DEAD MAN -- Mandala

[dead man]

IIIIII


I've been waiting here. anxiously. pacing the floors
boards creak beneath the weight of remorse
i was dying as a baby was born, stillborn. maybe it's fate
save or abort, shaken awake for an oasis to snort
make me yours. angel and whore. sometimes pain is escape
we waited til november just to skate in the lake
save your face, turn your cheek, let the hatred absorb
mayflowers, vase of porcelain, a slave to amor
degeneration, reform. i'm bare. naive as a boy
mandala your eternity. create to destroy
for every void there's a tape cassette to mirror the space
lick the rearview to taste it. our appearance is fake
scrape your plate. don't even hesitate. don't save me a crumb
i'll drown one day in cola and Canadian Club
cause it never leaves. i've never gotten wasted enough
no blanket or buzz could replicate the safety of love
i guess lying all the time gave me a lesson in trust
eat your heart out to watch as your appendages rust
feels like i've slept on every train. every bench, every bus
still you left me in the dust. my last possession was us
brilliant women thought i loved them. i intended to fuck
and crawl right back to you with indiscretion and drugs
it's sick. i'm a bug. you're insecticide, plunge
into your fantasies of theater and grunge. just let me go
an embryo of tissue and a pulsing pursuit
i've been waiting here for years for it to fully recoup
acid in the bandana, kush in the boot
paper piles to file away and bullets to shoot
woman in blue, you've stolen me and auctioned me off
and all i've got to show for it is toxic resolve
esophageal coughs. carcinogens, tar
brown eyes like fireflies behind a twinkling star
it's just who we are. watching paint dry is really an art
patience is a virtue for the cowards at heart
wandering through someone else's house in the dark
its getter harder and harder to tell the hours apart
wash it off. we're only castles made of sand, let it rise
they say each granule has a universe inside -
so how many of us die with every lap of the tides
so when it's time, hold your breath and wave goodbye..


______

[Wise Wiggles]

Another awesome meteor of silky havoc of all that is life and disgust and rot and beauty burrowing it's way into my frontal lobe? Felt you really started to drop the heavy shit on us @ the scrape your plate section... seriously man, some raw, relatable emotion.. Up until...

it's sick. i'm a bug. you're insecticide, plunge
exploding feels like a broken seal on our pressurized hugs

Idk thought that went good with it lmao.. the let me go embryo flowed smooth pulsing pursuit and fully recoup was a another winner in the rhyming category.

acid in the bandana, kush in the boot
^ muthafucking Hendrix ? Kush in the boot reminds me of going to concerts lol
paper piles to file away and bullets to shoot
^sick visual (I <3 office massacres)
woman in blue, you've stolen me and auctioned me off
and all i've got to show for it is toxic resolve
^ disgusting. very relatable.
esophageal coughs. carcinogens, tar
^ sssssslllllllaaaaannnnnntttttssssss in my pants
brown eyes like fireflies behind a twinkling star
^i can see them shimmer from your words
it's just who we are. watching paint dry is really an art
^that flow doe? fuckin dope, I wanna sex this line up. Need a condom
patience is a virtue for the cowards at heart
^ don't judge. lol nah I'm impatient as hell
wandering through someone else's house in the dark
its getter harder and harder to tell the hours apart
^diggin it
wash it off. we're only castles made of sand, let it rise
they say each granule has a universe inside -
so how many of us die with every lap of the tides
so when it's time, hold your breath and wave goodbye..
^^ dope ender.. got something I've been saving sort of like granule meta, same concept, different content lol. The end infact took me by major surprise, the way you always have a tendency to do to the reader. You leave them like godddddamnnnnn. Mind is fucking blown. My brain is blazing a fattie while getting jawed type shit. Everytime. Kudos. Collab is eminent. Pce.

[veritas]

Wow.

[Frank]

Worth quoting

no blanket or buzz could replicate the safety of love

[dead man]

frank does that seem familiar to you?

[King Ra.]

The fact Wise dropped a full breakdown, which I rarely see him do, shows how ridiculous this was. I'm gonna come back later when I get on a comp to give this justice.

[Just Write]

This was beyond dope, I dont know how you consistently put out fire but it's craxy and I appreciate you for it. I know everytime I open up one of your pieces i'll be entertained. No doubt, this didn't disappoint either. I was going to quote a few lines but I would have quoted half your piece lol. I see you.

[Frank]

Originally Posted by dead man

frank does that seem familiar to you?

Yes and no

[Wise Wiggles]

Btw, the schemes in the first section were bonkers, even though I didn't mention them, they did not go unnoticed..

[zygote]

"eat your heart out to watch as your appendages rust
feels like i've slept on every train. every bench, every bus" - humorous kind of homeless chic. Also it was nice to use the word carcinogen, it's quite an interesting sort of word. The ending was a good blend of philosophical and personal stuff. The title was a new word, after looking it up Mandala means 'circle' and it is a religious symbol for the universe. Pretty fitting title considering the 'waving' ending, where waving can be common for hello or goodbye, beginnings or endings, big bang or heat death. There is often different layers of meaning to your writing, this time both the surface substance use and loss themes were nice but also the other 'Mandala' aspects as well.

[dead man]

thanks to zyg, RA and JusWrite. you are all excellent.

[LOGIC PROPS]

leaders and existence prepare for literature,my rhymen got specification,progress the move,in spite with undergo,prosper the arrogant,discern i give you your document,class with size,particular bear,falling from a power line,manage and specificate,have all bad that mc ate before they eat,traverse,enact primaries,constitute,i got all the stars waiting for me to trash they art,come one come all,get you some purple welches mix it in with sprite,smoke you a blunt,nonsense to me i rule the being among,true nbk natural born knowledge,self taught,against the thorough bread,what has i said,dont like what i have to see.if i gotta curse i'ma come manly,all the girls going to witness or hear,evil volume,ownership allot of laughing,purported,understand i dont like some and they know it,all i gotta act or protract and then pop position,dead loc to the street,means of a legal remembering cause of the influential,i ryme ill,maken an alter claim,force the produce,does and ability to do or perform,what do i gotta know,inscincere befitting because i aint beefing,some one got a.d.d.atention deficit disorder,does not habit with me just makes me wonder,do i gotta ponder,about something that seams improper.direction support life,maken class,maken forming move in spite with the transfer,fix the state or the certain move,earn and appoint traverse make and make but you want to take,better go get out,cant understand what i hear alot of bitchy perform glory,fix and purports the threat aint a threat,pisn disn isnt,while you wishing catch where i come from,got my own skill to the lane,fabricate earn appoint,and in particular i'm significant regard the praise and i know omni or ufo jesus and higher power,watch out you might devour,word is bond kizzy

[dead man]

Good job buddy!

[oats]

I read this when you first dropped it. Read it a few times since then. Just read it again now. Each time has yielded a different experience, which is a trait that not many writers have to be honest. Reminds me of an older verse of yours, can't quite remember it, something about climbing a tree I think. idk

I like how you've loosened up the grips on your rhymes. Sounds odd to say since your rhyming is still immaculate, but there's a noticeable ease from previous verses I feel, a willingness to switch it up or go for the simpler rhyme for the better bar.

In terms of this verse as a cohesive unit, it felt a little scattered at times, but it wasn't inappropriate given the title. the verse was very dreamlike, and the narrator's search for completion in this forlorn love of old was almost metaphysically represented; this was punctuated by loosely affiliated aimless musings.

what I love most about your writing, and why you are probably the person I look forward to reading the most, is there are so many layers to dive into, yet you still drop the occasional anchor of a concrete image to keep me grounded in reality. but lines like oasis to snort, mirror the space/appearance is fake, lessons in trust/appendages rust, auctioned me off/toxic resolve, all of those (and more) are evocative and engulfing concepts that you can explore on their own.


this was dope. I will probably read it at least a few more times, can't say that about most verses.

[Dove Dozer]

I love how you structure your lines. The flow is impeccable whereas 95% of the people here post long ass lines and sacrifice all any type of flow to try and be abstract n shit. This was nothing short of amazing. Well done dude. Loved the whole thing.

[Geno]

Holy shit. This was dope as fuck black. Insane schemes and content was amazing. Needed this.