"It's all pink on the inside, f×ck what color they face is!" Vividlyvague//Just Write

[e11even]

"Put it in my ass..." She said, as if it was normal dialogue.
"Say what?!" My eyes widen with a quiet wrong
Inside. All the while, my loins writhe along
In wait of this sneaking adventure I am on.
"But why not just--"
"Because my bf might find out. You wanna slide this on?"
She was so objective. My mind was gone...
lost between these wire frames and her bright wire thong.

She was the best I'd had, I thought I'd tried them all,
But she held her position faithfully. Oh the irony. She even liked it raw.
Company in the other room as we act out our quiet song...
Me bewildered. Her intertwined, involved.

We broke up 6 months back. What started as the 'single' party's dying off,
So here I was, still checkin ta see if that American Pie was soft.
This good good has rendered the pious lost,
Divorcing couples became coupled souls with diablo's heart.
I was no longer amused, only hoping the pussy'd stone me like its my time for the cross.

Pardon me. I'm ranting.
"So, do you have a girl?" She pushes back, keeping my attention. ..
"No,"
She flashes a sinister glow at the mention.
"But I don't want one, so..."
Her next expression reflected resentment.
She slides back further, bringing me deeper. Fucking relentless.
"But you got a man though. That's why you won't let me--"
"You're too big and he'll sense it."
I blushed. I peeped game, but allowed my ego its sentiment.

My steelo was evident,
she said " i'll clean up, im great with concealing the evidence."
clearly was heaven sent, like a guardian angel...
She was far from a saint though, also the only devil I knew.
wore a satin dress with velvet straps; had matching pelvic tattoos.
I can still smell her perfume, the intoxication it gave
I'd close my eyes and inhale... then lock my hands around her waist.
Caught in a daze, she held the key that almost locked me away...
But i'll never fall for a dame,.. at least not all the way.

I'd rather be gaudy, I've learned to abolish my shame
And fuck girls that are naughty. I never call em by name
Its either gorgeous or baby, the extent of my extortion is crazy
Every pet name in the book but i'll never call a shorty my lady.
Im too in love with courting and dating, being up in the mix
I know a couple of tricks, important leading up to the kiss
Like how to make a bitch orgasm with the twist of the tongue
And any girl that I call well, she'll literally come.

[King Ra.]

Well damn, what a combo. What a collab. And great fucking story. This shit reeled me in from the start, so much so, by the end, I couldn't leave without dropping feed. You both did the damn thing. Two of the best with dialouge. It read smoothly and made sense. I liked the pace. The scheme was on point. The story intriguing, I mean the fact you guys took this idea and made something solid out of it is top-notch. Don't matter who wrote what, everything is solid, start to finish. Great job, gents.

[Frank]

Could separate the 2 writers, but pretty seamless collaboration here, fellahs. Dope plot, ya trizzed the fuck out of the concept. Straight up ran the train on that bitch!

[e11even]

Thanks guys. Glad to get feed from the vets :)

[Just Write]

Up, i've fed plenty of pieces. Where's the love?

And as usual i'll rtf

[dead man]

i wasn't quite sure how i felt about this.

it was a fun little read. a very nice contrast to some of the more heavy handed works that are normative of the OM section here at the moment. i get what you went for and i think, in part, you were very successful. i wasn't really amused as much as i was confused by the progression of events.

the fact that this broad is gonna make you brown-eye her to avoid her bf finding out is kinda funny and also reminds me of this catholic chick i used to mess with.

the writing itself was effective insofar as i knew exactly what was happening throughout. it was ineffective, however, in creating any sort of story or understandable progression of events stringed together. you set up this really amusing anecdote with an ex and a sticky situation, and kind of abandoned it in order to brag about the bitches you fuck and ended it there.

this felt really incomplete and a bit lazy as far as "topical" versemanship is concerned. there was a lot of potential here for a really great story and you did not execute. i think my disappointment over his aspect is the reason its taken me so long to drop a comment on this.

i truly suggest you guys give this one another chance. make something out of it. keep the beginning, scratch whatever conclusive ending you gave this one and craft a tale of ex-girlfriend butthole love in rhyme form akin to something out of van wilder movie. cause thats the vibe of this piece, hate it or love it.

thanks.


1

ps. the title makes no sense since you're putting it in her ass. and also wrote nothing having to do with ethnicity.

[e11even]

lol. i feel you. thanks for that. you have a great eye.