Live in Fear

Mercy · 10-25-2014, 07:51 PM

I go through stress, mope depressed, lie and say I know what's next
I hope for best like most distressed, stow what's left n' slow my breath
Provoked a mess to post a rep, now I slowly cope with death
This slope'll bend through twist n' turns, as no one's here to listen yet
I live in debt, spit regrets, my life's entangled in the mesh
Missing friends who turned a cheek and chose a life of sinning less
My heart is torn and ripped to shreds, now I'm brimming 'round my nest
My head is spinning as I'm dizzy, busy sippin' down repents
Wishin' it was all a dream, swimming in the meds..
Separated from reality, and what is living in my head....

My life is all I have, the mic is all I need
I just want an outlet, I have to succeed....

I climb these hills to find the thrill of life, but still my mind is filled
With lies I try to pry so I can either live or die a peaceful Will..
My soul has darkened neither way, I'm seen portraying evil ways
I just want to live a life of happiness, not lethal traits
They make me out to be the type that looks for blood from anything
I'm just 13... only out to have you know the truth of many things
Bad decisions have me withered, I gather up my actions with me
As these assholes mock me while I walk away so vastly empty
I shed a tear for many years I dedicated for many cheers
That turned to boo's as fast as my depression wrenched to fear (fear.. fear... fear....)

Mercy · 10-27-2014, 09:59 AM

bumpin

Soulstice · 10-29-2014, 11:54 PM

Rep, brimmin', and lethal traits were weird words. I wish you started a rhyme scheme with twists n turns as well. "foreshadowing" the scheme, finishing off your previous one strong and then going in on the next one is one of my favorite tactics to keep the flow smooth. The imagery at the end was good ending for a purely evocative piece. It was solid. you have potential, strengthen your vocabulary (do not use big words for the sake of it, but there are some beautiful english words you can use to shake up your language) and your imagery as well. Flow and emotion were there. Conceptually, things come and go. Write what you feel, read hof and league pieces, and you'll start coming up with real original stuff

10-25-2014, 07:51 PM	#1
Mercy Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 26 Rep Power: 0	Live in Fear I go through stress, mope depressed, lie and say I know what's next I hope for best like most distressed, stow what's left n' slow my breath Provoked a mess to post a rep, now I slowly cope with death This slope'll bend through twist n' turns, as no one's here to listen yet I live in debt, spit regrets, my life's entangled in the mesh Missing friends who turned a cheek and chose a life of sinning less My heart is torn and ripped to shreds, now I'm brimming 'round my nest My head is spinning as I'm dizzy, busy sippin' down repents Wishin' it was all a dream, swimming in the meds.. Separated from reality, and what is living in my head.... My life is all I have, the mic is all I need I just want an outlet, I have to succeed.... I climb these hills to find the thrill of life, but still my mind is filled With lies I try to pry so I can either live or die a peaceful Will.. My soul has darkened neither way, I'm seen portraying evil ways I just want to live a life of happiness, not lethal traits They make me out to be the type that looks for blood from anything I'm just 13... only out to have you know the truth of many things Bad decisions have me withered, I gather up my actions with me As these assholes mock me while I walk away so vastly empty I shed a tear for many years I dedicated for many cheers That turned to boo's as fast as my depression wrenched to fear (fear.. fear... fear....)

10-27-2014, 09:59 AM	#2
Mercy Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 26 Rep Power: 0	bumpin