DEADMAN if only / overkill

[dead man]

if

there's anything to say i've said it hundreds of times
Americana spirit camel crushing your spine
relapsed into a rage where nothing matters at all
throwing paint pervasive. pretty picture, voila
jackson pollock alcoholic. even atoms. Apple products
be a man and stand for something. death and taxes. that's a promise
lotus manta ray melodic. hammer-time my Padmasana
serpent in the cherry blossom. antiquate this anaconda
chronic indecision makes ingenious, it's said
look down on those who chose to make an effort instead
what a shame. so they say. so it goes, so we stay
overpaid, underwhelmed. overdeveloped. photo-framed
eau de strange. amor de Rey. kings without a disciple
surrounded by the panic. introverted and spiteful
introduce me in time. he who's taste is acquired
he who chased himself downhill with a fifth of desire
erase me so it never happened. Everclear and everlasting
ecstasy she-devil's mattress. let me in and let it happen
measure me, a slave to standard. traffic, 24th December
in a row i've let myself become a hopeless romantic
what a tragic turn of fate to see you sitting so silent
after all these streetlights violated your privacy
i want someone to write to me like i wrote to you, privately.
it's not a matter of ego. it's ego in it's entirety.
self-centricity spiral circa 1900 and 90
palace of ivory, stone madonna. statuesque the idolatry
amethyst mirror mockery. mimic mankind melodically
staring at myself until it started to talk to me.
it's something of beauty to become a recluse
driftwood in the wind i drown myself in pursuit, and
breathe myself into stasis. static habitual mind
spend a second alive then head back to where my comfort resides.
what a wonder. i wonder where the pattern begins
addicts dressed as habits every one of my friends
lays in bed, waiting to come alive. c'est a vie, to summarize
if only anybody cared enough to reply.





DEADMAN

[THE REAL CAPTAIN OBVIOUS]

......................

[dead man]

Obviously

[UnbornBuddha]

I enjoyed this dead man. There was this juxtaposition of detachment yet mirrored back with collage-like memories. Amor de rey, kings without disciples. ( OH CHICAGO)
This one was really good too, it's not a matter of ego, but ego in its entirety.

I think these lines capture the essence of what you were conveying: I need to quote your own work to summarize or pinpoint closer your work. Obviously only you know what you were aiming for.
"staring at myself until it started to talk to me.
it's something of beauty to become a recluse
driftwood in the wind i drown myself in pursuit, and
breathe myself into stasis. static habitual mind
spend a second alive then head back to where my comfort resides"

My only qualm is this. Since I've been here you have changed your style recently and now emphasize less the rhyming aspect. Which is fine because you combine words very uniquely and paint a broad stroke picture either way. Nevertheless, I do think some of the more complex rhyme schemes you used to do were a big asset that you utilized. And would be nice if you sprinkled them here and there.

Thanks.

[PancakeBrah]

Hammer-time my padmasana.

[big baby]

I thought this was awesome. You fit a lot of things in a few couplets which make it that much more meaningful.

what a shame. so they say. so it goes, so we stay
overpaid, underwhelmed. overdeveloped. photo-framed
eau de strange. amor de Rey. kings without a disciple
surrounded by the panic. introverted and spiteful

managing to surround words with such intensity and precision lands to the readers hearts that much quicker, effectively.

Sometimes a playful mock by me is used as a prop. And I usually point out what the common reader may find ineffectual/disconnected.
The use of objects as if, to personify stanzas is just what does it for me. Not many, if any writers can pull this off as smoothly as you do.


palace of ivory, stone madonna. statuesque the idolatry
amethyst mirror mockery. mimic mankind melodically
staring at myself until it started to talk to me.
it's something of beauty to become a recluse
driftwood in the wind i drown myself in pursuit, and
breathe myself into stasis. static habitual mind

thanks.

[big baby]

edited.