You Assembled Part of Me

e11even · 04-03-2014, 03:53 AM

You keep my heart in knots consistently because you're not consistent.
My thoughts resist it, but I bought the vista painted with your artful vision.
I cringe unconciously, knowing I should trust your calmness with faith in your wisdom.
Your love in care may not be loving care, but I hope I don't notice the difference.
You looked in to my eyes and told me to believe in you, and I do now.
And as the damaged goods get moved out, I await this youth you've renewed. Pounds
of weight lifted; mountains great, shifted. Mounted pain's slimmed thin
and I understand your love for me. The grand way in which you've gifted
me with a longer life. One to show passionwith, rise above the saddest stints,
and see through the dark times and their placid tints.
And I'm brought to in your arms and the blackest cyst
On my heart was removed. Thank god for my love doctor.

-Jasmine Hycks

Exis · 04-03-2014, 06:16 AM

Whoa...nice shit, from the get go this reeled me in.

You keep my heart in knots consistently because you're not consistent.
My thoughts resist it, but I bought the vista painted with your artful vision.
I cringe unconciously, knowing I should trust your calmness with faith in your wisdom.
Your love in care may not be loving care, but I hope I don't notice the difference.

^^Dope.

Emotion be raw...I loved the flow though, strange to say in a text piece but you know what I mean.Was easy as all shit to read, very crisp and clean...great verse man.

I have a joint I sent to Just Write a couple months back, if he doesn't add on you should...or if he does you should add on to that if there's an openin' to do so...I'll keep you posted.

Stay upwards bro.

e11even · 04-03-2014, 05:27 PM

WERD. I'm down for that. Thanks for the feed. I'll post in your pieces too.

big baby · 04-06-2014, 02:50 PM

Quote:

I cringe unconciously, knowing I should trust your calmness with faith in your wisdom.
Your love in care may not be loving care, but I hope I don't notice the difference.
You looked in to my eyes and told me to believe in you, and I do now.
And as the damaged goods get moved out, I await this youth you've renewed. Pounds

unconsciously*

Best part of the writing. I like a lot of things you write. They're refreshing and humble.

e11even · 04-06-2014, 09:32 PM

Thank you for the feed BB. The spellcheck was also welcomed :)

Certain · 04-07-2014, 02:56 AM

I liked this a lot, mostly because of the content. Some of the wordplay attempts seemed forced. And there was a bit of a lack of cohesion from sentence to sentence (regardless of line breaks). But there was a real earnestness displayed in writing this, and there were a few nice images.

Quote:

You looked in to my eyes and told me to believe in you, and I do now.
And as the damaged goods get moved out, I await this youth you've renewed.

04-03-2014, 03:53 AM	#1
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	You Assembled Part of Me You keep my heart in knots consistently because you're not consistent. My thoughts resist it, but I bought the vista painted with your artful vision. I cringe unconciously, knowing I should trust your calmness with faith in your wisdom. Your love in care may not be loving care, but I hope I don't notice the difference. You looked in to my eyes and told me to believe in you, and I do now. And as the damaged goods get moved out, I await this youth you've renewed. Pounds of weight lifted; mountains great, shifted. Mounted pain's slimmed thin and I understand your love for me. The grand way in which you've gifted me with a longer life. One to show passionwith, rise above the saddest stints, and see through the dark times and their placid tints. And I'm brought to in your arms and the blackest cyst On my heart was removed. Thank god for my love doctor. -Jasmine Hycks __________________ Ahem.

04-03-2014, 05:27 PM	#3
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	WERD. I'm down for that. Thanks for the feed. I'll post in your pieces too. __________________ Ahem.

04-06-2014, 09:32 PM	#5
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247256	Thank you for the feed BB. The spellcheck was also welcomed :) __________________ Ahem.

04-03-2014, 06:16 AM	#2
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Whoa...nice shit, from the get go this reeled me in. You keep my heart in knots consistently because you're not consistent. My thoughts resist it, but I bought the vista painted with your artful vision. I cringe unconciously, knowing I should trust your calmness with faith in your wisdom. Your love in care may not be loving care, but I hope I don't notice the difference. ^^Dope. Emotion be raw...I loved the flow though, strange to say in a text piece but you know what I mean.Was easy as all shit to read, very crisp and clean...great verse man. I have a joint I sent to Just Write a couple months back, if he doesn't add on you should...or if he does you should add on to that if there's an openin' to do so...I'll keep you posted. Stay upwards bro.