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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,709
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randomness induced my a 6 shot expresso and too much supplements. gotcha boy with the gitters like a mu'fucka.. drop a link n ill rtf
sometimes i question whether Im a God or a human, a blank facade; an illusion.. or just a pompous nusiance who gets off on making awkward music. you see it takes a scrupulous thought process to make a concious conclusion, that we are more then just some semi-autonomous populace aimlessly moving. we place faith in a movement that produces the faintest improvements.. from your typical hypocritical pastor, passing blame and confusion, faking allusions.. but ill still laugh n admit it, that im the palpable cynic. i get a bit of amusement , everytime i walk in and see'm spewin "truth" to their students,... then immediately proceed to convict n rebuke em. they're foolish and weak and have the need to believe, that somewhere beyond lies some spiritual being? idiots! isnt that somewhat ridiculous? the truths so fuckin conspicuous, some use corrupt intuitions and place trust in the midst of a government union. you fuckin ruined it! you dick, you're just a Peter to my Pewterschmidt while im a deviant to ruthlessness. there's no conclusion to these foolish script so ill just end it with your moms a bitch who i titty fucked; no lube just spit.
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#2 |
Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24
Champed - Art of Writing League
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This was dope. You worked very well with the paragraph style as well I gotta say. I was really expecting something completely different when I read the title lol. But nonetheless you got some good shit here.
you see it takes a scrupulous thought process to make a concious conclusion, that we are more then just some semi-autonomous populace aimlessly moving. we place faith in a movement that produces the faintest improvements.. from your typical hypocritical pastor, passing blame and confusion, faking allusions.. ^^^Very fuckin dope. Really damn near all of it was perfect except for a few cases of syllable counts not matching up but I can't remember where they were so it obviously wasn't too big of a deal. All in all great drop here man. |
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#3 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,898
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Like to see you stretch your rhymes more and be braver with slants. You used "movement"/ oo-in as a end rhyme a whole lot. Strong ending, flow didnt stutter but also came across as safe. Secondary/ internal rhyming was impressive but kinda masked by the paragraph, and the rhyming wasn't progressive/abstract/revolutionary enough to highlight the cohesiveness of the paragraph as a whole. Cool exercise. Keep keyin
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http://split8.yolasite.com |
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#4 |
Senior Member
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you had Some dope lines, Flows & line up needs more work.
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#5 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
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I thought this would have been dope as a audio freestyle. I frequently drink energy drinks and i know exactly how it inspires some unorthodox rhyming. We defly gon have to collab.
Flow was above average and vocabulary was decent. Seemed like random rhyming but nevertheless entertaining. Stay up Fam 1 |
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#6 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
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This was nice, I enjoyed the flow from the beginning
still not a fan of paragraphs..buuuut this was well done the rhyming was continious, a few hiccups but nothing major twas quite an amazing piece my dear friend passing blame and confusion, faking allusions.. but ill still laugh n admit it, that im the palpable cynic. i get a bit of amusement , everytime i walk in and see'm spewin "truth" to their students that was nice...keep writing man |
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#7 |
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 29
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I like it, the paragraph was well done even though usually people tend to fuck it up
Seems like a short burst of thought, so for that it was good If you took more time to refine it it'd prolly come out better but for what it was its a good piece
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im doin something these wack battle cats ain't really used to, see this is rappin |
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#8 | |
Om
Join Date: Jan 2013
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This is pretty much top notch as far as flexes go. Rhyme scheme was nice n clean aaaall throughout.
Quote:
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BIRDHORSE 8-15 |
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