Week 3: UnbornBuddha 1-1 vs Mr. J 2-0 [Mr J 4-1]

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 2


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Monday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Tuesday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Friday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Full rules Here

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848

TOPIC:
TBA


G/Luck

@Mr. J
@UnbornBuddha

[Adonis]

Topic: Settling Dust

[Mr. J]

How much you want @UnbornBuddha

[UnbornBuddha]

Thirty to forty.

[Mr. J]

Darkness....I can feel nothing, my sight grows weary
inside I want to scream! Knowing no one will hear me
fearing the worst, hoping for the best. It's so cliché...
my mind has been trapped in this box for the past 3 days
I think…I’ve grown more delirious with each passing second.
When I first awoke, the tapping on the walls beckoned
...closing in on me, as a predator would, stalking its prey
I'm trying to outrun the inevitable; I'm cautious, I'm crazed…
I've concocted my fate, building the foundation brick by brick
All of the phobias begin to set in, how will I live in this abyss…?
My hands become sanity as it slips through our grasp
Sand trickles down slowly; I’m trapped in my hourglass
Tears flood, each breath shortens…Life has been fair
At least that’s what my mind can produce out of thin air
Thinking has become impaired, due to my loss of time…
“Just make it quick!” the thought continuously crossed the mind
Producing nothing more than hope in unanswered prayers
So much energy lost, but I’m feeling so trapped & scared
What else is there to do when you finally hit rock bottom?
You make a life altering choice, redemption is God’s problem.
Shortened sentences that are unraveled in Karma’s twist
My stance hasn’t changed; I no longer have the heart for this
Years behind the desk, a boss who idolized Marlon Brando
Until I had to become Henry Hill to my own commando’s
The conscience weighs heavy just as most crowns do…
This casket is my kingdom & the walls are sound proof.
Flashes of memories take form before my time is eventually up
Who knew I’d be betrayed by the same devil I’ve loved…
That she had a hand in burying me alive….in this settling dust

[UnbornBuddha]

How much more must I hibernate in this idle state?
It’s been weeks since I’ve gazed into the light of day
Perhaps, this cold barren place will be my final grave
Sadly, I can’t just leave this subterranean hideaway
If I do,
THEY might capture me & segmentally splice my brain;
Just thinking of it, my cavernous sinus begins to ache.
Those bastards took my daughter and wife from this plane
Beaming them up, as they fled away via hyperspace,
As the nebula rained to portray the pain in my crying face.
See, I used to be a well-known actor who thrived on stage
And now look at me, depraved, devouring rats just to survive the day.
Talking to myself, --because-- deprivation of contact leads the mind astray.

I can still remember the day they arrived, the public was in disbelief
It was more unbelievable than actual justice from the police.
They told us in our own language, we have corrupted our being
Our destructive tendencies are a substance of disease
But, they could be altered, like any product of our genes.
We were sold on the idea but knew the process wouldn’t be free.
And so, our leaders offered our seeds, so they could feast
At first, they were uninterested and asked only of T.V.’s
But, soon human flesh became a deli***y that they loved to eat.
Many didn’t protest because of the sole assumption they would leave.
But, that assumption didn’t take account the puppeteer’s strings
-Shortly after, there was the disappearance of hundreds of kids.

They didn’t stop there; soon they decided to dissect our women
Studying their anatomy due to the interest of their truth seekers
They wanted to create a humanoid with absolute obedience.
Only the conspiracy theorists would have thought they were this devious.
Their morphological genetic features were likened to chimeric creatures
Who wanted to experience the human experience, the most enlightened species.
But, everyone knows you can’t reproduce heavenly sweetness with synthetic peaches
The weaknesses of its reality will stand out, like the Devil’s Eden.

The way things are going; will a thing called the future exist?
I think so, because of the will that makes humans resist;
Our civilization dehumanization will take a long time,
We’re persistent creatures with strong minds.
But, these are just my own imaginings
While, I’m underground hoping for the dust to settle.
Everyone could very well be dead,
But, deprived of light for so long, all I care for is sunny weather.

[Razah]

Mr. J, I liked the twist you had on this. Pretty cool concept.

"My hands become sanity as it slips through our grasp"

"You make a life altering choice, redemption is God’s problem."

Those bars stood out to me. Flow was very smooth on this one, and like I said, I liked the concept you went with. Good shit.

Unborn Buddha...

"But, that assumption didn’t take account the puppeteer’s strings
-Shortly after, there was the disappearance of hundreds of kids."

That threw me off, with the whole not rhyming thing.

The overall story was pretty cool though. Also, the 4th 'verse' didn't end with a rhyme either. I dunno why that throws me off so much, *shrugs.

This is a tough battle to vote on. I feel like Buddha had the better story here, but Mr. J had a concept that I really liked more. Also, he had a few bars in there that really stood out to me. I feel like I say this week in & week out, but, the writers left in this league all can write a solid dope verse. So, it really comes down, to me, picking things I didn't like, and deciding which one I liked more overall. So, yeah, Im'a have to vote for:

vMr. J

[2tripple0]

Yeah I too thought both of these verses were interesting. Like you said Mr j came with a stratigec verse while inborn focused more on the topic. I didn't like the whole no rhyming thing by unborn and although he had a more interesting verse I still think Mr j took this. Like I said this was close and could have gone either way but I just enjoyed the logistics of Mr j more

Vote.....Mr j

[Nigma]

Not only like Mr Js angle here but the perspective from which he wrote it. Continuous development of character mixed with story progression made for a pretty cool verse.

Unborn, loved your verse up until midway through the third stanza, wasn't feeling that direction. The remainder of the verse had several strong points, I liked the chemeric creatures bit, several others after but that one jumps to mind.

V/ for consistency and a more enjoyable 'voice',

+1 Mr. J

[Inno]

Ok so this was a dope battle both dides came with fire. J took a smoother approach with rich imagery and a sound foundation. Loved the howvyou took the topic man you always have these obscure points pf view that some how end up making sense lol. This didn't disappoint bro, this is the j im used to reading in the om lol. Anyway no real complaints tbh other than a few knt picks from me. Nothing that hurt your verse.

BuddhA.

You do this style the best imho, you have a way with it thsy seem very natural. I always wnjoy the language in each pf your pieces and this didn't disappoint. The progression of the story was paced just right and i thought your verse got stronger as the plot unraveld. Im a sucker for sht like that.

Overall

I think i got buddha on this was one. Tough call though ciz j dropped some srs fire but felt buddha did an excellent job with the topic and just left a longer lasting impression on me. Great battle fellas

[asylum]

Mr. J - okay so your verse started off kinda wanting me to guess where you were going with it and I guessed buried alive. Halfway through I’m pretty much sure of it. This was dope af for sure..
What else is there to do when you finally hit rock bottom?
You make a life altering choice, redemption is God’s problem.
I don’t really follow celebrity references but I could tell it was probably accurate in its own way from how succinct the delivery was. One thing that I can say about this piece is your assonance is amazing. Seriously, I’d have sex with it if it was alive and not born with a penis. And lo and behold, I was right! Lol. Good verse dude. Enjoyed it. Typed it as I read so no spoiler alerts.

Unbornbuddha – so you gave zero fucks about bar length, comparitvely. That can be a positive or a negative, depending. Reading now.. man this shits out there. Cool doe. Vaguely Orwellian. Wait

But, soon human flesh became a deli***y that they loved to eat.

So that escalated quickly.
This line was so good I had to quote if just for the sake of it’s existence.

But, everyone knows you can’t reproduce heavenly sweetness with synthetic peaches
The weaknesses of its reality will stand out, like the Devil’s Eden.

Damn that was strong as fuck too

The way things are going; will a thing called the future exist?
I think so, because of the will that makes humans resist;
Our civilization dehumanization will take a long time,
We’re persistent creatures with strong minds.

the piece called for more. fuck buddha tbh i feel like your piece had more potential

/v – mr. j solely for the one single reason his flow was off the charts compared to buddhas.
Buddha think about how your bars are lining up, spread your shit out. You got skill but our boy killed it doe. I didn’t really make my decision until I spit it on a neutral beat. But j is clearly the victor. plot development, intri***ies.

[Adonis]

Buddha catches one

Mr. J gets contender spot