SKULLKID (deadman/split8) - Emeritus I

[dead man]

-



Are you living, breathing, and acceptably conscious?
Please blink in your beady, TV scheduled responses.
We've been tied to our bretheren by 3D ventricle vomit,
but to succeed to our fullest, is to peel off the centripetal clauses
of this tealish and globular vehiclular-comet. I feel it more.
The Lostness. As if my dreams have been sequenced
in cloth, strummed across helicore- sponge clean cement floors
with the still-running maw of my dungeon-breathed boss-
'Tune into FUBAR 24.7 from sun-up to closure,
and catch the odd composure of our off-melodic funeral rock,
the slackjaw Top 20 Hit, "Bossanova in Keyboard" by Cubicle Sloths.
They beseech you, crude cross emphatic, that -IMAGINE IS GOD-
as they spooned you proofs mathematic that the truth of all magic,
lies in inadequate bias towards thematics of science, reason & thought...
before the breach of a contract was unsleeved in Briefcases, by Glock.
I'm not pleading for off-brands. Not steeling my skin
for the singe of the sympathist's sin, not sobbing with God-Hand
as we sped along familiar flaws along Akina's twists.
Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
subliminal Vatican slop. Sorry if my bible refs are token and basic.
I'm slipping this centerfold a seminal code, at request of the matrix-
apologies, Tron. You'll never know the ending nodes won't awaken
again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them.
Lived 1000 lives within life, professor emeritus leaving
to find I haven't experienced much.. the American species
would have me believe this bucket of ashes from Kansas
is just dust in the wounds of a madman.
The dreams never change.
I am lost in somebody's forest.
Facial features darkened, the silhouettes were expected,
Wearing no spark of resemblence- recognition regressive.
So his song will evade you, since nostalgia's forsaken you
in an attic-set labryinth that switches every play-through, and listen,
Happiness happens. Misery's the shit that makes y'all revisit.
Time to keep rhyming these steely, eulogical rivets,
Someday you'll find it's you thats gone missing.



someday



someday you'll find a receipt. and wonder
how much time a person buys in his sleep, for under
twenty six dollars and a sigh of relief
just wait. capitalism says you'll die in a week
the thunder bellows. walls separate, enlightenment leaks
cracking spiderwebs like rainforest, islanded beach
sandy seminars, my scholarship - the science of dreams
dissertations due the night you believe. try it and see
iron microchip sequences cyber viruses, freeze
typewriter whiskey and water, lantern lighting, serene
masks off.
look around. your eyes are likely a leash
another diagram is right underneath. devoid in-between
Saria's Song on saxophone to silence the screams
lighting trees til there's not a drop of blood on the leaves
seems we're all looking older now, as summer recedes
smell the roses. stick your nose inside their fungus & sneeze
wonderland, the wunderkind, please. it's a natural trait
mathematic, abrasive. abacus factory-made
chained myself to the moment. made an elaborate escape
cause i never had anything interesting to say.
satisfaction's like a castle with palladium gates
or a class where every student's either absent or late
Split halves into 8th's, punch timecards, passion can wait
clockwork for bread. spread another crack in his face
Rhode scholars, camouflaged as addicts or saints
cocaine catholicism. pray they'll pass you a plate
valleys and lakes, rivers and tides, you live or you die
shut the fuck up or become the very thing you despise.
we're lost without a clue. but i was simple to find
in the cubicle where Kublai Khan and incubus lie
olympus will rise, like spinal column shifting chemical mind
there's paradise in poppy seeds, wisdom in wine.
if mission is rhyme - sip slow and let our documents shine
envisioning crime to serve justice like optometrist prime
for homogenous tribes in this particular groove,
religion is viewing different shadows on a similar moon
triforce when logic fails to hum a resonant truth
on forest frequencies too ancient to remember their roots..






think again






SKULLKID

[zygote]

The second half seems to be deadman, and the first half Split8 although the styles are somewhat similar so don't take offense if that is incorrect. It seems to be deadman because the writing is more restrained/refined. Only the style is restrained not the content, which is varied and stimulating. Also really enjoy the language-playing mixed in with the popculture references - E.g., "optometrist prime" and the "Cubicle - Kublai Khan." Also the "Split halves into 8th's" part was a nice nod to your co-writer.

The first half is less restrained/refined in terms of rhyme scheme and line length. You have really increased your rhyme scheme technique, the first four lines and the "funeral rock" parts were very impressive in terms of their scope. The writing is more open ended and often the ending to a particular thought is surprising and unexpected - from a readers standpoint it felt good to be kept on the toes. E.g., the part from Kansas to the lost in the forest line, was a standout within your half of the submission.

[Darth Yoda]

wrong. fwirst half dead second half split

[Darth Yoda]

actually no, ur right zyfetus. deadman has an infatuation with poppy seeds so I change. well written by both fiestas

[Split]

thx guys, i will read your writings soon k

Originally Posted by dead man

verse

[Inno]

Ama, have to get on my comp to feed this...be back shortly

Edit.

ok so im not gonna pretend that know who is who..im not that good at spotting styles or certain
things certain writers do...tbh this is the most ive been active in the OM ever..so if anything ama get this wrong lol
but I read both verse. first verse seemed sporadic fast paced...im ean the scheme did...you rhymed every which way
with a gang of vocabulary and wordplay...I would say this is you split(sorry if wrong) as your style fits that description for me...atleast
the few OM's ive read from you and fed. you have a unique way of telling a story with such an abstract touch to it....tbh
that's where im trying to get to...you seemed to do very well in this piece..enjoyed that aspect of it. pop culture can be a motherfucker
I thought you where at your best when you where mentioned all that...from the start to the cubicle sloths part...that shit was outstanding bro...great work.

second verse wasn't as cryptic as the first one..felt a bit more direct with your words...still had some dope metaphors and word use through out...vocab on point..all of that ws there I just felt like you presented your writing in a moer direct way..i guess easier to read..not taking anything away from scheme and complexity. thought you had a steady flow that carried the story very nicely..man you had a lot of depth to this piece I mean just this phrase alone stood out as im typing its still with me.."clockwork for bread...spread another crack on his face"
I mean godam that shit rings...its rings man lol very cool imagery and depth in just that alone....perfect example of what this verse was littered with...


great collab guys.

[Mr. J]

Split...my dude you have come quite a long way my friend
yout lyricism never ceases to amaze me. the vibe is crazy
its nice to see the progression in your style its quite inspiring
other writers should take notes and realize its about the consistency
which your verse shows a lot of. I'm sad I can't quote at all
regardless it was sick
Dead...Black I just realized who you really are thanks to Zy
you are the same you never cease to amaze me as well
and your style always seems to switch up into different patterns
allowing those wise enough to keep track...a lesson of sorts
you always have quotables as well....
the clashing and progression of the styles is great for such a piece
I admire the work that you two put in...keep it up fellas

[Sho Money EMG]

Damn nice collab.

Split man, I take back what I may have said awhile back about u not having talent, lol. This was a reap solid collab. Always love reading what black has to say aswell considering he's one of my all time fav topical writers.

Okay now, basically the whole piece was solid to me, amazing wording with a perfect vocabulary from both.

Here were some of my fav lines

look around. your eyes are likely a leash
another diagram is right underneath. devoid in-between
Saria's Song on saxophone to silence the screams
lighting trees til there's not a drop of blood on the leaves
seems we're all looking older now, as summer recedes
smell the roses. stick your nose inside their fungus & sneeze
wonderland, the wunderkind, please. it's a natural trait
mathematic, abrasive. abacus factory-made
chained myself to the moment. made an elaborate escape
cause i never had anything interesting to say.
satisfaction's like a castle with palladium gates
or a class where every student's either absent or late
Split halves into 8th's, punch timecards, passion can wait

^^ wow

Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
subliminal Vatican slop. Sorry if my bible refs are token and basic.
I'm slipping this centerfold a seminal code, at request of the matrix-
apologies, Tron. You'll never know the ending nodes won't awaken
again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them.
Lived 1000 lives within life, professor emeritus leaving
to find I haven't experienced much.. the American species

^^ dope as hell

[PancakeBrah]

Well.

split eight;

"Are you living, breathing, and acceptably conscious?
Please blink in your beady, TV scheduled responses."

Condescending and great. Said a lot in an economy of words. Good to great opening line. Grabs the readers attention. Beginning a piece with a question may seem amateurish but you used it well, and countered with the next line.

"We've been tied to our bretheren by 3D ventricle vomit,
but to succeed to our fullest, is to peel off the centripetal clauses
of this tealish and globular vehiclular-comet. I feel it more.
The Lostness. As if my dreams have been sequenced
in cloth, strummed across helicore- sponge clean cement floors
with the still-running maw of my dungeon-breathed boss-
'Tune into FUBAR 24.7 from sun-up to closure,
and catch the odd composure of our off-melodic funeral rock,
the slackjaw Top 20 Hit, "Bossanova in Keyboard" by Cubicle Sloths."

I'm sure the use of 3D is more apparent to someone more intelligent than me. But it seemed superfluous. I think centripetal causes is a great use of vocabulary. I'm usually not one to like unusual words in writing, but when you read the entire thought (centripetal clauses through The Lostness) it really is cohesive and almost necessary. The 'As if my dreams' through 'sponge cement floors' is top fucking notch. To me it was a depressing thought, I'm not sure if you intended it as such, but regardless it was written with a deft touch. The line after was weak, maw was one instance where your vocabulary was forced. I've used that word before, but in this instance it felt forced to me. It works as imagery, planting the boss as something more base than a human, but it just didn't land for me. Dungeon breathed boss the same. The last thought of this section was fun and funny, and Cubicle Sloths is a great satire on band names.

"They beseech you, crude cross emphatic, that -IMAGINE IS GOD-
as they spooned you proofs mathematic that the truth of all magic,
lies in inadequate bias towards thematics of science, reason & thought...
before the breach of a contract was unsleeved in Briefcases, by Glock.
I'm not pleading for off-brands. Not steeling my skin
for the singe of the sympathist's sin, not sobbing with God-Hand
as we sped along familiar flaws along Akina's twists.
Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
subliminal Vatican slop. Sorry if my bible refs are token and basic.
I'm slipping this centerfold a seminal code, at request of the matrix-
apologies, Tron."

I liked 'beseech you', but did not like 'crude cross emphatic'. I enjoy the word beseech. But the CCE segment was too staccato for me and broke up the read through. A bit clunky sir. But the section from 'as they' through 'reason & thought' is in my opinion the best thing you've written on this site. I went through it multiple times. The rhythm is perfect, the rhymes tight, and it says something. I'm speaking in feed platitudes, but it was truly inspired. The finisher of the thought, 'glocks', was good too but not quite as dope as the previous two lines. Saccharine bliss/rhetoric raw was a cool juxtaposition. The Bible references missed me but you brought me right back in the 'token and basic' line. A nice bit of meta self-analysis and a touch of self-deprecation and humor in an otherwise serious verse. 'Apologies, Tron' was also funny and well worded.

"You'll never know the ending nodes won't awaken
again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them."

I don't get the thought you're trying to convey in the first sentence, because I'm a moron. Cool Kingdom Hearts reference. I know it's a reference because you capitalized K and H. I'm fucking smart. The last thought of this section was dope, though, and almost acts as a parable. Usually parables aren't two sentences long and I'm sure there's a better work for this that I can't recall right now, but you know what I'm trying to say. SYMBOLISM! Wait, no. Maybe. It was dope, though. It invokes a mindset while painting a picture. I sound like an idiot. I liked it, though.

"Lived 1000 lives within life, professor emeritus leaving
to find I haven't experienced much.. the American species
would have me believe this bucket of ashes from Kansas
is just dust in the wounds of a madman.
The dreams never change."

I'll mention this later, but this was point where I thought you lost a bit of creativity and just started typing. The living 1000 lives idea is something your past in both writing and thought. I will say that I liked 'emeritus leaving' through 'experience much'. It's not groundbreaking, but you worded it well and it's a feeling that deserves being said. The rest I could do without.

"I am lost in somebody's forest.
Facial features darkened, the silhouettes were expected,
Wearing no spark of resemblence- recognition regressive.
So his song will evade you, since nostalgia's forsaken you
in an attic-set labryinth that switches every play-through, and listen,
Happiness happens. Misery's the shit that makes y'all (ed-no) revisit.
Time to keep rhyming these steely, eulogical rivets,
Someday you'll find it's you thats gone missing."

Nice finish. The section between the bold was just okay. I'm beginning to put your writing in the higher standard I put the vulgar's, bwhaha/dull's, blacks, etc. of the forum. It was good, but I want a bit more from you. I liked attic-set labryinth. The idea leading up to it, like I said, wasn't for me, but that phrase and wording was couched so perfectly into that I enjoyed it. The 'y'all' was your biggest misstep. It jived with the literacy of the verse so glaringly I literally shook my head. I liked the ending; it's not an entirely original thought but it meshed with the verse and gave the reader a good grasp of your point.

I read and reread this verse a few times, just trying to grasp the tone. And to Google a couple of words because you're enamored with vocabulary (not to a fault, necessarily). I can't decide if this was a pompous, wistful, or earnest diatribe, or a mix. Pompous in a good way, almost satirical. After my last reading I'm leaning towards wistful. The haughty language can make anything you write seem pompous if you're just skimming, but it seems that's just how you write. It's not good or bad, neither here nor there. Just a style. And this paragraph seems more negative than I want it to be; I thought this verse was spectacular. At least the large majority. This is cliche to say in feed, but rings true here, but the first half was much stronger than the second. I can almost pinpoint the place where you began to run on fumes. You regained steam right near the end, though. (Fume/steam is a dope feed metaphor, btw). But you had some absolute killers for lines strewn throughout this verse. I think I told you that you were one of my favorite writers in the last piece I fed of yours, and this only furthers that. You collaborated with a genius writer, and while I'm not going to pick a 'winner' or 'better' verse, you were able to stand out with your own style and make a truly well thought and meshed piece.

deadman;

"someday you'll find a receipt. and wonder
how much time a person buys in his sleep, for under
twenty six dollars and a sigh of relief
just wait. capitalism says you'll die in a week
the thunder bellows. walls separate, enlightenment leaks
cracking spiderwebs like rainforest, islanded beach
sandy seminars, my scholarship - the science of dreams
dissertations due the night you believe. try it and see
iron microchip sequences cyber viruses, freeze
typewriter whiskey and water, lantern lighting, serene"
masks off.
look around. your eyes are likely a leash
another diagram is right underneath. devoid in-between
Saria's Song on saxophone to silence the screams
lighting trees til there's not a drop of blood on the leaves
seems we're all looking older now, as summer recedes
smell the roses. stick your nose inside their fungus & sneeze
wonderland, the wunderkind, please. it's a natural trait
mathematic, abrasive. abacus factory-made
chained myself to the moment. made an elaborate escape
cause i never had anything interesting to say.
satisfaction's like a castle with palladium gates
or a class where every student's either absent or late
Split halves into 8th's, punch timecards, passion can wait
clockwork for bread. spread another crack in his face
Rhode scholars, camouflaged as addicts or saints
cocaine catholicism. pray they'll pass you a plate
valleys and lakes, rivers and tides, you live or you die
shut the fuck up or become the very thing you despise.
we're lost without a clue. but i was simple to find
in the cubicle where Kublai Khan and incubus lie
olympus will rise, like spinal column shifting chemical mind
there's paradise in poppy seeds, wisdom in wine.
if mission is rhyme - sip slow and let our documents shine
envisioning crime to serve justice like optometrist prime
for homogenous tribes in this particular groove,
religion is viewing different shadows on a similar moon
triforce when logic fails to hum a resonant truth
on forest frequencies too ancient to remember their roots..

I apologize for not being as in depth as I was for Split. But I do see your form of writing as the goal, something I aspire to re-create or come close to at my best. So separating out individual segments is tiresome; I only have so many superlatives. I will say that this wasn't my favorite verse from you; probably not in the Top 5. But that is more of a compliment than anything. I wrote this in a feed for Vulgar recently, and it applies here. I know what to expect but always come away surprised when I read your verses. The best compliment I can give is that I can't go in-depth and nitpick or isolate. I enjoyed reading this verse the multiple times I did, and everything was so fucking smooth, well worded, and thought out. The standard bearer.

As a group, this collab was great. Not only were there different styles (I don't understand the feed saying the styles were similar) but you tied in the differences with key words or allusions (mathematic, cubicle, Split halves into 8ths) and everything just flowed. An excellent piece of writing, thank you.

Nominated.

[Vulgar]

Split Eight -

Are you living, breathing, and acceptably conscious?
Please blink in your beady, TV scheduled responses.
We've been tied to our bretheren by 3D ventricle vomit,
but to succeed to our fullest, is to peel off the centripetal clauses

Why beady? Didn't seem like the right fit. This part communicated to me: the birth of artificial intelligence in an artificial environment, with TV as the example.

of this tealish and globular vehiclular-comet. I feel it more.
The Lostness. As if my dreams have been sequenced
in cloth, strummed across helicore- sponge clean cement floors

Molecular mayhem. Clearly a sci fi fiber in these bones. How about "of the tealish globs coating this vehi...etc"

with the still-running maw of my dungeon-breathed boss-
'Tune into FUBAR 24.7 from sun-up to closure,
and catch the odd composure of our off-melodic funeral rock,
the slackjaw Top 20 Hit, "Bossanova in Keyboard" by Cubicle Sloths.

Lmao, nice concoctions.

They beseech you, crude cross emphatic, that -IMAGINE IS GOD-

Wasn't feeling this line.

as they spooned you proofs mathematic that the truth of all magic,
lies in inadequate bias towards thematics of science, reason & thought...
before the breach of a contract was unsleeved in Briefcases, by Glock.

Off kilter storyboarding. Reminded me of corporate executives offing themselves in their penthouses due to guilt, or stress, or the illusion of afterlife punishment. Or that atheism is also a figment of our imaginations, and guns are the real authority on Earth.

I'm not pleading for off-brands. Not steeling my skin
for the singe of the sympathist's sin, not sobbing with God-Hand

Cool images.

as we sped along familiar flaws along Akina's twists.
Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
subliminal Vatican slop. Sorry if my bible refs are token and basic.
I'm slipping this centerfold a seminal code, at request of the matrix-

The industrial flaunting mixed with theology is refreshing when set against a robotic backdrop. 1990's pulp - I could be wrong since I took a sci fi lit class over four years ago.

apologies, Tron. You'll never know the ending nodes won't awaken
again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them.
Lived 1000 lives within life, professor emeritus leaving
to find I haven't experienced much.. the American species

This computer is an archive that wishes it could be like everyone else.

would have me believe this bucket of ashes from Kansas
is just dust in the wounds of a madman.

The leftovers from nuclear fallout?

The dreams never change.
I am lost in somebody's forest.
Facial features darkened, the silhouettes were expected,
Wearing no spark of resemblence- recognition regressive.
So his song will evade you, since nostalgia's forsaken you
in an attic-set labryinth that switches every play-through, and listen,
Happiness happens. Misery's the shit that makes y'all revisit.
Time to keep rhyming these steely, eulogical rivets,
Someday you'll find it's you thats gone missing.

Transhumanism: extending the length of human life with bionic consciousness will have the same repercussions (eventually) as the Office Space Housebot, 2.0. Or something.

Overall, that was a tight verse, almost like R2D2's combative yet slyly executed emo diary, where he explains the shortcomings of all this synthetic mortality but also finds humor in the situation: the loss of identity.


Shaqeth -

You are like an index for crisp narration and chronologically listed nuances. It's like you run the topic through a scanner, analyze the loopholes, toss in some booster modules and go to work, shoveling cloves of diligently written info into the pot. You've always been a generous writer in that way. Sometimes I feel like your name is either Bernie, Bernard or Barnum. Throw in a Brett for good measure. I didn't take away any central meaning from this verse.. it read to me like you were being general and providing as much backbone for Split's take as possible. It shows chemistry between the both of you, and he definitely held his own.'

cracking spiderwebs like rainforest, islanded beach
^Part was meh to me. I didn't see the significance in it.

satisfaction's like a castle with palladium gates
or a class where every student's either absent or late
^I took this as the lack of satisfaction or late satisfaction with the labors of city life, either as a bicentennial organism or a 9-to-5er with a bad back. The 3D prints and the pauper.

valleys and lakes, rivers and tides, you live or you die
shut the fuck up or become the very thing you despise.
^Dope. Stfu's never hurt.

if mission is rhyme - sip slow and let our documents shine
envisioning crime to serve justice like optometrist prime
^To not quote this would be a crime.

Hearty, gritty and cognitive approaches from both of you. Nommed. Keep setting the example, and the bar high as well.

[oats]

Tune into FUBAR 24.7 from sun-up to closure,
and catch the odd composure of our off-melodic funeral rock,
the slackjaw Top 20 Hit, "Bossanova in Keyboard" by Cubicle Sloths.
They beseech you, crude cross emphatic, that -IMAGINE IS GOD-
as they spooned you proofs mathematic that the truth of all magic,
lies in inadequate bias towards thematics of science, reason & thought...

Cubicle Sloths line was hilariously vivid, dope line. The flow in the latter 3 lines was nasty, content was on-point. suburban-commuter dystopian vibe to it.


again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them.

raw, genuine emotion in this, def could relate. dark side of nostalgia, when it hurts too much to realize the past won't happen again. loved it

Happiness happens. Misery's the shit that makes y'all revisit.
Time to keep rhyming these steely, eulogical rivets,
Someday you'll find it's you thats gone missing.

this is like, facing forward but looking back. if that makes sense. the solace of newfound wisdom through the cold reality. drop the mic type line



sandy seminars, my scholarship - the science of dreams
dissertations due the night you believe. try it and see
iron microchip sequences cyber viruses, freeze
typewriter whiskey and water, lantern lighting, serene

first couplet is that touch of magic, makes me want to believe in my childhood dreams of the future again. second couplet is that musky dungeon reflection, tar-stained journal entry. loved both for different reasons, though the juxtaposition made it a bit abrupt for me to really appreciate their individual brilliance.


look around. your eyes are likely a leash


you always got those knockout punches in there, like this. simple, straight, powerful.


chained myself to the moment. made an elaborate escape


this is another one of those standout lines, the following line copped out from what it could have been though. took the rug out from under us too early.


Rhode scholars, camouflaged as addicts or saints
cocaine catholicism. pray they'll pass you a plate
valleys and lakes, rivers and tides, you live or you die
shut the fuck up or become the very thing you despise.

first couplet was a dope visual, fiends in the rows of pews itching for communion. levels to dig there. second couplet was dope




if mission is rhyme - sip slow and let our documents shine
envisioning crime to serve justice like optometrist prime
for homogenous tribes in this particular groove,
religion is viewing different shadows on a similar moon
triforce when logic fails to hum a resonant truth
on forest frequencies too ancient to remember their roots..

loved the optometrist prime bit, though the couplet together seemed to juggle a lot, made it feel conceptually cramped. but it still fit. religion line is a great crescendo to the closing image. it was like the Endor of the soul. or Treetop Village from Donkey Kong Country on a cool, windless night. but while recognizing that you’re not just a product of the problem, but a perpetuation of it.



this was dope. if I were to put a name to it, it would be theme of consciousness. it was a barrage of related feelings and images, similar destinations reached by going different paths. dug it though, very glad I spent my time reading it.

[dead man]

@zygote @Darth Yoda @Innovator @PancakeBrah @Shogun Dinero @oats @Vulgar

on behalf of split and myself, you are all appreciated more than you may know..

post or PM links you would like to be reviewed in return.

thanks again.


1

[BWHAHA]

u guys complimented each other.

[Wise Wiggles]

Dope. Glad I finally got to this. Don't really know who's was better. Both had some sick ass parts. I seemed to actually favor the ladder halves of your verses in this one. Pretty solid through and through, though.

[beegee]

Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
subliminal Vatican slop. Sorry if my bible refs are token and basic.
I'm slipping this centerfold a seminal code, at request of the matrix-
apologies, Tron. You'll never know the ending nodes won't awaken
again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them.
Lived 1000 lives within life, professor emeritus leaving
to find I haven't experienced much.. the American species


damn.

This whole piece was a great read.
Lotta quoteables.
Flow was easy and def couldnt pick a favorite.

[Split]

final bump 5ever @oXus @other dude i fed @Vulgar @beegee i got you guys on your next drop

[Frank]

this was a great read.

split is like a malfunctioning computer in it's last moments. hay wired rhyming that literally over loads the brain. simultaneously stimulatingly cramped, the details of his storys are like, a family of 8 chinese people sleeping in a little bed.

split is better off not trying to adapt, as zygote mentioned, talking about his opening couplet and his improved rhyme technique, rather split must continue to string his ideas in unorthodox fashion. 'sponge clean cement floors' captured the crazyness of this.

Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,

here's somebody i think you should read...
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...672/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=298750


deadman/black

the thunder bellows. walls separate, enlightenment leaks
typewriter whiskey and water, lantern lighting, serene
there's paradise in poppy seeds, wisdom in wine.


^some quotables

this was complacently dope. when people talk about mechanics, i don't really know what the fuck they're talking about. mechanics? what the hell is that? this ain't Meinke. know what i'm saying? But dude you're a mechanic.

although I noticed some peculiarities of your usage of "." Periods rarely ever appear at the end of your lines but here you had 1 or 2 lines ending in "." These 2 lines seemed to have great affect. They were 2 of the simpler lines, and 2 of the more profound lines at the same time. I was just curious as to why you chose to incoporate "." at those particular moments?

i got a new verse up, excuse the title - check it when you get a chance, peace out

[Zen]

Just read. Dope as fuck. When I get onmy laptop I will leave in depth feed that's long overdue.

I'm guessing that the first verse is @Split Eight. At least I think so and a few other people have said the same so it must be. I'll start with what I didn't like about it. My complaints are small, in fact there's only two that I can think of. In some instances you were using very complex words with a few words that just seemed very out of place. "beady" is one that sticks out right at the beginning. It was nothing major just something that irked me as a reader. The other complaint would be several lines towards the end. The "dreams" line and the following one just seemed out of place, but now that I reread it that actually works well with what you were trying to convey. You were out of place, and so were the lines. Hmmmm. Now I see. The positives of this, which it always is with you, is your great use of vocabulary. I won't pretend to understand each and every word, but regardless they create a poetic atmosphere for the story to unfold and it did. Great job here.

Hello @dead man. You're writing is always very refined and structured perfectly. Seriously. In reading this I only found one line that stood out to me like it should not have been there and that was the "blood on the leaves" line. After I read that I felt that it might have been too stretched compared to the others that came before it. No worries on that though. It's not a major problem at all. What impressed me most in this was your use of alliteration. I'm not sure if others noticed this but the way you would carry one consonant through an entire line was quite impressive. The Saria's song line sticks out to me the most. Another strong point was your use of rhyming two or three times within one line. It carries the piece forward and makes an entertaining read. Great work.

One of the best pieces I've read on here in awhile. Props.