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Old 02-13-2014, 05:06 PM   #1
Clayray
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Default What's good.

a simple flick of the wrist, movement of a pen
a blueprint that begins to teach a student about the sin
what a nuisance I have been my words'll loosen you to the stem
mutant to the skin let the mutiny contend as my fluent flows begin..

..Checkmate..

seizure to your chestplate from a creature of the best race
take a breather & rest, wait. then get a cleaver till ya neck breaks.
I'm Caesar on a fresh plate.. no.. I'm Caesar in the flesh, fake.

..Respect my conglomerate..

Get checked for your common sense pussy niggas get wrecked of their dominance
& I have their mommas give neck until they vomit shit
I don't connect with the opposite

..Consiousness Consilence..

I'm prophetin consequence for the cognitive audience
a certain confidence in populace, tolorence of obnoxious
a bottomless pit full of noxious men who'll die from a jot of the pen

Piece that is from another site. just wanted to drop it here to get more feed an to officially introduce myself, word.
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Old 02-13-2014, 07:04 PM   #2
Aesthetic
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Default

Welcome to netcees.

Quote:
a simple flick of the wrist, movement of a pen
a blueprint that begins to teach a student about the sin
what a nuisance I have been my words'll loosen you to the stem
mutant to the skin let the mutiny contend as my fluent flows begin..

..Checkmate..
I like the flick of the wrist part but everything else just felt chaotic and unorganized; not even from the layout just lyrically I felt lost.

I mean, you dont say anything about sin. And nobody is a mutineer. sin, pen, stem and begin dont rhyme...

Quote:
seizure to your chestplate from a creature of the best race
take a breather & rest, wait. then get a cleaver till ya neck breaks.
I'm Caesar on a fresh plate.. no.. I'm Caesar in the flesh, fake.

..Respect my conglomerate..
I saw the flow in this, but you did something to extend it and ruined my image.
Shoulda :
seizure to your chestplate from a creature of the best race
get a cleaver till ya neck breaks.

Quote:
I'm Caesar in the flesh, fake.
I dont like your use of the word fake.

Again, race doesn't rhyme with break.

Quote:
Get checked for your common sense pussy niggas get wrecked of their dominance
& I have their mommas give neck until they vomit shit
I don't connect with the opposite

..Consiousness Consilence..
Get checked for your common sense pussy niggas get wrecked of their dominance This was dope, the rest wasn't feeling me.

Quote:
I'm prophetin consequence for the cognitive audience
a certain confidence in populace, tolorence of obnoxious
a bottomless pit full of noxious men who'll die from a jot of the pen
Solid ending for a bad piece. Its not that your not good; you just need to keep writing and peep some of the better writers lyrics. Text is a lot more ballpoint picture perfect then actual music. Work on plotting intro>climax>ending and try and do that with every bar.
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