off but still lacks furious nouns..
This battle is just a hidden result of a roast session the way we don't see serious around..
How you getting applauds when you don't even come dope brother..
It's safe to say you wouldn't be a pound posing as the tic tac toe structure..
Understand I'm hard as a-boar-chin, today I bring death to the young
When I didn't even need to prep four the son
He might have been a packer but now this Brett is sonned
After I walk off leaving his t-red once those steps are done
For my 1st battle, netcees giving me a kid? devastation..
but 1 punch will land serious in the crowd cause all my haymakers give elevation..
(Abortion,4,tread,#)

[Spoken]

@Defiant @Sharp Nine


I voted on a ton man and Im on mobile so its complicating to get links on my phone

Bump for votes

[Sharp]

yeah you guys are both good on votes.

Originally Posted by Serious

Put this bitch through a murder scene… have him inches from death!
Sloppy set ups with random comparisons you’d think it was him^^ on the set.
not bad idea, but usually you want that connection to be in the punchline as well so its fresher in the reader's head and a cleaner association. you did a decent job of pointing it out, but without those arrows the bar would probably make no sense. Still, probably the lotb for being the best idea/excecution
You a sloppy connect.. the type to deal for your selfish gain- the weakest creed,
Cakedout?!... correct cause your claiming bankrupt from royalties like jermaine DUPRI!
Alright, but a little basic. You could do a lot more with that connection but the concept was there.
Bar for bar your punches leave me little to no impression- dude your lame,
While my bars be like Alcatraz…
…nothing but fear behind it and everyone always tries to find a way to escape!
this was more of a flexing kind of bar. alright, but doesnt really do any damage to your opponent
Your bitch is a hoe… bet she the reason of your name, look how she made you pay.pal
Cuz once you registered on NC it was the only thing you owned because you have no more cake now.
wasnt really a nameflip, the pay, pal idea didnt really get used. Again, try to make the punchline have all of the flip in it
Ironic you leave the life yet your pic shows you scarred up and beat,
Cuz its funny-
that’s on a personal level... cuz it’s the closest you’ve been to action in WEEKS.
Avvy/sig/user title flips rarely ever hit. try to avoid them

concepts and executions are your biggest issue, wordings pretty nice which is the harder part tbh.

Originally Posted by Cakedout

So son might be spittin it off but still lacks furious nouns..
This battle is just a hidden result of a roast session the way we don't see serious around..
really statementish and too wordy. if this was a nameflip it didnt come out at all
How you getting applauds when you don't even come dope brother..
It's safe to say you wouldn't be a pound posing as the tic tac toe structure..
again, if there was an idea here wording took away from it big time
Understand I'm hard as a-boar-chin, today I bring death to the young
When I didn't even need to prep four the son
kind of cool but really scattered and also more of a flexing bar
He might have been a packer but now this Brett is sonned
After I walk off leaving his t-red once those steps are done
alright associative wordplay but wasnt much of an actual punch
For my 1st battle, netcees giving me a kid? devastation..
but 1 punch will land serious in the crowd cause all my haymakers give elevation..
wordplay or nameplay was lost on me. kinda scattered as well

needs work with getting ideas that work for punches. then work on making them come out clearly with better wording.


both of you are decent but could use some help in either the tutoring section and/or NBL. hit those up and put some work in and you'll be gettin stuff together soon

for now, serious was a lot closer to an effective verse. stay up dudes.

V/ serious

[Flow]

nothing
vs
nothing

Going for Serious simply for the fact his actually seemed directed - I nearly did my usual bar for bar breakdown but - it wouldn't of been pretty.

V/Serious

[Atomic]

Your bitch is a hoe… bet she the reason of your name, look how she made you pay.pal
Cuz once you registered on NC it was the only thing you owned because you have no more cake now.

decent concept, only bar i kind of thought could have been okay..

vs.

So son might be spittin it off but still lacks furious nouns..
This battle is just a hidden result of a roast session the way we don't see serious around..

only ok concept i saw. with better wording this could have been alright..

//

overall, i didn't enjoy either verse tbh. serious had more of an idea on how to form a punch so he gets my vote, but i didn't really like either verse tbh =/

v/ serious

[trap.]

3-0 Serious, needs a few more votes.

Up

[Atomic]

really couldn't just vote meth, rofl

[Spoken]

3-0 could it be closed or not??

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Storyteller

3-0 could it be closed or not??

i'd always prefer 4 votes to call a win. if you really want we can give it a few more days and see if it gets another vote

[Spoken]

Sure thing

[Cakedout]

Might as well close it. It's clear who won.