03-17-2014, 06:05 AM | #1 |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,072
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899402 |
Week 4: patrown (2-1) vs. Ink (2-1) \\ Ink wins via quasi-no-show
Season 3 The Basics | Read the full rules here. Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS. Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT. Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent. Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread. Topic Good luck, @patrown and @Ink.
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
03-21-2014, 09:47 PM | #2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 329
Battle Record: 5-5
Rep Power: 56 |
This verse is about a picture
There's two kids on a swing I could write about that empty swing next to them Their mother that died, their father that died How they were abandoned by parents that couldn't take care of them I would probably start by saying the creaking of the chain paired well with laughter Like wine pairs well with cheese That's actually not bad. Probably more creative than half you fuckers Or I could ignore the swing all together and focus on The gutter at the wayyyy bottom. How gutters are unappreciated though they do all the dirty work And then relate it to a janitor or some shit And how children always act like they're above them Cause in the picture the children are above the gutter Fuck - that's deep as hell. King me. Or I could write about that sign How in China, they accompany all the signs with English Because fucking white people, them mother fuckers. In America, they don't accompany all the signs with another language If you don't know English, then you're shit out of luck. I would write about how that sucks. White people in a foreign country Should suffer and have to be ridiculed for their lack of understanding of the native language Like how my mother is. Like how my grandmother is. I'll probably then tell the story of how kids threw rocks at my grandmother After Virginia Tech. Cause that fucker was Korean. And minorities don't have the privilege Of being seen as individuals. I swear this verse rhymes, you just have to look for it. I promise. I wouldn't lie to you. It also flows like butter. You just have to find the rhythm. In your heart. (I think that's a Disney song...) My grandmother actually wasn't stoned. It was some other grandma. But it's more powerful of a story if I say it was mine. And besides, though it wasn't my grandmother, those kids effectively threw rocks at all of us. This Middle Eastern mother saw me and my cousin walking down the street after Virginia Tech And took her son to the other side of the street, watching us with fearful eyes. And I'm just like. You mother fucker. You of all people. Fuck you, asshole. This verse is jokes. But there's also nuggets of goodness in here. Like when you take a shit after eating corn. Or I could write about how the wall is falling apart But the image of the kids is not. How childlike innocence or some shit stands the test of time. But nah. That isn't dark or moody - and for a lot of people That translates to it not being "deep" Or, I could do it. And then write about a child dying. Yeah. That's some good shit. Death always immediately makes a verse "deep" That's why lighthearted verses rarely win. This verse is moody as fuck. It's so deep. (note the lack of sarcastic quotations) Vote for it. Or. I could write about a crazy person. That approaches this painting every day, apologizing to the kids... Thinking they were his, thinking he was about to abandon them And having to live through that horrible experience daily. Werd. I once wrote a verse that introduced a sexy peach. And some of you fuckers got off to it. Perverts. I could compare that ripe peach. To a child. And write a verse about pedophiles. My coworker found out a convicted child molester lived near her. She looks like a child (she's Asian). She's scared. With good reason.
__________________
Pen and Thread Bent | Nom | Ink STILL working on that book I left competing for... ig: @dchang.poetry Last edited by Ink; 03-22-2014 at 12:42 AM. |
03-22-2014, 01:58 AM | #3 |
‹^›ô¿ô‹^›
|
1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 Last edited by patrown; 03-22-2014 at 03:39 AM. Reason: retired. |
|
|