TYSON vs YDK (topical) - VOID FOR LINKS

[TYSON]

Due Wednesday JUNE 19th

Maximum lines....36

Topic....



@Adonis...is this cool to use? If not I will change.

[TYSON]

Check... @YDK

[Adonis]

Go for it brother man. As long as you promise to vote on one battle, and I'll vote here if you tell me when its ready

[YDK]

check n good luck bro

[YDK]

The bright lights of society blinded me, lied to me.
Everything I can see is a metamorphosis of irony.
I believed in politics, even thought that I was not at risk;
While they latched my chains an scoffed as they locked my wrists!
I dreamed of a family that could grow into their ambitions,
Was I too ambitious?
Because everything I longed for was lost in transitions.
The down-fall of us all blind faith in our "leaders"
Trusting them to lead us while they refuse to free us!
Jesus! Even retreating to preachers can't get them to see us,
Unless there molesting the young and distorting their features
JUST MEET US!

We're no different from the cops tryin to place us in prison
Except for the fact they wont face us and listen.
Like a good shepherd, there with an encouraging word
But we as a people are just the flourishing herd.
So from this point onward I'm leaving the pack
No more breeding with wolves, feeding, with diseases intact.
Im breathing freely for the first time in my life,
Taxing my wages but wont give me a dime for the strife.
Clearly we're nearly at the end of the play
Where the government's the writer telling us what to say.
Land of the free? Home of the brave?
Obviously we're all just the clones of the enslaved.
Let me live

[YDK]

You dropping man? @TYSON

[TYSON]

My fault finishing it up now will drop in a few.

[TYSON]

The real conspiracy is the pursuit of no rules cause what would u do
Rape, steal, kill and loot the streets like an incompetent brute
Yea I'm chopping at u.. who look for every crack in the system
Pushing for thruth but every rational explanation, u dismiss them
Exaggerate the enigmas like if aliens where to exist
Then their "superior" intellect would trample our IQs, u silly pessimist
Like The Illuminati carrys the governments body and redicule amendments
I admit there's a controlling power but lil wayne couldnt attend it
Too much overthinking and maybe I'm a little too domesticated
But not one of u paranoid theorist would ever wild out, you'll just investigate it
The freedoms I see outweight the freedoms u plead
Society abuse of it makes them recede and skeptics increase
appeal to fear.. we all are brainwashed in some aspect
Conditioned to follow the rules of the system or to rumors from Aztecs
Ill admit there's some facts hidden for self gain and to protect our butts
But either take action with proof or refrain and just stfu

[Split]

Lyrically/ rhyming YDK edged it a bit. didn't like the run in sentences and forced rhymes (strife....), format could use work.

Liked Tyson's message more, was more cohesive in terms of phrases+ structure/ didn't use enjambment so badly.

Neither edged the other in terms of creativity. Boring pic

V/Tyson

[YDK]

Bump

[TYSON]

Forgot about voting, my bad. @YDK we have to put up voting links. I think two.

[Flow]

Yeah its two vote links each @TYSON @YDK


Ok well this was an all round enjoyable read from both. However, there were subtle differences (strengths highlighted) that I am basing my decision on.

Tyson came solid, his content surpassing his rhyming technicality for this piece, however that's not to say his rhyming wasn't good, I just would of loved to have seen some more internals an complex schemes to really keep it flowing hot. Content wise he took a different step then the obvious, got creative with the topic, kept it on point, engaging and solid.

YDK I felt at first you were stepping up with some more emphasis on the rhyme scheme then the content but after a nice start tailed off quick in both.

I dreamed of a family that could grow into their ambitions,
Was I too ambitious?
Because everything I longed for was lost in transitions.
The down-fall of us all blind faith in our "leaders"
Trusting them to lead us while they refuse to free us!
Jesus! Even retreating to preachers can't get them to see us,
Unless there molesting the young and distorting their features
JUST MEET US!


All of that above was really slacked, I mean you used us as an end rhyme in 3 lines.... An the content was weak there seemed to be a real lack in direction.

Granted it got better in the next part but by that point the game was set and match.



Vote Tyson

(feel free to shout me if you want some more detailed reasoning)

[trap.]

Tyson, 2-0. More votes. And y'all need voting links. @YDK @TYSON

[TYSON]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7254

[Coup]

YDK came with a pic representation that I saw...as a man standing up to the line of 'government' barricade and corruption...good train of thought, smooth flow and read, nice transitions and unity of the theme in the spirit of the pic. schemes were polished but not too complex, leaning more on a flowing narrative that expressed openly thoughts that a more complex scheme could limit in a way...

Like a good shepherd, there with an encouraging word
But we as a people are just the flourishing herd.
So from this point onward I'm leaving the pack
No more breeding with wolves, feeding, with diseases intact.
Im breathing freely for the first time in my life,
Taxing my wages but wont give me a dime for the strife.
Clearly we're nearly at the end of the play
Where the government's the writer telling us what to say.
Land of the free? Home of the brave?
Obviously we're all just the clones of the enslaved.
Let me live

Nice progression, even some emotion in this...good voice..overall nothign new was explored and this type of expression is so common in us all....new developments and ideas needed to be brought with more insights...that is my only crit.

on the flip Tyson came contrasting in almost every aspect....taking the side of the powers that be...which leaves me guessing he is pointing out the irony of the emerging "Truth" movement and how hypocritical and nonsensical it can be...though I see these things in the "movement" i know that there is an element of truth to it...

the whole piece was a very fresh angle on the common route would take the pic...even me I suppose. It was a legit and convincing tone and argument....a strong voice and some subtle but clever rhyme schemes and methodology in here....so smooth that it could go over looked by some perhaps....

both came less on a storytelling approach and more on a topical straight up in a stream of consciousness...


very good battle

v/tyson

good luck yall

[Sharp]

UP

3-0 Tyson

[CymbiCort]

YDK, I was really feeling your imagery in the first 3 bars. Your flow was on point too. was really natural, i didn't really see any forces. but some of your lines, you got of rhymed better to make more sense. (Example: When you rhymed ambition with ambitious) but overall , it was good and the rhyme scheme was pretty nice along with the structure. was an enjoyable read overall.
I felt you could of stook the picture a little more. You started off good then you kind of tapered off during the end, bu t i still get where you were coming from.



Tyson, your verse didnt read as good to me as YDKs to be quite honest. I also wasn't feeling some of your lines at all (Exaggerate the enigmas like if aliens where to exist
Then their "superior" intellect would trample our IQs, u silly pessimist ) could of done way more with that imo. YDK didn't have any stretched bars, with the exception of a few stretched concepts he had that could of been reworded.
Tyson lost on structure, flow, and rhymes. Imagery is a tie, both had ups and downs. Tyson had the punchlines but this is a topical.

overall, i preferred YDKs verse. It was just overall written better and easier for one follow, and stood to the image as good as tyson... if not, better.

V/YDK

3-1 Ty

Up

[Sharp]

yep

[Sharp]

OOp