.:: DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE... ::.

[Objective]

... she said in a serious voice,
possessing motherly love that embarrass her boys.
It’s apparent she knows what her offspring enjoys,
did I mention our chimney spoke the fate to all of my toys?
The glorious noise of burning wood is iconic, or blazing a spliff…
Hypnotic!
I hear sounds when my optics gaze upon a firefighters most horrific gif.

”YOU’RE PSYCHOTIC!”
she said in a semi-serious tone,
while expressing visible love that embarrass her clone.
It’s obvious she knows what startles my bone,
did I say our flame was lit when I carved her name into stone?
The love for her when I heard she study pyrotechnics for shows…
EPIC!
My ethics shine bright when confronted by pros.

”YOU’RE PATHETIC!”
I conveyed in a light-hearted fashion,
portraying fiery love that embarrass distractions.
Of corse I endorse the course of my actions,
did I tell you her resent gives me satisfaction?
The emotions that ran through me when I set her condo ablaze…
WAS MAGIC!
I’m as ecstatic as much as her melting skin was set to amaze.

In a brief moment It’s clear to me that I’m crazy. Then the housing collapses,
but the true intent for this deed was for us both to arise as Gods from the ashes.

(Will return feed/feed some shit later on.)

[Wise Wiggles]

I don't like these. Find your voice bro.

[CopyPat]

i didn't mind this. although i also didn't get it. at first it was your mother, than it was your lover? or is she both all along?

u attempted something pretty different so that was cool, the rhyming was solid.

[Objective]

@Le Wise Ways: It's ok that you didn't like it, but I don't get where ''these'' come into play? It's the first poem I've posted? Also; my voice is writing whatever comes to me. This is my voice. I might not do it very well, but I don't really plan on changing up the way I write. Thanks for taking the time to read and leaving some words anyways, appreciated. :)

@CopyPat: It's different points in time. The first stanza is his childhood/teenage years, the second stanza is when he find his love but taken from her perspective with some input from the main character. The last stanza is himself and who he really is. I basicly wanted to play around the definition of a true pyromaniac and how it gradually takes over his rational thought more and more, but as a poem with some experimental schemes

Since I followed this way of structuring it I tried to leave the hints of where he was at as understandable as possible; The first stanza - toys, smoking a spliff, being a rebel, his mother is around, his mother see there's issues there but does her best nevertheless and they have a chimney. Second stanza - his first real love and she owes a condo, not really childlike to hang out with someone like that so I hoped the reader would understand that it's a different point of time in his life. Guess I didn't do a good enough job. Third stanza - his pyromaniac tendencies reaches its peak as he turns completely nuts, and I tried to convey how the only love he ever really had was fire, despite what everyone around him told him this was the only thing that made sense in his life.

[Vulgar]

I'd like for you to write more short stories to help sharpen your cohesive sword. This was a bit hard to follow. I think you have tales to tell that transcend this medium and it comes out awkwardly, restricting your growth in the process.

[Objective]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

I'd like for you to write more short stories to help sharpen your cohesive sword. This was a bit hard to follow. I think you have tales to tell that transcend this medium and it comes out awkwardly, restricting your growth in the process.

Word. That makes sense. I've been wanting to get into that lately as well, just need to give myself time to do so. Thanks for the feed. Also; I could need to go through the basics step 2 on short stories (beside of the common ones like ''keep your characters to 1-4 people in shorts etc.), you got any sources I could take a look at for that? Don't know if I'll need it, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to go through it again. Been some time since I last wrote a short story.

Will return feed to everyone that's said something some time soon.