Week 13 Championship: sraL vs. Destroyer - (sraL defends title)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 13

@Destroyer @sraL

Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Stigmata


Good luck.

[sral]

"Stigmartyr"

Forgive me Father this stigmata for my sins.
The blood on my hands,
coloured so sanguine,
a punishment that seems harsh to have inflicted.
I'm here to hark for your forgiveness,
for everything I've done.
Every wicked one I've lived through until thy Kingdom come.
I admit I've stumbled on the path to righteousness -
In fact,
it might of been what made me turn my back in spite of it.
And, despite my sins,
here I stand in your church
hankering purpose,
asking your worship if I can be of service.
In the past I'd uncertainty,
but now I stand here corrected
Having seen my past in reflection I'm looking for a chance at redemption.
I thought I'd find the answers in heaven, but
all I had was more questions.
Ironically, my challenged perspective
was what helped me to see how selfish I'd been
in dispelling your leadership.
Now, I'm knelt on my knees,
Here to repent.
Fearing the sentence for all the years that I've spent disbelieving your strength.
The bleeding intensifies where my taut, marked, flesh
has formed dark red blotches like a Rorschach test.
This crown of thorns' sharp edges piercing my skin
with fierce intermittent stabs
to reveal what's within.
I need your forgiveness, Lord,
so my duty here I pledge before I truly meet my end
I'm guilty of a homicide.
The man I used to be is dead.

[Destroyer]

stigmatador

blood on my hands
the blood of the youth
wide-eyed, violated
inside of the booths
behind the altars where candles were lit
where white robes were hung
and removed and ripped
where hymns and psalms
turned into screams of pain
where the children only plead in vain
in Jesus name
in Jesus name
blood on my hands

blood in my eyes
the blood of those clothed
in camouflage boots
with ribbons and bows
marking the spots
where they were murdered in droves
innocent men with women at home
taking the shots
and sawing the bone
stars in their eyes
& stars stitched to their coats
can Jesus hold
can Jesus hold
the blood in my eyes

blood on my head
the blood of time wasted
praying to specters and ghosts
as the whole human race hid
and when levees broke
the poor were displaced and
questions were posed
like 'where can we take them?'
and we watched babies drown
and women get raped in the super dome
was Jesus home
was Jesus home
blood on my head

[Vulgar]

sraL - I find this to be more successful than your other ventures in this league so far because you didn't spell everything out for the reader. The end wasn't hammered home with 6 or so lines detailing how it all wraps up in the end in an intriguing way. You showed us instead with two simple veering lines - a man commits homicide when he mentally resurrects as a new man. Very nice concept, executed well I might add. It was a smooth read through and through. The narration - as seems to be the case in most of your pieces - does tend to be clinging to a sense of anonymity. The characters are rarely distinct, assuming 'universal' identities. In this poem, a sinning man. Not a 63 year old Russian coal miner, nor a recovering alcoholic with leukemia from Lithuania. It's a sort of 'default' character on a canvas that you use as an opportunity to flip something for the readers. A good offering, nonetheless. Keep it up, braggot.

Destroyer - I garnered a blunt sense of power from a cultural example. I don't know how close to home the hurricane Katrina event was in your life, or if you were writing a poem about it to explore some of the human reactions and consequences of it. You made it mildly convincing, I'd say. I really don't like how user names influence how I read poetry though. I see you and Lars as humorous characters, for example, and maybe this affects how I read your poems... at least 3% at least. Gah. Well, it was an interesting experimental style from you. It was composed with rhymes, as is customary. My main criticism for the piece is that it needed a little more atmosphere. Sure, the ingredients were there, an environment reminiscent of 28 Days Later. Hurricane stricken Louisiana intruded, and images of blood, flesh, and hands. I thought it needed something extra, or maybe a greater binding 'contract' holding everything together.

My vote goes to sraL. I thought it was his best work in the league so far.

[Inno]

Man this was a dope fucking battle.

I got destroyer taking this.

Fuck man lars you did your thing and i loved your flow as usual man
You got to be the smoothest writer ive seen on these boards. Great story
Great pace and diction. Good imagery through out sprinkled with your
Signiture phrasing and wording. Really enjoyed this my dude but if im
Honest i think im more fond of last weeks piece.

Des

This was dope. You have a real knack for the short line style
Keep using it. You seem to manage to say so much with such
Little spacs lol. I think thats why i like your writing. Not to much
Abstract element in your writing and you play it safe most of the
Time but you have this unique style that is developing very nicely
Man. Ok so i loved the sequence to this. You wrote in steps kind of
Like thr stigmata shit lol. I thought that was cool. Enjoyec how u
Covered three aspect and molded one story out of it all.

Man this N ill battle and props to both of you and thanks for the read
I got destroyer though. I dont knos what it is about his piece but it keeps
Drawing me in. Im diggin the sequence and the language he used. Very
Blunt but precise and poetic.

Enjoyed

Destroyer

[Spoken]

Reserved for my vote

[Frank]

I can vote like 9 PM EST time

will edit.

about to go out and eat

[Frank]

MVGT sral

Boiled down to ultimately the more clever concept. Destroyer, a repetitive theme throughout the poem almost edged it for you. It became harmonic. Where you lost the edge is the Super dome angle. Played out. Although it was a natural disaster, and you could very well have lost loved ones in it, it just wasn't the right disastrous event to summarize your first 2 stanzas. Sral - I always feel it is the opponents job to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. It isn't your match to win, it is your opponents match to lose. Just my philosophy. Though not as poetic per say as Destroyer. A spoken word piece inside a booth, that happens to be a confession booth. Mechanics start to finish all the way to the punchline finale