Donut Holes

[UnoQuattroThres]

Call me a love junkie who found a way to the ultimate
Ma dukes said them dreamy eyes in jungle love's the culprit
Funky thought I was born in shit
No note hits meant the stakes were high for this raw addict
Dining on donuts, 48hrs at time, that champion sound
From my soul, aquarians flows held me down...
Even found a second home in the West, the other side of the road
MPC gods flogged the mainstream until the damns explode
Graceful keys, Brazilian Rhymes, everlasting gobstoppers
Had my pimp strut locked tight, climaxing with jalapeno poppers
I felt the groove, even if the blood flow was faulty internally
It was hurting me to see this player failing, dropping disturbing
Even with baggage handlers, your load was too much to bear
But your dillagence left us with lightworks shining in the air
Now you not here, physical left with the sound of thunder
As serious your life was, these donuts holes come from your wonder
We beat a deuce to the chest, loving the look of the recipe
Classic batches sitting on chrome, inspiring the best in me.....

R.I.P J Dilla...

[Objective]

Ok drop, great choice of words here and there but the rhymes were for the most part either extremely simple or not there at all, kinda ruins the flow when it's not even there (Example: 11th & 12th line, internally and disturbing don't rhyme bro). The opener could have been pretty dope if it rhymed and the opener is important as fuck, it's what makes people want to read on. You also want to make your closure just as strong as you want to leave your readers with a good impression as well. Your closure wasn't extremely dope, but it wasn't wack either, it was decent. All in all an average drop with lots of potential and room for improvement.

Fav lines;
Graceful keys, Brazilian Rhymes, everlasting gobstoppers
Had my pimp strut locked tight, climaxing with jalapeno poppers.

J Dilla da God tho'. ^^ Keep droppin'.