conflicted confessions

[Just Write]

I have a confession to make, im less then seconds away
From ending it all and staring death in the face
Been stressed for days, why does life have to be this hard?
Tired of these piled bills and no gas to fill my beater car
Cant you see the scars? I seem to bleed till i cant no more
eyes have dried out like crack whores stuck in a sand storm
I demand a normal life, where are the rewards for all my strife?
According to the scoreboard ive been down this road before in 99'
Im so Tired of living this way and how my body is inhibiting chains
In continuous pain and unable to see significant gains.
Im just waiting for that "something" to help me pick up the pace
Till then im stuck in this rut and believe me its a critical phase
Imagine the physical strain insinuated on a malnourished body;
i Stare in the mirror in awe like the ceiling in a venician lobby
You see writing is more than a hobby, it's a means for survival
I deam it More precious & vital than a babys recital or reading the bible...
Its a release for all these demons im hiding that think they're entitled
To creep up inside me and devour my soul without any reprisal..

I aint ready to die though.

[Natural]

I think it could benefit from a polish for flow purposes but i like it.
Pretty damn good actually. Intriguing

[Zen]

Whats up JW I ain't seen you on in awhile. This is a pretty dope drop man. The significant gains section was the part that I felt flowed the best. Just rolled off the tongue quite nicely. I can dig it. The concept of this was heartfelt and fuckin emotional man. All in all I gotta say this is a dope piece. Get on more often holmes.

[Just Write]

uppin

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

this was not dope.

Tired of these piled bills and no gas to fill my beater car
Cant you see the scars? I seem to bleed till i cant no more
eyes have dried out like crack whores stuck in a sand storm
I demand a normal life, where are the rewards for all my strife?

i mean what the fuck can i call that but whack? serious? - on some real shit though, that is the lowest part of this verse. i mean it aint all bad, but i aint gonna be tell you this was nice just so you dont get offended - there's just nothing to this verse, no substance, nothing that really struck a cord, i mean despite the title being what it is n shit nothing seemed heartfelt or authentic for a second, you seemed more concerned about making it rhyme than anything else...but so many muhfukaz do that i must be wrong lol

wdeva take it how you want it, minus that crack whore line, nothing was really that bad, but in a similar note i couldnt tell you a thing a liked about this verse.

#1

[Just Write]

Originally Posted by Rugged

this was not dope.

i mean what the fuck can i call that but whack? serious? - on some real shit though, that is the lowest part of this verse. i mean it aint all bad, but i aint gonna be tell you this was nice just so you dont get offended - there's just nothing to this verse, no substance, nothing that really struck a cord, i mean despite the title being what it is n shit nothing seemed heartfelt or authentic for a second, you seemed more concerned about making it rhyme than anything else...but so many muhfukaz do that i must be wrong lol

wdeva take it how you want it, minus that crack whore line, nothing was really that bad, but in a similar note i couldnt tell you a thing a liked about this verse.

#1

please oh please great one, post something so i can see how a master works. oh wait, who the fuck are you? all ive seen you post is wack as hate feed lmao. thanks for the free bump though

[Vulgar]

This was an alright vent piece. You seemed to commit to a manageable rhyme scheme and didn't do anything ambitious with it. Would've liked to see more aggression and a clearer description of personal circumstances: really brings the reader into your world.

Im so Tired of living this way and how my body is inhibiting chains
In continuous pain and unable to see significant gains.
^This was solid.

Keep doing you

[Just Write]

appreciate that @Vulgar. anything you want me to hit up?

[KennyCerealBowl]

Emooo

[Geno]

@Just Write
Rugged is da gawd tbh

I thought this shit was dope for a couple reasons..
Your build ups are very suspense filled. What I mean is this, you drop your settup line, and you punchline is completely on point with it in most cases. What I like is how your settups leave your punches wide open for almost anydirection to be gone . Your style reminds me a lot of my own back before I broke loose with mine and polished it down to where it is now. I think your one of the best new faces we have in OM and you got a lot of room to grow and become ill as fuck. Definitely have a style that I like and its gonna be sick once you find that next level and take it there


I have a confession to make, im less then seconds away
From ending it all and staring death in the face

Such a dope intro man. Thought it set the tone up perfectly for what was to come.


Im so Tired of living this way and how my body is inhibiting chains
In continuous pain and unable to see significant gains.
Im just waiting for that "something" to help me pick up the pace
Till then im stuck in this rut and believe me its a critical phase

Thought these lines were pretty ill. Shit I can definitely relate to. Didn't like the bar or two before this though, felt like it was forced or not as attatched to you emotionally as this segment was.

For the most part I dug this drop. I'm a fan man, hopefully you turn it up more soon cause I got big faith in you and I think your gonna be vicious in no time man. Keep posting and responding to others G. As always your a pleasure to have around. P's

[Eŋg]

It didn't really feel genuine to me. A lot of times you were just saying some shit that rhymes without expressing it in a very powerful of effective manner. You seemed almost dispassionate because of that, I come away from this verse with little enjoyment, but agree with Rugged that I didn't hate it all, even if not hating it is not very high praise.

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

Originally Posted by Just Write

please oh please great one, post something so i can see how a master works. oh wait, who the fuck are you? all ive seen you post is wack as hate feed lmao. thanks for the free bump though

typical response

wdeva though, putchya ego aside you might learn something, believe i aint at no loss either way

untill then, consider it "hate feed"...like you really got something for me to hate on...riiiiiiight

[Just Write]

Originally Posted by Rugged

typical response

wdeva though, putchya ego aside you might learn something, believe i aint at no loss either way

untill then, consider it "hate feed"...like you really got something for me to hate on...riiiiiiight

lol stay out my posts kid, I like the online tough guy act though. if your ever In L.A. hit me up, we can have a nice little face to face convo.

[Coup]

I think the problem with this is this...

You offer no rhyme or reason, nor motivation to express why you are feeling like you are...without that we have no reason to care...we are not your personal army of doctors. You should never write for the public as therapy for you. Rule 1.

Though, all characters no matter in movies, flexes or topics need to win the sympathy of the audience so we can get behind you...you started to, but did not move out of self indulgence.

so the sob story had no justification...

It would have been fine if you followed up with a verse that got in it....recall Em's Lose Yourself lyrics...he did the same thing, but in verse three...cat blew up and used his whining set ups to get the attention of us.

No more games, I'mma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfuckin' roof off like two dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginning, the mood all changed
I've been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage

know what I mean ? Don't get me wrong, he set his up way beter than you, that is not a knock against you, he is a pro.

There are many ways to make this piece work....just understand it needs work.

Moreover, your confession made in your opening lines really did not confess an action to drive your mood...What did you do cat ?


Its a release for all these demons im hiding that think they're entitled
To creep up inside me and devour my soul without any reprisal..


After these last lines you could have really went in "the mood all change"

otherwise this felt cheap...don't get me wrong, we are all guiltiy of doing this, especially myself...i aint trying to act hard.

I could go on...if your a vindictive type go to my last OM peice and help a brother out...

[Just Write]

Originally Posted by Coup

I think the problem with this is this...

You offer no rhyme or reason, nor motivation to express why you are feeling like you are...without that we have no reason to care...we are not your personal army of doctors. You should never write for the public as therapy for you. Rule 1.

Though, all characters no matter in movies, flexes or topics need to win the sympathy of the audience so we can get behind you...you started to, but did not move out of self indulgence.

so the sob story had no justification...

It would have been fine if you followed up with a verse that got in it....recall Em's Lose Yourself lyrics...he did the same thing, but in verse three...cat blew up and used his whining set ups to get the attention of us.

No more games, I'mma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfuckin' roof off like two dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginning, the mood all changed
I've been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage

know what I mean ? Don't get me wrong, he set his up way beter than you, that is not a knock against you, he is a pro.

There are many ways to make this piece work....just understand it needs work.

Moreover, your confession made in your opening lines really did not confess an action to drive your mood...What did you do cat ?


Its a release for all these demons im hiding that think they're entitled
To creep up inside me and devour my soul without any reprisal..


After these last lines you could have really went in "the mood all change"

otherwise this felt cheap...don't get me wrong, we are all guiltiy of doing this, especially myself...i aint trying to act hard.

I could go on...if your a vindictive type go to my last OM peice and help a brother out...

appreciate the feed and I do not mind constructive criticism, as a matter of fact what you said helps.. i just don't like people who just say it sucks with no explanation. to be honest i said exactly what i wanted to say and i dont write for other people i write for myself but i do get you. and yea i'll hit up your piece.