-THE WINTER TOPICAL SECOND ROUND MAGAZINE-

[PancakeBrah]

THE WINTER TOPICAL
Second Round Magazine

Welcome to the Second Round Magazine for The Winter Topical. The First Round was a success; thirty out of thirty two writers posted verses, fourteen of six matches went to votes, and aside from the five 5-0 shutouts every match received at least seven votes. Three of the fourteen matches went down to the wire with one vote being the difference. We had two major upsets with the #4 and #6 seeds both losing, and one minor “upset” with the #16 seed losing. Although the First Round was one of the best I’ve seen in terms of talent, the Second Round is ridiculous as nearly every match has Battle of the Week potential.

This magazine will contain profiles of the reserves who advanced, a synopsis/review of every First Round battle, a preview/prediction for every Second Round battle, interviews, and, again, my try-hard pseudo-intellectual hipster taste in music. Enjoy.

THE BRACKET
Frank is still mad.

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The First Round went mostly as planned aside from the two aforementioned upsets. We had six reserves put in for Bags, ill nik-A, symetrik, Adonis, Coup, and Zenland. Bags and nik realized they were out of their element here so they signed out to check boarding stats and buy a pair of Jordan XI Chocolate Meringues, respectively. I think symetrik signing out is his only post on Netcees. I can’t confirm that. Adonis and Zenland were too busy pm’ing each other reminiscing about the glory days of the AOWL Discussion threads. Coup just signed out. I have nothing really interesting to say about Coup. Sorry Coup.

Looking at the bracket in quarter sections the dead man and Pent uP divisions look to be in a dead heat for the title of toughest/best competition. deadman, ZYG, and big baby were all talked about prior to the tournament as having legitimate shots at winning the entire thing. Witty won in convincing fashion, 6-2, in the First Round and was picked by at least one writer to upset dead man in this round. The Pent division, though, probably has the best talent top to bottom. Pent uP, Lars, and Certain are all storied veterans of the topical community having won multiple tournaments and leagues between them and Wise wrote my second favorite verse of the opening round and should be looked at as legitimate contender as well. The Vulgar division falls to third with Vulgar, Split, and oats all as heavy hitters and uh-oh as the surprise. uh-oh pulled the biggest upset of the First Round and should be respected but he doesn’t have the pedigree of most of the writers in this tournament and as a result the top to bottom depth of this division is a bit lacking in comparison to the first two. Lastly, the NYC division has a heap of talent with some caveats. If all four writers show and write to their full potential it could be viewed as one of the tougher quarters but NYC and oXus aren’t known for their steady dedication and while Nigma is a talented writer he put forth a relatively weak effort last round considering his talent. I’m still not overly familiar with trap but he beat a noted Open Mic writer in his opener. Overall, I could see eleven to twelve of the remaining writers winning the whole thing without being surprised which is a testament to the overwhelming amount of talent in the tournament.

[PancakeBrah]

THE RESERVES
Profiles

Since they were subbed in and excluded from the Opening Round Magazine I’ll be giving a quick profile of the three remaining reserves from Round One and a short word on the reserve system.

(R)oats
-subbed in for #11 Bags, won against Just Write 8-1
oats is a Hawaii-based teacher, blogger, and a nutritional contribution to any type of morning meal. Known mostly for beating Bags twice, ruthlessly, oats also writes topicals/open mics from time to time. He’s requested me to ban him in the past so that he could spend some time away from Netcees, which is irrelevant in regards to his writing but I wanted to say it. When not online beating Bags in text battles constantly he enjoys playing the ukulele while rapping about the ocean’s significance and symbolism to the plight of man. In all seriousness, oats is one of my favorite writers on the site. He hasn’t been overly active recently but his performance in the First Round confirmed he’s still a force. His strengths are imagery, wording, and emotion/empathy. He has an intelligent, smooth style to his diction that never feels forced. When he’s telling a story or painting a picture he has a strong use of multi’s in the sense that they’re never forced and are often unique. He’s capable of using strong scheming but his best pieces have an effortless feel to them where the rhymes blend one to the next while the reader focuses on what’s being said instead of being overwhelmed by the rhyming. If he were to have signed in as one of the original thirty two writers he would’ve likely earned a Top 10 seed.

from ‘Divided Hill’
”stained gray behemoths slouch in slumbering stacks
concrete skeletons erected as a puzzle for rats
the heavens are hidden hellishly in eruptions of ash
but you don’t notice it – you’re settled in a hustle for cash
to stay ahead you keep on pedaling combustible traps
like your unquenchable elephant bent on guzzling gas
LED is the future, son! the sun is the past
so keep your shutters collapsed – just in case some light might’ve snuck in the cracks
living the plight of a proton; you’re stuck in a mass
and the further you float, the more the others’ll laugh
you hunt for you next meal long as it’s smothered in fat
and even though your veins are choking you keep stuttering back
amidst these sputtering facts, I didn’t mention the streets
the piss-warm air as it’s carrying the stench of diseas
this is how life’s supposed to be in 2011
business as usual in a cubicles till you’ve pounded your head in
counting the hours and seconds until the final whistle blow
so you can sit in front of a screen till you forget why you’re miserable”

uh-oh
-subbed in for #27 Coup, won against Soulstice 8-6
da God. Prior to last round the only writing I had ever seen from uh-oh were impromptu Discussion cypher posts in random, non-cypher topics. One involved the mention of solar flares and polar bears. I immediately wanted it HOF’d. uh-oh is, obviously, different from every other writer left in the field. He disdains the long-line text form that many writers use, even lines that most topical writers would consider short are two to three times longer than one typically written by uh-oh. Writing this opposed to the accepted norm for topical writing has its drawbacks as some may glance at his verse and immediately assume a lack of depth. Last round, though, his verse had some nuance to it hidden in all those caps. He pulled off the biggest upset of the round in defeating Soulstice while strictly adhering to the topic while his opponent wrote about everything but. His verse as a standalone, though, was good in a different way than we’re used to. Very much a rap-based verse, the flow was the strong point and the rhymes were solid. The overarching theme was surprisingly good, in my opinion. I said in my vote that it was a sort of breath of fresh air and ZYG thought it was the best verse of the round. It was something completely different. If he were one of the initial 32 writers to sign in I would have probably seeded him in the mid 20’s but he showed he has some ability.

from The Winter Topical Round One vs. Soulstice
”FROZEN FORESTS,
A TRAPPER WHO DON’T CONFORM,
WITH THE SOCIAL NORMS,
GOES FOR PORRIDGE BEFORE EXPLORING.
WHILE BEARS SLEEP HE BARES HEAT,
NORMALLY ITS IMPORTANT.
HENRY 44 RIFLE
TO SORT OUT THE MISINFORMED WITH
AMERICAN TO THE CORE, SHIT
BUT FORMALLY HE IGNORES IT.
THEY LET WHORES SIT IN POWER POSITIONS
LIKE HE ENDORSED IT.
THEY SPEAK BOUT GLOBAL WARMING,
WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT WARM IS
AND THEY CAN’T MAKE A NORTHFACE
TO SAVE HIM FROM THE NORTH WINDS.
TO HIM,
IT ALL SEEMED FOREIGN
AND BORING TO KEEP INFORMED IN.
AND AFTER AWHILE
HIS REALITY WAS DISTORTED.
HIS TRAP RUNS WERE ENORMOUS
AND HE NEVER MADE A FORTUNE
BUT THE LITTLE HE DID MAKE,
HE ACTIVELY PUT TOWARDS THIS.
TILL ONE DAY HIS POLARIS LOST TRACTION
AND SENT HIM SOARING,
OFF THE BACK OF IT.
CRACKED HIS WIG AND HIS SOUL CONTORTED
THE GODS JUDGED
AND GAVE NO REACTION TO HIS PERFORMANCE
BUT SENT A SOLAR FLARE
TO INTERACT WITH THE EARTHS ORBIT.
CLEARED THE SKIES OF STORMS
SO THEY COULD WITNESS THE AURORAS
WHILE THE TRAPPER TURNED BLACK
AND RABBITS SKITTERED PAST TO FORAGE”

(R)Nigma
-Subbed in for #29 Adonis, won against Frank 5-4
Nigma was one of the first people I “beefed” with on this site during my glorious first few months here. Memories, bros. Memories. He even made a diss towards me and everything. Now he just passive aggressively insults me randomly, and I can respect that. I like passive aggressive. It took me awhile to appreciate Nigma’s writing due to said beef, but he’s definitely a strong writer and someone not to be taken lightly this round, especially after upsetting Frank. He has a strong grasp of vocabulary and often writes about off kilter and unusual topics in his open mics (anything not about women, love, or alcohol is foreign to me). He’s a good rhymer as well, although his rhymes are bit too slanted at times, even for someone who employs slant rhymes all the time such as myself. At his best, though, he’s a Vulgar-type of writer, a comparison that’s been made more than once in regards to his style. He’s not afraid to go all out and write the shit out of a topic and he’s been consistently elevating for quite some time now. It’s a stacked tournament so it’s difficult to say he’s a favorite but he definitely has the requisite talent and drive to be a contender. If he was one of the initial 32 to sign up I would have seeded him in the teens, most likely as a Top 16 seed or right at the edge of that.

from ‘Galactic Fractals’
”I channel in on fractions of the matter that fulfills our needs
The spectacle of mesophyll perfected in acrylic green
The vessels like plastocyanin evoked within your will to breathe
They grow and leave their soul beneath them lonely in oval seed
The sun begun to glow, recede, re-show in even spoken sequence
Lighting up the seedlings breaching seasons coldest snow with ease
Eyelids both are folding even holding while I pull the screen
See loads of trees all growing freely, meeting up with roads mid-east
Build opponents for the filth the sinners know they breathe
And then my field of vision zones to a capillary of streets
Before I backstep my perspective and inspect the risen regions
It’s a scene of shock and awe, it’s such serene deposit, green and aqua
Sheet of rock beneath the fauna, even under deepest waters”

Props to the three reserve writers who didn’t advance for subbing in and writing on short notice. Except Orc, who made sure to be next reserve in before diode before no showing oXus. Diode took the #2 seeded Pent uP down to the wire, losing by just one vote. That was a perfect example of the imperfect nature of using reserves. In a perfect world I would have re-seeded everyone to avoid two great writers facing off so early but that’d be impossible as we were about five days in and people already had started writing or had their topics in mind. My only recourse was to simply fill the spots, hoping that the right equilibrium of sign out talent and sign in talent would be achieved. It wasn’t. oats was close to being seeded correctly, but after that only low seeds signed out (except ill nik-A, but Orc no showed for him anyways). I saw big baby’s post about how dumb it was that Pent had to face Diode in Round 1, but that was really the only way to do it. Same thing with Frank vs. Nigma. It indeed was an unfair situation. My response is that if you lost in the First Round due to an unfair situation like that it just means you wouldn’t have won anyways as you’d probably have to face that opponent, or a similarly talented one, later on. A little harsh, but you get what I mean. You have to beat who’s put in front of you, even if it’s less than ideal. Still, both Diode and Frank would have most likely been in the Second Round if not for the reserve system and that’s unfortunate. Again, props to the reserves and every participant who didn’t advance; the topical league will be starting immediately after The Winter Topical. Hope to see you signed in.

Pancakes are better than Oats.
Interview

[img]http://media-***he-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a7/81/84/a781844c0e7d42bea0ed14bfb4c8a8c5.jpg[/img]
Oats after another battle with Bags

PB:Aside from yourself, who do you think has the best shot of winning the tournament and why?

oats:Clearly it would have to be someone in the bracket that I'm not in. But in all honesty, whoever emerges from this round is (intuitively) a legit contender. Black is always a favorite but getting past Witty is no guarantee, English and NYC are dope, and Zygote/Big Baby are both unique beasts to throw in the mix. In my bracket pretty much everyone is a tough matchup. At this point in the tournament, I'd honestly say everyone has the ability to get to the finals, so it'll be fun.

PB:What/who has influenced your style of writing on netcees? You have your own blog and do some other forms of writing; is there any crossover between text and those other mediums?

oats:In terms of my topical writing, I really just emulated the styles of everyone I found dope and used my own words and voice. I'd read Black and Pent's work a lot when I first started getting into it, but I'm influenced by pretty much every dope verse I come across.

I don't know if there's any crossover between text and other types of writing I do. If anything, I think the confines of rhyme can create a lot of really interesting images and descriptive juxtapositions, because you're working with such rigid restrictions (meter, rhythm, complex rhymes, etc). It's stuff I probably wouldn't think of writing prose, but materializes frequently in topicals. That general sense of word economy and purposeful diction (I hope) permeates all of my writing - I try not to waste the reader's time.

PB:You once asked me to ban you from Netcees so you could take a break from this place. Were you able to escape the lime green? What do you learn about yourself in the time away from here?

oats:Lol I just had a lot of shit due for work and school that week, and found myself irreparably distracted by NC. But I've since taken a bit of a hiatus (which, for the record, works much better if done unceremoniously), not only from NC but from the internet in general. Deactivated FB and all that. It was nice, got a lot of reading done, found more time to be outside and just recalibrate my life a little bit. A little distraction is a good thing, but I just felt like I wasn't balancing my productivity and distractedness appropriately.

PB:Favorite album released in 2013?

oats:Trying to answer this makes me feel like an old man, I really didn't listen to much new music last year. I listened to MMLP2 a good bit, liked the album in general. I downloaded Yeezus and MCHG but only passively listened to them. I really couldn't say.

PB:Who do you think wrote the best verse(s) of the first round? What do you think about Frank's loss and subsequent tirade?

oats:There were a lot of really strong verses last round. Big Baby and Vulgar were probably my favorites though. As far as Frank's thing, idk, nobody likes losing, and it's not unusual to hear someone say that they thought their verse was better than other people did. I didn't actually read that battle, so can't say it was a robbery or not. But if he felt like he was robbed, I can see why he would be upset, especially following his AOWL loss. Who hasn't been a bit of a bitch at one point or another about taking an L.

PB:Your domination of Bags is legendary. How are you able to consistently beat the shit out of him in battles to the point he's viewed as a lesser man by the NC public?

oats:It's really not that difficult, to be honest. How does a bear consistently triumph over salmon? This last time, when he ducked, it just proved I've got a psychological edge on him. Fear and fatigue can make cowards of any man; luckily for me, all it took was birth to make a coward out of bags.

PB:This may be common knowledge to some of the longer tenured NC users but how did you arrive at the name oats? Seems like a weird name for an internet text writer (signed, PancakeBrah).

oats:I had a string of really embarrassing names when I first started texting. Pimpavelli the Don, Sagistic Misfit (thought it sounded cool), Atemporal. I think I was just eating a lot of oatmeal at the time, and figured it would work and stuck with it. Kind of a willy-nilly decision.

PB:How do you think your battle with uh-oh will go? What's your reaction to him beating uh-oh in a flurry of all caps beauty?

oats:Uh-oh is dope. Soulstice was def the favorite, and probably wrote a better verse than Uh-oh, but in a weird turn of events, voters (including myself) just couldn't give it to him since it was barely related to the topic. Uh-oh wrote a really good verse in his own right, and he's not an opponent to look past. I'm excited to compete against him.

PB:What is your favorite italian food dish?

oats:Pizza easy.

PB:Do you sometimes want to live in the continental US like a real American?

oats:In some regards, I do - there's more room to be ambitious out there, more space to accomplish things. Hawaii is home, and I love it, but I don't anticipate I'll be here for much longer. I intend to come back though.

PB:Any last thoughts/shout outs?

oats:props for putting together a stacked tourney, hope everyone keeps showing up from here on out. Young Money Myrmidons, watch out for that ebook.

[PancakeBrah]

ROUND ONE REVIEW
Fig is dead to me.

As I’ve already said, Round One was a huge success in my eyes. Only two no shows exceeded even my lofty expectations. I’ll give a short run down of every match before getting to the Second Round previews. I was able to vote on 12 of the 14 matches last round and I have to say that almost everyone dropped either a good or great verse. Keep up the high quality as we continue, it’s been a joy to read.

(1)dead man vs. (32)breathless
This was a classic content vs. concept battle. Multiple voters thought that breathless’ concept/story line was superior. If the two writers were to simply submit a story board of their idea, breathless would have pulled the upset. Then the writing came into the picture. That’s not to say breathless wrote poorly; he dropped the best piece I’ve read from him. Black, though, did what Black does and wrote with his trademark style. It was too much for breathless to counter and Black’s disadvantage in concept was easily overcome. Black won in a shutout, 5-0.

(16)Mr. J vs. (17)Witty
The slightest of upsets, and in seeding only. This was the most evenly matched contest going into the round but Witty pulled away with a relatively easy victory after being down 2-1 after the first three votes. I was one of the two votes against Witty but it was one of those situations where you feel bad after voting, no matter who you sided with. To me this was razor close, and both writers approached the topic slightly differently with strong writing. Please forgive me, Fox. I know not what I do. Witty won 6-2.

(8)ZYG vs. (R)Mordycai
ZYG posted his verse within an hour (or thereabout) of the match being posted because he already knew what his topic was due to his 4th Internal Hard Drive having a psychic component made of a lithium-corn beef alloy. I thought Mordycai acquitted himself quite well in this battle; he had some good phrasing and lines throughout his piece. I had an issue with his verse at a conceptual level but it was solid. ZYG took a very unique approach to the topic and wrote a verse with some social commentary and humorous one liners. His ability to capture the voice of a sports announcer was spot on and the satire was well put. ZYG won in a shutout 5-0.

(9)big baby vs. (24)Fig
Fig’s a funny guy. Fig makes me laugh. Fig promised me he was going to show. Fig didn’t show. Fig is dead to me. big baby took the picture and ran with it, writing the best verse of the First Round in my opinion. It was a very strong piece of writing that stands out as unique in comparison to everything else written in the opening round and made me fiend for some green pussy. If Fig (who is dead to me btw) had shown he would’ve had trouble topping big baby’s submission (most people would) but it would have been interesting to see his response. This was the match I was looking forward to the most and it didn’t happen, but big baby made up for the lack of showing. big baby won via no-show, in the records as a 5-0 shutout.

(4)Frank vs. (R)Nigma
The second biggest upset of the first round. Both writers wrote lackluster submissions relative to their level of talent and esteem within the topical community. This match required a bit of overtime as it was tied 4-4 at the end of the extended voting deadline. Two votes came in, one for each, but per the rules set forth Nigma won since the first of the two were cast for him. Frank has a penchant for stick to one scheme for extended periods, often at the expense of natural wording. That was never more true than in this instance. Nigma’s verse was below average for his level of writing but he was able to squeak it out. Frank then went full Frank, talking shit to any and everyone and leaving one word negative feedback on respected writers’ open mics. Class act. Nigma won 5-4.

(13)trap vs. (20)CopyPat
One of the two matches I didn’t vote on. I read both verses multiple times and just couldn’t honestly give a vote either way. Both writers expressed some disappointment with the topic they were given. On a purely technical level Pat exceeded trap but trap had the edge in terms of content. Neither writer seemed to have dropped to the best of their abilities due to dissatisfaction with the topic. It’s a fair point; it was probably the weakest topic I selected but that’s no excuse. In the end the voters sided with trap’s advantage in concept. trap won 5-4.

(5)Totoro vs. (28)YDK
YDK made it interesting and this match was probably closer than the final vote disparity indicates. NYC went with a very literal approach but surrounded the topic with character details and history while YDK did the same with a more metaphorical approach. NYC’s writing, though, was superior in my opinion and he won over many voters due to it. His rhythm, rhymes, and diction were all strengths that buoyed a shaky verse conceptually. YDK put forth a good effort and earned some votes but in the end he was outclassed. Good showing by both. Totoro won 7-2.

(R)Orc vs. (21)oXus
No show by Orc after subbing in for ill nik-A. I didn’t read oXus’ verse and he later told me that it was a no show verse. oXus was probably mis-seeded (to low) so it’s a nice little bit of justice that he advanced to the Second Round. Orc vs. oXus would’ve been an interesting match up to read, though, so that’s a bit of a disappointment. oXus won via no-show, in the records as a 5-0 shutout.

(2)Pent uP vs. (R)diode
The other match that I didn’t vote on. This was an unfair matchup for Pent, as I’ve already described previously, and diode took the #2 seed down to the wire. Diode’s proven himself to be a force in Netcees’ topical scene, making a strong run in the AOWL and nearly taking out Pent here. I didn’t vote because diode and I got into a little tiff (tehe) about the circumstances of this battle and I didn’t want to possibly stir up any more rancor. Not that I would’ve voted for Pent; I chose not to read this. In the end it was decided by the slimmest of margins. If diode was able to sign in on time he would’ve likely garnered a reasonable high seed and possibly be in the Second Round. Pent uP won 5-4.

(15)Wise Ways vs. (18)Vividlyvague
Good battle. Wise wrote my second favorite verse of the round, and my favorite of the verses that went to votes. He was able to use his patented style as a character sketch which was the perfect confluence of style and concept in my opinion. Vivid wrote a strong verse as well; it was predicated on dialogue and his mechanics were in good form. This was a case of a good verse going against a slightly better, great verse in my eyes. No shame in the loss. Wise Ways won 6-1.

(7)Lars vs. (26)Objective
Lars wrote a verse with some Breaking Bad allusions comparing and contrasting reality with the glossed over version of reality in entertainment, also touching on the plight of people trapped in the global drug trade. It wasn’t his best work but I was thoroughly entertained and he kept his writing tight and very smooth throughout. Objective approached the topic with a broader scope, telling the tale of America’s downfall and the rise of a leader in the future. His verse had some definite bright spots but I personally think he bit off more than he could chew, losing the details in trying to describe the world. Fun battle to read, though. Lars won in a shutout 5-0.

(10)Certain vs. (23)Mike Wrecka *Battle of the Week*
It seems a bit odd to call a shut out win the battle of the week but, in my opinion, that’s exactly the case here. Both writers took my favorite topic of the round and went in completely different directions, both dropping great verses. Mike took a more literal route but made his verse dope through his writing and character portrayal. Certain went left-field in terms of concept, but related to it in a truly unique way while telling a story of mind control, zombies, aliens, and the human condition. It seems that every voter thought both verses were top notch, but one was just this (makes small space between thumb and pointer finger) (kills Fig) better. Great match. Certain won in a shutout 5-0.

(3)Vulgar vs. (30)Innovator
Vulgar didn’t disappoint, writing one of the handful of verses in the first round I thought were great. He wrote a verse about familial structure and its positive effects with third world countries as his canvas. His style was dialed in and the content was some of the best I read. Innovator was no slouch, either, writing the best verse I’ve read from him. He may have slightly out-rhymed (maybe) Vulgar and his verse definitely had a more slick and innovative (LOL GET IT!) flow. I think he missed the mark just slightly in regards to the heart of the topic whereas Vulgar nailed it in addition to his superior content. Fun read. Vulgar won in a shutout 5-0.

(14)Split Eight vs. (19)The Mind Assassin
Good battle (I’m getting repetitive here). Both writers approached the topic in a relatively similar way while diverging in execution. This was the most focused verse I’ve seen from Veritas and he brought a high-minded look at the human condition from the perspective of the tiger. His flow was a bit elongated, though, and lost the technical battle. Split approached the topic in a straightforward fashion as well, and may have had the slightly less nuanced approach. He pulled a dead man, though, and simply overwhelmed the voters by outwriting his opponent. His style was refined, with no superfluous elements. This battle deserved a few more votes due to its quality. It received the least amount of votes outside of the shutouts. Split Eight won 5-2.

(6)Soulstice vs. (R)uh-oh
The biggest upset of the First Round. Soulstice lost because he ignored the topic. Plain and simple. He wrote a great verse, one that would be a celebrated Open Mic, but any relation to the topic was extremely tangential and tenuous at best. uh-oh’s verse was good; the all caps takes away from the actual depth of the piece. His flow was smooth and he strictly adhered to the topic. In a vacuum, Soulstice’s verse was better (but not by as much as a first glance would indicate) but uh-oh actually played the topical game correctly and came out with a deserved W. uh-oh won 8-6.

(R)oats vs. (22)Just Write
Bags stepped out and oats took his place, which is par for the course. Oats wrote one of my favorite pieces of the round, a story about a man confused on how to provide for his family given an unethical choice. Just Write wrote a story about internal family conflict due to a lie and an out of pocket family member. Oats combined strong wording, a splash of humor, and a strong through-line for his story and he won pretty easily. I felt that Just Write went in too many directions but his verse had some highlights. oats won 8-1.

TOP 5* VERSES OF ROUND ONE
6* because I’m indecisive

5. oats/dead man
4. Vulgar
3. Certain
2. Wise Ways

1. big baby
“Baby don’t worry. I won't judge you, your plastic pussies perfect
You're my doll. Unhinge my wallet, stiff. As if you were a taxidermist


it's more like, a metaphor for where these verbs drift
where the feline between your green legs isn't purring.
I whisper a singular poem, intervened breaths so unnerving
words strip your soul, sea of stress. these tulips converging
watering your rose-bed. prime faucet, growth blossoms from its roots
inundating so awesome, saliva droplets form caution to your fruit
pass the rush. or taste a grasp and cusps, as this stallion busts
if that weren’t enough. try & answer love. I forget the science
pinned you against a wall. gravities ineffective on your capricorn-like lust
explode inside, where no man has triumphed. this lions magic thrust
most physical law forms can’t resolve this defying act of lust
i’m programmed to fuck. software interprets the code you want unlocking
decipher the matrix surface, aboard this horny locksmith
to unload this perverted trojan horse that ive concockted
if collarbones are for nibbling, the arch you form is my hearts’ synopsis searching
I could sense your chakra flowing, and fully diagnose it as lava whirling.
my pinocchio woody has come to surface, and surely he is not so nervous
to jerk and spit on your prada purses, my serpent lynch. Give God your cervix.
pilot this plane, til’ your metatarsal bones are marked for curling
dress you up in blush hickey pools, that come in forms of bursted galaxies
connecting constellation schools along your basin.
Create a perfect map of these. so innately, the Gods awaken to admire dreams.
jealous of the coloration my tongues creating.
hum a vibrational moan that travels through my lips
& phonetically pulsates your queen, in this dulcet extreme
with such a connotational tone, it unravels through your hips
observe tiny ripples spawn when I palm your backside with force
squirm at the gaudy impact, it’ll feel like a landmine with torque
It’s assinine. But worse, is that I’m a pressure censored drone
one step forward; this leprechaun of golds', registered to explode
an emphatic long-kiss, stops it. long enough for me to inform
interrupted long-breaths, I disclose to my messengers not to go
report our love like a perfect swarm. so exciting when it drips rain
your thunderstorm nails, cleave marks like bolts of lightning on my ribcage
An abstract author would call it : - Athena/Zeus; role reversal bitframe
thought you'd haul my spinal cord along my torso with that look on your face
weather report forecasted downpouring sex hormones once you took off your lace
testosterones useless. There’s nothing that could handle your moistiness
a titanic story twist. Paddle boats first, but I’d rather drown in the coitus
tempestuous fire. You could come test me, if you think that I’m idle
one hell of a cinch, you’d think it was sex for survival for your bellowing prince
the way that delicate kiss, turns into pecks of revival for my yellowish skin
You’re my featherette. My gentleness. This gentlemen itching to guide through
arch your back 1 more inch, that’s exactly 1 more that’s stretching inside you
so settle in this, one more length of your lips', leathery licks
my dollar bills whisper washingtons' ingenuous haiku
while you’re clenching your fist. Id come clench it beside. move
to let you know we’re on fire, I feel when you flinch. souls so close together
they send a message, as to hint, our life forces are vital.
i’m an immense horse, riding on his Pegasus to find you
and when my soldiers enriched. He could spread his wings. Your vagina”

[PancakeBrah]

A HIPSTER’S GUIDE TO PREDICTING THE SUPERBOWL
Not that I care.

As a hipster it’s my job to have an opinion on everything, whether I know what I’m talking about or not. And that opinion must be diametrically opposed to the general consensus UNLESS having the same opinion as the general consensus is MORE ironic than disagreeing and I’m agreeing but for a different, more smarter, reason. My initial reaction is to dislike the SuperBowl completely and instead write a blog post about the over-commercialization and capitalism that’s taken over America, symbolized by the most watched televised event of the year. That was the proto-Hipster route to take. Instead I will watch, only I’ll be studying what each snap means in regards to the current political climate and race relations within our mid-tier superpower of a country. Prior to that I must pick a side because, again, hipster. It’s critical that I’m correct; if I’m not I won’t speak about it again and will think about my mistake while listening to Animal Collective for the following three weeks. This is to help my fellow hipsters, if any, pick the right side. We’ll be ignoring stats and likelihoods of winning; the stat hipsters are a bit stale. Instead we will pick the team most aligned with our hipster ideals.

Seattle Seahawks
On the surface, Seattle is the obvious pick. Seattle, and the Pacific Northwest, is the Mecca for our personality type. This is due to being tucked away and ignored by the East Coast and California. This imbued inferiority instills the PNW with a natural inferiority complex which lends itself perfectly to the hipster persona. It’s not a clear cut choice, though, as we will soon see.

The City of Seattle: POSITIVES: See Exhibit A. Known for coffee. Purposefully weird. Constant rain creates the perfect mood for listening to The Smiths. Large underground music scene. The 12th Man idea agrees with our socialist principles. The space needle is the most hipster building this side of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Fish markets are the most hipster of food markets. CONS: Everyone knows it’s a hipster city now, which is uncool. Macklemore. Cost of living is rising, and money is the death of love.

EXHIBIT A:


Russell Wilson: PROS: 3rd round pick, every completion he throws is a strike against Big Draft. Of ambiguous racial composition. Is short; defies the stereotype of the ‘traditional’ quarterback. Went to multiple colleges. Does charity work with a slight humblebrag. CONS: Does interviews and smiles. Has a white girlfriend and white people are inherently ‘the man’. Played baseball.

Marshawn Lynch: PROS: Eats skittles after touchdowns. CONS: He is the exact opposite human being of a hipster.

Pete Carrol: PROS: Looks like Owen Wilson who is cool with the hipsters. Coaches an NFL team like it’s college; calls it a program. Good troll tactics. Has beef with Jim Harbaugh who looks like he would not understand the hipster. CONS: Shows emotion. Way too happy all the time. Looks like he enjoys listening to Billy Joel.

Richard Sherman: PROS: See Exhibit B. Ultimate troll; trolls align closely with hipsters. Late round draft pick (see Russell Wilson). Takes illegal drugs without regard to the rules against them. Went to Stanford. Dreadlocks. CONS: Made a beats by dre headphone commercial. Commercials are evil by nature. Used the ‘umadbro’ saying six months after it was passé.

EXHIBIT B:


OVERALL HIPSTER RATING: 7.6/10
-Strong City, QB, and CB hipstering.
-Head Coach and star RB strong anti-hipstering.

Denver Broncos
The underdog. The non-Pacific Northwest City with clean cut Peyton Manning against Seattle? On paper it looks like a blowout. But let’s take a closer look…

The City of Denver: PROS: LEGALIZED MARIJUANA. Naturally beautiful city, nature is God’s (if he existed) most hipster thing. Legalized marijuana. Snowy mountains are perfect for a weekend away in the Winnebago listening to Bon Iver. NEUTRAL: Makes a lot of beer but not Pabst Blue Ribbon. Also responsible for Coors. CONS: Very white (see Russell Wilson). Intrinsically less hipster by location than Seattle.

Peyton Manning: PROS: Peyton with an ‘a’ is kind of a hipster name. Expected to lose when it matters. Trolled Tom Brady. CONS: The white version of Marshawn Lynch in terms of being hipster. Try hard tendencies. Makes tons of commercials. Older brothers are by nature not hipster. OLD.

Demaryius Thomas: PROS: Second best wide receiver from Georgia Tech; being second best is very hipster. CONS: Athletic.

Wes Welker: PROS: See Exhibit A. White wide receiver is the most hipster thing in the NFL next to black punter. Very short for his position, the underdog. Used passive aggressive speech to make fun of Rex Ryan’s foot fetish. Often has a beard, but not unkempt enough for true hipster status. Defected from New England, the anti-hipster NFL team. CONS: White. Tries too hard.

EXHIBIT A:


John Fox: PROS: N/A CONS: Everything.

Von Miller: PROS: MAXIMUM HIPSTER. See Exhibit B. Name is Von. Wears dark brimmed glasses simply for aesthetic purposes. Went to Texas A&M which is by nature hipster due to Texas’s existence. Rampant use of illegal drugs. Is great when he tries but something always makes him not play. Stuck in the shadow of J.J. Watt (white). CONS: None.

Exhibit B:


OVERALL HIPSTER RATING: 7.8/10
-VON MILLER
-Strong City and white WR hipstering.
-QB, Coach, and black WR strong anti-hipstering

There it is, folks. Everything you need to know about the Super Bowl and the answer to which pick is more hipster. Denver is the winner, so we will be going with the Seattle Seahawks. Get your skinny jeans and over-inflated sense of worth ready, Seattle, you’re going to title town!

[PancakeBrah]

SECOND ROUND MATCH PREVIEWS
Don’t fumble your nuker, bros.

This round is fucking stacked. I see four to five legitimate contenders for battle of the week, dependent on everyone showing of course. We also have one round in the books to give some current perspective to these previews. Dropping to the best of your ability will be the key to advancing this round; don’t fumble your nuker or you’ll lose.

(1)dead man vs. (17)Witty
Topic: “Justice? – You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law.”
-William Gaddis

These two have a history, apparently, as it seems to be the fourth time they’ll have met in a topical battle. dead man championed for Witty last round, saying that he thought Witty was getting robbed when he was losing in votes. He turned out to be correct and now they’ll face off in Round Two. I’m still more familiar with dead man’s writing than Witty’s. Although I voted against Witty last round he still wrote a good verse in my mind and beat out a tough opponent. This is one of my favorite topics this round as it allows for multiple routes and concepts so it will be interesting to see who wins the approach battle. dead man fell a bit short in that area in the First Round while Witty’s approach was my favorite part of his verse. Witty will have to beat dead man conceptually and try to close the writing talent disparity. No offense intended to Witty, more of a compliment to black. I think the topic is neutral; it lends itself to metaphor and story equally well, the strengths of each writer respectively. This will be a close match but I think Black’s obvious strengths will take it.
dead man 65/35

(8)ZYG vs (9)big baby *Battle of the Week
Topic: “Spring, summer, and fall fill us with hope; winter alone reminds us of the human condition.”
-Mignon McLaughlin

big baby is again involved in the battle I’m looking forward to the most in a round. ZYG’s already dropped his verse (of course) but I haven’t read it yet and will write this as if he hasn’t dropped. This is a supreme matchup of styles, consisting of two writers who should be considered serious contenders to win the entire tournament. ZYG is an analytical cyborg, often writing apart from emotion. Not to say he can’t create empathy; he’s actual good at it. But it comes from a detached place, much like his persona. big baby, on the other hand, writes pretty passionately when that’s the direction he wants to go. Both are gifted technical writers but through completely different means. ZYG has a mastery of many styles of text and he can unleash a flash of rhyme schemes better than most anyone. big baby has the same capability but he’s at his best when you’re reading one of his verses and the rhymes just blend, and you’re not even sure how and why something rhymes, racking your brain backtracking to see where the rhyme originated. They hit you unexpected, amid your interest of what he’s actually saying. Content wise they’re also top tier, and again different. When I read a ZYG verse I feel like a student, listening to a teacher telling me a story knowing he’s going to drop some knowledge I need. big baby is the teacher who got fired for calling his principal an idiot and turning a lecture into a George Carlin listening party, speaking to students at a bar with a smug look. I think that makes sense. I actually think the topic favors ZYG, as it allows for analysis and psychology. big baby has repeatedly says he doesn’t like to be confined to a topic. I prefer his style of writing currently, although that could change tomorrow, and I think he’ll be able to work with the topic. I have big baby by the slimmest of margins.
big baby 51/49

(R)Nigma vs. (13)trap
Topic: “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
-Kurt Vonnegut

Certain really wanted this topic. SUCK IT BRAH, YOU GOT A TOPIC ABOUT WORDS. Anyways. Nigma is currently watching The Cosmos by Carl Sagan while feeding his pack of wolves, thinking about this topic in an existential void. trap is crafting the perfect post to make me feel bad about my topic selection. This is an interesting battle. Both writers wrote below their level of talent last round but did enough to squeak into the Second Round. I’m more familiar with Nigma, having read a grand total of two verses from trap now. I think this topic favors trap a bit more than it does Nigma as I’ve categorized Nigma as a writer who enjoys the broad scope and interesting, left-field topics. I say this, again, not being too familiar with trap but if I had to say which writer was better, gun to my head, I’d go with Nigma just because I know he’s talented and have experience with his writing. This is a shot in the dark because both put forth less than stellar efforts last week but I’m going with Nigma slightly. Wouldn’t be surprised by either winning.
Nigma 55/45

(5)NYCSPITZ vs. (21)oXus
Topic: “I am secretly in love with everyone that I grew up with.”
-Matt Berninger

Battle of the week potential. Neither writer has checked into the battle which isn’t a surprise as both have no show potential. NYC dropped an uneven, well written verse last week and oXus wrote an admitted no-show verse so it’s hard to extrapolate anything from last week’s matchups. I don’t think the topic favors either writer, but if I had to make a choice it’d be NYC. He’s an alcoholic and alcoholics can write about this topic well, I would think. I’m stone cold sober so I don’t know. I’ve reread some of oXus pieces during the run of this tournament and I do think that I’ve underseeded him, as I mentioned earlier. This is a coinflip in my mind, but I think NYC will take the positives of his First Round verse and pair it with a stronger concept. I hope both show.
NYCSPITZ 60/40

(2)Pent uP vs. (15)Wise Ways
Topic: “You’ve got to jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down.”
-Ray Bradbury

Great matchup of styles. Wise has one of the most distinct styles in the tournament and submitted my #2 verse of the opening round. Pent squeaked by diode in a verse that he admitted to me took awhile to pick up steam in his writing process. I think a fully engaged and on-point Pent is the slight favorite here but with the last round in mind I think Wise has the hot hand and is writing better at this point. Certain mentioned that the topic favors Pent in his predictions and I agree. This topic lends to Pent’s style perfectly, much like the topic last round did for Wise. Not to say Wise can’t attack this topic like he did last week but in a vacuum it favors Pent. Pent will stress over his verse while drinking his newest microbrew, drinking himself into a black out only to woke up with a masterpiece in his notebook. Wise Ways will go to a deadmau5 tripping on a drug they haven’t invented yet, stumble home and write a masterpiece at 4 a.m. There’s some variables here, and while I think Pent will be motivated this round Wise impressed me last round to the point I think he’ll pull the upset. My runner up for battle of the week.
Wise Ways 51/49

(7)Lars vs. (10)Certain
Topic: “Thanks to words, we have been able to rise above the brutes; and thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons.”
-Aldous Huxley

Classic matchup, apparently. Certain revealed his alias a short while ago as Tha Talent and apparently these two have had at least one battle in the past. Both are great writers currently, highly respected within the site. Certain wrote one of the top three verses of the First Round in my opinion while Lars wrote a good, creative verse using just enough of his talent to win in shutout fashion against Objective. Certain’s been more active within the topical scene these past few months with a good deal success while Lars’ participation in this tournament is the first real activity he’s had in quite some time. Certain has voiced some disappointment with this topic so I would assume that Lars has the advantage in regards to the topic. Even before Certain said that I figured the topic favored Lars slightly. I think this will be close and both writers are properly motivated. Certain wrote at a higher level in the first round and I think that will continue here.
Certain 55/45

(3)Vulgar vs. (14)Split Eight
Topic: “The second half of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.”
-Feodor Dostoevski

Another great matchup. Vulgar wrote to expectations in the First Round as did Split Eight. Even though Split’s become one of the better writers on the site and has improved with almost every verse he’s still the underdog here. Vulgar’s one of the best here and it seems, if the First Round is any indication, that he’s taking the competition seriously and focusing his efforts. Also, the topic doesn’t lend itself perfectly to Split Eight’s style while it seems be a good match for Vulgar. If Split Eight can win here and advance the ‘most improved’ title will switch to ‘top-tier’ awfully quickly. I wouldn’t be surprised if Split won but the smart bet would be Vulgar.
Vulgar 60/40

(R)oats vs. (R)uh-oh
Topic: “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
-Ernest Hemingway

On paper this is the biggest mismatch of the Second Round. The same could have been said for Soulstice vs. uh-oh in the opener, though, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that uh-oh could pull off an upset. oats wrote one of my favorite verses of the First Round and uh-oh surprised me with the quality of his. You have to imagine, though, that oats won’t make the same mistake as Soulstice in not relating to the topic. He seems too dialed in to make the same mistake uh-oh’s last opponent did. The topic itself works well for both writers, with maybe a slight edge towards uh-oh because, you know, da god. Even if the topic favors uh-oh it’s only by the slightest of margins, not nearly enough to cover the disparity in writing. It’s odd to say uh-oh is a worse writer than anyone in this tournament because he writes how he wants to write with no regard for the current trends and zeitgeist of the netcees topical scene. But he’s writing in a tournament that takes those into mind in the voting so it has to be said. There’s a good chance uh-oh will write the most entertaining verse of the round and still lose, if that makes sense. It will be an interesting read but I’ve got give oats a decided edge in my prediction.
oats 75/25

Split Just Wouldn’t Shut Up
Interview

PB: Aside from yourself, who do you think has the best shot of winning the tournament and why?

SE: Vulgar or Certain. Never underestimate their opponents

PB: What/who has influenced your style of writing on netcees? Both on and off the site.

SE: just Mike Wrecka's words of wisdom.

PB: You are working towards becoming an Engineer. How do you plan on your text career helping you in that field? What type of engineering? You've said your very poor due to school. How do you maintain your swag on such meager earnings?

SE: hopefully employers will recognize I got Barz

PB: Favorite album released in 2013?
Acid Rap, Wrath of Caine or w/e

PB: Who do you think wrote the best verse(s) of the first round? What do you think about Frank's loss and subsequent tirade?

SE: Wise Ways did. Frank is mad as always though

PB: How do you think your battle with Vulgar will go? Do you think he will make mention of a foreign country?

SE: We will be exploring uncharted territory. Stay tuned

PB: Multiple people have said you're the most improved writer of the last year. Do you agree? What's helped you elevate?

SE: Idk maybe. Definitely my adderall increase. artificial intelligence ftw

PB: What are your feelings on the Iran-Contra affair?

SE: I never played that game

PB: We all know the Split Eight/Sharp Nine joke is old. You guys have a pic battle set up in the UTC....but no pics. Will this battle actually happen? If it does will you incorporate how frail Sharp Nine is into one of your punches? Who do you think would win an actual physical fight between you two?

SE: Oh its going to go down. Really all of my punches will incorporate his structurally inept skeletal frame

PB: Any last thoughts/shout outs?

SE: Shout out to black bitches

CLOSING REMARKS
I did this at work.

It was a slow day at work so I went covert mag mode. I live an exciting life. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this, it was quite a bit of work trying to match or come close to the length of the first mag. You guys made the First Round a success and a good mag was necessary after that. With a smaller pool of writers and the reserves subbed in I hope we can get a 100% show rate. That would be excellent with such a stacked lineup. I look forward to reading and voting on every battle this week and I wish all the writers the best of luck in this round.

-Pancake.

[trap.]

Another ridiculously awesome mag. Thanks for putting in all this work.

[Certain]

Pete Carroll is more the jam band type. Read this when you have time:
http://www.lamag.com/features/2007/1...e-carroll-does

Fuck your Oxford commas.

[oats]

awesome, thanks for all the work, Cake.

[Vulgar]

Dooope

[uh-oh]

dope mag good work

im AN OG VET THO

with BARS

but word good shit. with my lines i just kind of structured them how i wanted them read. you could just make 4 lines into 2 really like the north face north wind thing is like 2 regular short topical bars. but i was kind of uninspired by the pic and was forcing whatever was working. i caught snags and smoothed shit out tho it aint like a pure key, but it was one session

but word i text rap in all caps now

[big baby]

very good baby laser

[Wise Wiggles]

jesus@ the gifs. this was a dope mag. and I say that srsly. kept my attention more than any other I can think of as of recent. very appreciative. for the timely fashion and everything.

good luck to everyone

[Nigma]

Props Cake. You have hosted an excellent tournament so far

[Witty]

This was awesome, even better than the last mag....I read all of it except the superbowl bit cuz idk about American things, they make my head sore.

Like Nigma said, you've done an incredible job and this is probably the best tournament I've ever been a part of in terms of talent, or in terms of anything really.

And I forgive you....don't worry sweet prince.

[Objective]

Read it on my phone the other day, yesterday perhaps? I can't even tell the days apart anymore. Anyways; read some of the mag, goimg to read the interview next time I'm on the shitter and the entirety of the reviews for good measure. Y'all doing great work, that's for sure. This shit is dope as fuck!

[Eŋg]

great mag.

A- (would have been A+ if you interviewed me).

also my verse was fiyah! read it.

[Diode]

good job.

[PancakeBrah]

Originally Posted by Certain

Pete Carroll is more the jam band type. Read this when you have time:
http://www.lamag.com/features/2007/1...e-carroll-does

Fuck your Oxford commas.

How/why do you know this? Actually, it makes sense that you know this.

I will never not use the Oxford comma.

[Diode]

Originally Posted by Pancake

How/why do you know this? Actually, it makes sense that you know this.

I will never not use the Oxford comma.

OXFORD FOR LIFE

[PancakeBrah]

The oxford comma can be confusing too, though.

I invited the stripper, JFK, and Stalin.

That could be read as the stripper (JFK) and Stalin.

But word, oxford comma all day every day. Shit's professional.