AOWL Week 4: Vinzr (1-0) VS. TYSON (1-1) [VINZR WINS, 4-2.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due THURSDAY 3/7 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due FRIDAY 3/8 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 3 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC:


Good luck to both participants. @Vinzr @TYSON

[TYSON]

Check

[Vinzr]

Check

[TYSON]

Extension...will show

[Vinzr]

I might need an ext too

[TYSON]

Give me an hour or two just got off work and need to finish it...

[TYSON]

This is not a verse for this song. I just let the beat lead me in a direction. I don't know lol but yea.

Salute to the kings hail Jehovah and Martin
Time has polute the dream leaving remains in garbage pails and cartons
Our brains swell for margirine and only excell when spreading the toast over arguing
Our commen sense lathargic but that's a genetic human trait
400 years the ignorance was partial to both races lynchs, riots and rapes
So the few fought with fate trying to create diamonds out of coal
African miners sold they souls to devils with political goals
Its like slaves stumbled on gold digging through sewerage, don't get me wrong
Ill never condone the brave who had the stones to do it, but them people are gone
And that invested blood sweat and tears. No literally no love,and death for years
Has created 'thugs', dressed as queers pedaling drugs to impress they peers...
They'd be depressed to hear it
a new agenda is still afoot, the few that abide and remember, sit and look
our civil defenders danced to the drum of a different foot until the rhythm shook


all I hear is drums
All I see is guns
No african spirituals, sung
Cause all I hear is guns

[Vinzr]

The road’s closed, the hobos are begging on the streets
Walking by, fear instilled and it starts trembling at my feet
Rendering all the heat inside me as we advance along
Sitting on the horseback, its gallops prancing strong
On a mission to claim a bounty, find the man then leave
Our purpose is to kill a man, without ever disrupting the peace
Despite the moon’s wind – the streets filled with heat
Every house locks their doors shut, blocking out the breeze
Every window we pass, receive strange looks as we pass by
Women, children and men, all stand blank faced like it’s a harsh sight
Their eyes bolted in, our presence radiates around the town
We finally found our target, shoot him – and then mount him down
The bar breaks out a silence, the man screams for help
We raise our guns to state our claim - everyone turns back to themselves
Leaving the town in one piece, the victim’s body marked blood red
This is the story of a bounty hunter, and his mission’s success

[Ink]

TYSON:
The verse had some grammatical and spelling errors. This read like more of a stream of consciousness piece, which was cool. There were some moments that made me stop to reread the line though.. it was a little choppy.

Our brains swell for margirine and only excell when spreading the toast over arguing

^ that line, for example.. it stood alone, not paired with any other line.. and even with the internal rhyme of margarine/arguing.. it just felt off..
Really feeling how you chose to end the piece though.

Vinzr:
A more varied vocabulary could have helped you here...

Every window we pass, receive strange looks as we pass by

I'm sure you could have found another word to use besides "pass".. this line itself was redundant, but not repeating the same word could have helped hide that fact some.
The verse read decently smooth, but it didn't really draw me in.. It felt like I was watching a black and white film without any sound, as opposed to watching something in surround sound and imax.. Some more detail and imagery could have remedied this.

vote: One verse was against violence.. one was depicting it.. interesting how that panned out. It's a tough decision.. but I'm gonna have to give this battle to Vinzr

[Mike Wrecka]

wow this battle surprised me. shit was pretty epic. both short pieces but dope.
im a do a short vote so my bad guys.


Tyson- first anything I read from you. after I read the whole iono thing at the top of your verse I was like ya its gonna suck. but it didn't! it was a really well put together piece. I enjoyed it. it flowed well in most spots but hit very minor snags here and there. very minor. but ya good effort.

vinzr- man this dude is a problem. has potential to make some real noise in this league. I liked the direction you took your verse and the flow and structure were very dope. good work

overall- this was very close. both put on a good show and I enjoyed both verses a lot. but I have to vote and I think Vinzr edged it out this week


vote-vinzr

[Frank]

This battle almost read like a dope collab; both styles complimented each other.

Tyson, first I read your verse accapella and thought it was hard. you have proven to me you are a capable poet. Then I decided to read with the beat and I couldn't catch the drift really but I like how you faded out with

a new agenda is still afoot, the few that abide and remember, sit and look
our civil defenders danced to the drum of a different foot until the rhythm shook


all I hear is drums
All I see is guns
No african spirituals, sung
Cause all I hear is guns

The authenticity of your slang was lost in translation when I tried rapping it, but while reading it I appreciated how you styled it.

Vinzr, the beat was already playing so I decide to read your rhyme with the beat as well and it flowed smooth. Had a desperado vibe going. One line really threw me off cause of our accent difference.

Every window we pass, receive strange looks as we pass by
Women, children and men, all stand blank faced like it’s a harsh sight

parse by - ? pass by rhymes with crash sky

If it weren't for that line I'd say you'd have the better overall verse considering the beat

vote - tyson

[Split]

Tyson.. Can definitely feel the connection, whether u intended or not it rolled w/ the beat. 3rd to 5th lines were fire as fuck, imagery was cool and you never strayed from the topic at all.. It was clear and powerful, wish u woulda used that chorus and gone for a closer, this beat was made for longer lyrics...

Vinzr.. "Eyes bolted in" was cool af. A lot of the words u used kinda broke up the flow more than carried it, like "purpose" "blank face" "mount him down" all stuck out like crags rather than rapids. Delivery wasn't awkward just off tempo, it felt less connected to and less inspired by the topic than Tyson's piece by a long shot. Not a bad verse, just outmatched this day

V/ tyson

[Inno]

werd..

this was a short and sweet battle...this could go either way for me. tyson had a dope angle to the verse and it fit the beat nicely.
while vnzr had a more flow oriented piece that seemed to stick better to the beat...i mean both did an excellent job with the direction
and feel to their verse..and both did an excellent job feeding off the beat..so im going to base my vote on who's verse actually flowed
with the beat...i thought vinzr verse onpoint with that..his word choice and compacked structure made it easy to go with the beat.

good battle peeps...vinzr

[Mac]

vinzr
dope vocab and flow. actually flowed very nice wit the beat. the descriptions of the scene were smooth and cool. somehow i thought its about cowboys and shit since i've been lately playing that type of games lol. nice verse even though its short, portrayed a cool image.

tyson
here we got a cool concept. scene transitions werent really smooth they were abit dodgy, considering its a small verse i didnt get lost and continued. last lines had a nice poetic touch overall a decent verse.

im giving my vote to vinzr for better vocab, flow and story. this was a short battle but a decent one. nice job fellas

[King Ra.]

VINZR WINS, 4-2.