Week 3: Vividlyvague (1-1) vs. King Ra. (1-1) \\ Vividlyvague wins 9-4

[Certain]

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topics this week are available for your choosing here.

Good luck, @Vividlyvague and @King Ra.

[e11even]

"There's a war going on outside no man is safe from..."


Austin Sr's armed like true patriots from the waist up.
Yankee tee, muzzle cast covering where his face is cut.

Austin Jr's gone off his rocker, down to his makeup.
Red Sox hoodie, supra vandal sneaks with the laces tucked.

Baseball bat, a machete, and leather bag with a laser gun,
And a few rolls of quarters for tolls where the Navy had placed their guns.

Animals are leaving your town at an unheard-of rate. Birds, squirrels, rabbits and even insects are migrating elsewhere.

Mass animal migrants... reckoning nears. This day has come.
Purple clouds, juice shoots from spouting hydrants- touting what they have done,
But to rejoice prematurely's considered in a war's wake as dumb,
Simply because the fruit is still bitter...

"Father, the day is young."

Sr. prepares his 8-bit troops-
Kong apes fit ta break shit and take chips too.

Jr. gets on his Banshee space ship and takes zips through
the various states of alien natives to rake in recruits.

"We fathered his generation! Fight with hatred, regroup!"

"He's allergic to sophistication! We can vanquish this brute!"

But every epic war's in need of a titan unleashing this violence,
A metamorph- or equestrian hybrid leading the crysis.

You walk out of your front door one Monday morning to the sight of a mythical creature.

Austin Sr.'s belief in the highest left his doorstep a greet by the finest,
"A pewter-forged unicorn!!!"
Its saddle ablaze, sparking etheric iron.

Austin Jr. sat atop a steeple of tyrants,
A villainous heap,
A metallic being beaming Hades' heat from its visor.

A giant robot is walking down the street, killing people and blowing up storefronts.

Sr. steps off his stoop and sees Jr's pleased with the fires
Engulfing storefronts where his covenant grunts increase in their power.

On steeds they converge,
leaving human beings devowered.
Collateral damage immense,
Both intending on not conceding as cowards.

And just as each's fatal blow was delivered,
"Big Austin and Little Austin, make your way down for dinner!!"

"Nice game battle, too bad we hadn't decided a winner..."

"No worries, Dad. That was just practice. You can't flatten a next gen-er."

:)

[King Ra.]

It's March and you're going to your 5th funeral of the year.

Am I next? Or is this some kind of sick joke?
The thought has me stressed, so much so-
I'm sitting in a dark room, around my neck is a rope.
I've lost all hope, this shit has me upset.
5th funeral of the year?
Well, I just took a 5th line of some coke.
(After a couple of bottles of beer, too....)
My mind keeps playing over each service attended,
More like a nervous convention
Every feeling within me surfaced, ascended
And when each service had ended,
a man I never knew would look me in the eyes and say to me:
"at this rate son, the devil will come for your soul eventually".
Splendid.
Last thing I needed to hear is some religious freak
talking about some ficticious creed,
I'm grieving idiot! Just let me be!
It's ridiculous enough I have to hear the bishop speak,
I went home that day by the way,
lighting a dirty like Christmas trres.
Laid in bed. Shut my eyes. Slowly went to sleep.

My mother was the first to go, her apartment caught fire
Next was y father, a convict-
who tried to escape but got caught in some barb wire.
My sister passed from heart failure and as things were getting worse,
my brother committed suicide because he couldn't get any work.
These events kept replaying in my head, it felt like a curse,
Every funeral they rode off in a hearse.
Now here I am once again, standing by another casket,
you just don't know how much it hurts.
I couldn't take it any longer, wasn't fit to survive,
all my loved ones were taken away, there was no longer a meaning in life.
Didn't think twice, I was certainly next to go,
didn't want to wait any more, so I hung from a rope.
Now I'm here watching my relatives as they cry and mourn....
but I see my body laying in peace,
I am no longer scorned.

[Adonis]

Voting on phone at 3AM Friday night chea

Jah. there was too much rhyming in succession... Almost stopped reading at missed spelled words like preschool trees and random Letters Y's. Dick right? Muhahaha

Vividlyvague - most of this was long Barr'd which I'm not a fan of. However,I read Jah 's verse first and disliked it.

Vote king Ra.

Better flow to the pieces entirety

[timeless]

VV, could tell you had a decent amount of fun writing this. Using multiple topics is a risky move, but I think you played it just right. As far as the writing goes, it was lackluster to say the least. Your rhyming was pretty basic, couple of lines didnt even rhyme properly, the flow was so-so. Overall it wasnt bad though after another read, wish you wouldve been a little craftier.

KR, same with v, you fell victim to a basic display of words with a really akward flow at times. Your story wasnt too great either. The father died by bardwire? Come on. You couldve did a lot with your concept in mind and packed a lot of emotion but it just didnt happen for you.

V. VividlyVague for a more semi-enjoyable read.

[Just Write]

Vv, sup brah? I liked this piece, very much disliked the double spacing. Just unnecessary. Also I wish you would have just stated the topics you were doing. The way you had the in the beginning of each section really threw the flownof the overall piece off with having to read them each time. If I wouldn't have went back and reread your piece without reading those topic titles my vote probably would have been different.


King ra, sup player. Man this piece has sooooo much potential. It's like I was telling vulgar in his piece, I come to expect a certain class of writing with people when I know they're fully capable of it. Ive seen you just knock out some MONSTER pieces but this one felt very lacking. Idk if you havent had time to write this season or if you're just rusty but this is below your usual capabilities. Not to say it wasn't a good piece though, just not good enough

Mvgt=vv

[zygote]

Vividly vague uses a whimsical setting to great effect, characterization was a bit one-dimensional but that is OK because clearly the focus was on rich descriptives of the universe. Story progression wasn't linear at all but that is also OK because it was interesting how the action moved from place to place without much coherence, it added to the fantasy atmosphere. King Ra's use of writing tone stuck out, it was a very cool train of thought type of deal, colloquialisms, self rationalizations and a bit of self-doubt, some good internal dialogue to explain the progression through narration rather than description. In a way kind of the polar opposite of VV's approach here. Lacking a bit of the stylistic showmanship that VV had, but the language was more direct, which actually fits in with the internal monologue style kind of, it would be unrealistic to go for fancy similes when it's essentially just a narrator talking to themselves. It all comes down to execution, both had good elements and used a certain style/tone to emphasize their overall theme, but I think King Ra executed it a little bit better. Voting for King Ra.

[Certain]

This battle is tied 2-2.

[Zen]

Vivid: I have to agree with Zy on the changing of writing added to a more fantasy atmosphere. Ironically before I got to the end I was picturing the ps4 commercial where the two friends are fighting each other in games lol. The writing itself was very basic but you had the story going for you and that helped push it along to its conclusion.

Ra: You da man, but I gotta be honest with you and tell you I wasn't really feeling this. Vivid's rhymes were basic as well but this extremely basic and not something that I've come to expect from reading your works. The emotion was there but even it felt forced to me. Idk what to think about this tbh.

V/Vag

[oats]

This is a tough match to vote on. Vivid had a more interesting piece to me, and the lush descriptions of the video game worlds were a lot of fun. Of course, the end of a father and son playing together was a warm one. If anything, I just felt like there was oomph missing. You took a challenging route by incorporating many topics, and found a way to weave them all into one overarching story, but it's almost like there wasn't a point? Idk, sounds harsher than what I mean, I'm just saying that when I finished the verse, I was truly finished with it, not much stuck with me other than it was a fun read.

Ra, less exciting, more straight-forward approach. There was a lot of raw emotion in there, and it was underscored by an incisive honesty that fit, despite making the writing itself a little more bland. The fifth funeral being his own was a good look, too. My one qualm here was that, similarly, I think there were lots of holes that could have been filled in terms of diving deeper into the content. I guess I expected a little bit more meditation on mortality or life in general, whereas this was mostly just a "Final Destination" type paranoia.


Vote: Both were so different, and succeeded in very different ways. I gotta edge it to Vivid. Both verses were good ideas that left me wanting, but the atmosphere of Vivid's verse pulled it out for me.

[YDK]

This was a dope as battle forreal.
vivid you impressed with the creativity and imagery describing the video game while including more than one topic. The flow was decent but a few stretched/forced multies had me rereading once in a while. Solid drop tho I expected the ending pretty early on.
RA easily the closest to the take I was debating on this week. I guessed the ending about halfway through because its how I would have ended it lol flow an multies were on point but the emotion really brought me into this piece.
A very close battle but I gotta vote for the one I preferred and related to more which is RA.
Good shit fellas

[Vulgar]

VV - Well, this was creative as hell... you really kept my attention throughout the whole thing and I was eager to receive more info about the characters. The use of three topics was daring, if a bit unnecessary, since you had me convinced and it was progressing successfully. What I liked about this was its sporadic, upbeat quality, and that it didn't take itself too seriously.

King Ra - The format was entertaining and the voice was effective; however, with that said, the ending was completely foreseeable. This was the downfall of your verse, IMO. Huge opportunity here though if you wanted to discuss more about how attending your own funeral is a unique experience, I thought that would've been cool to mess around with.

VVote - VV

[patrown]

vividlyvague - really like your first few lines. this week, a few people tried multi-lead approaches. and to be honest, i liked each one individually. cohesively, i didn't really feel your approach. felt like a few story beginnings thrown together. but in all honesty, they were pretty fucking tight stand-alone. just didn't really feel it as a whole. . .

king ra- i really liked this piece as a whole. for a few reasons i won't go into. but you stuck to a single topic here and did it well. i appreciate that, and enjoyed the read. it read well. but more importantly, i understood your entire story and felt ok with it at the end.
/v king ra - i enjoyed his read more and took more from it. connected with it a lot. enjoyed the piece and had no problems with any part of it. this was a close match, cuz vv out rhymed him in some places. but in the end.. ra's piece was more solid so he gets my vote this week.

[sacrifice]

VividlyVague: The reason I liked this so much is simple, you were able to approach each topic under a main thematic device. That device was rather like looking through the Steam library on my computer, from game to game - it definitely sounds like you've played some of the games I play. I enjoyed that it created a moral space that allows for video gaming to be the "father/son catch," and of course the irony of relationships maintaining their solidarity by creating and destroying each other's avatars in various virtual environments. Plus the rhyming was sickly throughout the majority of the piece. It's a nice strategy, to have the many-topic approach; each topic acting as a guide to help create coherence in what would be a rather random-sounding piece otherwise. That approach to the topic definitely worked well in this instance. Multple topics for me is always a great idea, because if it's done carefully, topics in the midst of verses can help pull the reader in and out of situations or scenarios. A good pace-setting device.

KingRa: Well man, this definitely feels and looks like someone just falling into the abyss, gradually - an inevitable death made manifest by karmic association, or something. Your character is like Job, or any character with luck problems... or Fate problems, if you will. This character definitely comes across as fated to suffer the end at some point during a long string of "ends" to life. The problems here are, some strange typos, some of the diction choices and writing style came across as lacking the kind of profundity one might expect reading a piece about karmic/fated/death etc. Nonetheless, you certainly do succeed in creating an environment in which the reader follows with empathy, despite how extreme the circumstance is - the endless fall into the abyss.

Vote: VividlyVague - the reasons are clear; over all a really colorful, interesting, and entertaining verse with some cool layers of depth and dope rhyming. KingRa would benefit here with a little time. Put some time in and perfect this piece and it might present itself better in the future.

[Ink]

Vivid: That was a cool bar to start your piece with. I liked the verse in their components, but wish you found a more integrated way to introduce the different topics you tried to incorporate.. It took me out of the flow of things and made me stop to reorient myself.. In general though, it was a fun approach that you took here. Way to start off with a topic most people would manifest into a really heavy verse and make it lighthearted

King Ra: Considering the lines prior, and the lines following, "I've lost all hope, this shit has me upset." felt unnecessary. In general I felt like I was reading the sparknotes version of the verse you actually wanted to write... The story went at a good pace, but there was a lack of depth... Some quick details of how each person left and then poof, the characters own death..

There were things I liked and disliked about both verses... though a bit disjointed, I'm going to edge it to vivid for his creative angle on the topics.

Vote: Vivid

[dyedinthewool]

I’m going to vote on this battle in this format simply because I feel that while both opponents used different topics, one more than the other, your pieces are actually quite similar in what I thought was off this week. Vivid your piece is always a bit more out of the box and the more I read from you the more I can tell I’m going to enjoy your next piece lol. There were a few references that you made in this piece that I found refreshing. King ra, your piece is a bit better with mechanics and wording but I feel like you could have done a lot more with your topic. Both your pieces for me have the potential be awesome. Vivid while you have an interesting approach to the pieces you conquer, some pieces are meant to have a format that doesn’t look so disjointed. King ra, your piece just left me wanting more.

For enjoyment alone mvgt vv

[Frank]

Vote - vivdlyvague

I apologize for leaving this vote to the last minute. I've read better from both contenders. King Ra brought out a dull samurai blade for this one. Wasn't his usual stuff but the effort was applaudable. Vividlyvague wrote a verse that looked as if cut into pieces by that samurai sword but he put it all together by the final bell.