Week 8 Championship Match: Frank vs Timeless (TIMELESS WIN 7-1)

[asylum]

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/24 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/26 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic:


Good luck to both participants.
@Frank (6-1) and @timeless (5-1)

[timeless]

Electric vibes were next in line for migraines and torn sleeves.
If you're born cheap, you're spine lays sideways with sore cheeks.
Stargazing for the sun as the lights fade the storm's leash.
Warn each and every man not to migrate as the shore flees.
Casting shadows of doubt, Palace of Now is hell's yesterday.
Tomorrow's invested way into the future to sell stress and fame.
Television is a prescription for genocide of the mind and body.
Marketing lobbies got me to move the eyes that watch me.

Death served on a black platter and I was glad to have it too,
As I witness the end of the world in a panoramic view.
Mind state designed great, yet built with an apparatus loose.
Trying to extinguish failure's flames yet a pack of matches bloomed.
Tabs of movement gathered as they tracked our saddened youth.
Infrastructure made of glass yet my tasks were shatterproof.
Rulers estranged, they actually seem glad to tax the troops.
Only thing that's free is your ability to breathe and have some facts to chew.

Blueprints for success have been torn to shreds and burned.
There's proof when truth invests in lies formed from death in words.
Before I die, I formally request to be provided an extra hearse.
My soul needs to rest, too.

Tired of chasing a survival string with knots along the way.
Pursuing nightfall as soon as time stops to pawn the day.
Faced encounters with dusk as we fought 'til dawn was traced.
Always looking ahead, remembering we're taught the songs of grace.

[Frank]

Arthritic fingertips entangled uniquely original; he speedily twiddles
He waves his hands, magically unfurling the string into a meaningless symbol
Heap of material - He reaches into the basket beside his chair -Rocking - creakingly simple
Supremely skillful - spinning the spool, each thread intervening with ingenious bristles
Synthetic fiber clings to the unraveling roll as he weans the swivel
Feeding line into the needles prickle like a dreamers pixel
His niece and nephews sit rosy cheeked with deep dimples in front of the fire, that breathes rekindled
The kitten keenly dingle-dangles with the ball of twine - it seems, meters - nibbled
Like a machine, he uncrinkles the neatly riddled while he discretely whistled a jingle
The theme from his show, leave it to beaver intro
Peaceful, gentle embroidery lessons - watching the teacher chisel
Fingers serenely nimble - stitching, sewing, stitching, sewing until the sleeve trickled
Technique whittles as his bones beneath brittle
A quilt with pleated ripples with little sheep and geese flying eastward squiggled
The old geezer shriveled like the sweaters drying on the highest degree
Frizzled thread fuzzy fabric greetingly tickles
Arthritis unforeseeably cripples. An oil lamp flickers like a grievers vigil
Nuns line the church in their veils, in their pristine wimples - as the weepers sniffle
Outside of the window pitter patterning beading drizzle
Dibble dabbling with a piece of tinsel - diddle daddling with each thimble
He pricks himself and bleeds blissful. The blood leaks and dribbles like an artist's ink stipple
R.I.P in the middle of a sheet crimpled as the price of his artwork proceeds to triple
The web of your life, mingled yarn on a weavers spindle -

[Adonis]

I apologize in advance for vote not being as in depth as usual. Not much time in my hand and the fact the champ match has zero votes is just wrong, so here goes nothing.


Time, I enjoyed most of the couplets, I can tell you went into this week emphasizing multies while staying away from oft used words for rhymes. That portion I enjoyed thoroughly. As for the plot, I take it the world is over and the main character is giving a recap of sorts, but mostly saying why it happened, explaining the world is fucked I guess. Connecting the topic to concept is vague as shit, but considering the topic, great job on formulating and executing at a high level. All in all, this is not your best work,but it is pretty damn good. You have improved leaps and bounds this season to last, I take it you got time to write now? Either way, good showing with a rather uninspired topic imo.


Frankly, paraphrasing Cause on phone, "he uncrinckles the neatly riddled while he discreetly whistled a jingle". First, I'm sure you meant unwrinckled, but that's small. You had massive changes in perspective in this verse, you went from first person in the now to reflecting of past back to the now. There is a lot wrong with this sentence, not just the wording. I had to take a long pause while reading to figure shit out, you shot yourself in the foot for flows sake man. Your flow was amazing, too bad you used words where they shouldn't be grammatically for rhythms sake alone. It sucks even more because the concept is plain and simple, fire. The execution of said concept was stellar as well, but the poor word choices are really weighing me down here. You took all my pleasure away.


V/time

Frank had the better concept, but his execution was too sporadic to over look.

[Mr. J]

Time, I liked the whole vibe of your piece at first.
then you worked a nice pattern into your verse.
which makes you one of the most improved in my eyes
you add the proper emotion into the right lines...
the transitions were quite nice & the story was cool.
I liked your approach & the rhyme method you used
is was an excellent display of your lyrical attributes
great work brah...

Frank, I thought this was cool but it felt trapped in a moment
I enjoyed the rhyme scheme & the way your story opened.
I felt you forced a few words for the sake of the rhyme here.
but due to the fact I am buzzed that was a light beer...
you held my attention until I got to the use of tinsel?
at which point I couldnt tell what you were weaving us into.
I thought that you held your own here & dropped flames
you could have cut out a few lines & brought game...
nice shit breh.


v/This would be my choice for the BOTW to be honest
the way that both writers chose to approach their topics
the way that they brought their A game is what these matches are made for
Timeless took the darker approach. Frank put up a few great shots in game for.
His defense is what held him back with his flashy pacing.
but he did weave a few golden lines into his catchy sayings.
a very interesting inside game from timeless with his quick moves
his switch ups were amazing, his foundation was sick too...
2 different styles for writers of a different palette
Im going to give it to timeless for his more interesting talents

[asylum]

Timeless your piece was very nice bro. I enjoyed the tone throughout, and you did manage to tie in the stringball quite a few times. Very nice topical here, had some storyline aspectd to it in that it advanced through phases and your ending was very nice as well. Overall, i enjoyed this piece but i was exactly amazed by it. Still, nice work.

Frank your diction was really interesting, it left me smiling on a couple separate occasions.
I enjoyed the multiples especially. Lots of repeating sounds, just as i imagine the task of weaving may be. This definitely looks like you spent some time on it and i appreciate that.
Your angle was very thought out, and the ending itself completed the story very effectively. Great work from both.

Mvgt frank because his story was more cohesive and entirely dictated by his image. I was also left smiling in a few places, tbh thats what made my decision. It had s physical effect on me, and i appreciate that. Great work from both. I was feeling the playful tone over the dark one for once

[NYCSPITZ]

Timeless had a great verse to match the story . Dark, with a bit of light possibly looming, waiting to break out. Thought the wording was delicate and the rhyming strong. Would challnege for BOTW but there were some nice battles AOWL this week so it's close. I think you did enough to take this.

Frank's verse was ok but to me the tense changes were jarring and the adverb/adjective combos were overdone. Esp. creakingly simple and supremely skillful. Jesus, I mean one right after another? It sounds awkward once in a line but that barrage is too much. That said there are many other syntactical errors here but once again Frank's creativity in this realm sort of balances that out, in the end his opponent came with a stronger, more laconic prose that was more effective.

v/ Timeless

[MMLP]

Time – this was a good read, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was well descriptive, the rhyming was solid and kept at a high pace throughout whilst sticking to the plot. I enjoy reading your the stuff. I think you deliberately challenge the reader, some profound stuff in here, u remind me of razah in that sense. It was a symbolic twist of the topic I think, the ball would be the earth. It was cool

Frank – man, your flow, rhyming and line patterns might come across a bit reckless but its anything but. Its natural storytelling and reads so smoothly. To carry the same multi for that long whilst sticking to a topic is harddd to do and u seem to pull if off consistently. But this time the topic just lacked that creative spark, it was a little too direct. I was expecting a twist, a shocking ending but nothing materialised, kinda just faded out, I was little saddened cuz this could have been dope

Nothing to really separate u two based on technical ability n story development in this contest. It just come down to the better ending for me, that goes to timeless

best match I've read this week, enjoyed analysing and reading. Onwards and upwards

[Artifice]

Damn. This was a good champ match.

Timeless

I fucks with the dark approach. Fluid and smooth, you tied the verse into the pic while allowing your take of it to grow. Nice work.


Frank

This was really cool. I dug how you not only took a more literal (yet metaphorical?) approach to the pic and literally had your rhyme scheme weaving the syllables throughout the piece. Unfortunately, I have to say it almost felt a little overdone to me. It's damn impressive to do (and I know you're a dope writer and can do/have done it) but this time it just didn't land as well as it could have.

Great showing from both for the first champ match of the season, but...

v/ Timeless

[breathless]

Timeless, lyrical fire, on point in every aspect aside from topic connection. I still can't see how it relates to the picture at all, but, really great piece still

Frank, you used a lot of weird words, too many, but I really liked how you took the picture. But, I dunno man, it was like, suessy mother goosey with all the dingle dangle jingle jangle lingo language

Vote Timeless

[Razah]

Cool shit guys.

timeless, dope verse man. The wording was real smooth, the internals kept the flow buttery. I enjoyed it all man. Good shit.

As I witness the end of the world in a panoramic view.

Blueprints for success have been torn to shreds and burned.
There's proof when truth invests in lies formed from death in words.
Before I die, I formally request to be provided an extra hearse.

Those parts stood out to me. Once again, very enjoyable verse.

Frank, I'm a little saddened by what you posted. It was good, typical Frank type verse, impressive rhyming, yadda yadda yadda. Some of the words made it difficult to keep the flow though, I'll show you what I mean in a bit. Anyways, I think it's weird how you went 64 bars against me, but kind of matched bars with timeless. Someone was shook ;)

The kitten keenly dingle-dangles with the ball of twine - it seems, meters - nibbled

Outside of the window pitter patterning beading drizzle
Dibble dabbling with a piece of tinsel - diddle daddling with each thimble

I felt that was very difficult to read, maybe it's just me, but, that threw the flow off for me.

He pricks himself and bleeds blissful. The blood leaks and dribbles like an artist's ink stipple

I thought that was dope.


Yo, so.. I felt like Frank conceptually had a better verse. Timeless had a real dope slick piece though, and Frank's choice of words kind of hurt him (as far as my vote is concerned) this time around. Sigh.

vtimeless

Dope verses though, ya'll.