Objective Dreams #1

[Objective]

Objective Dreams #1

Located in an empty room designed for dancing lessons,
I find myself surrounded by art to spark vast impressions.
Enhanced melancholy describes the tension. On wooden floors
I stand; as I glanced for an exit I realized the room didn't have doors.
But I took notice of one of the painted pictures,
a dancer so graceful she reminds you 'bout ancient scriptures.
She possessed a beautiful nature, like damn; ''She is fine!''
As I stared at her she started moving and dancing devine.
I reached for her hand and she smiled, then she climbed out of the frame.
Slightly embarrassed I realized that lust is partly to blame.
A natural blonde with minimum make-up, I felt blessed to be there,
Her red dress reached her knees and was slightly disguised by the length of her hair.
Then music filled the room and there was nothing but dancing and grace,
as I finally woke up I had a smile on my face.

(This is the first verse in a series of dreams I've had that's made an impact in one way or the other.)

[Vulgar]

I had a dream about a pornstar recently...but it wasn't as harmonious or scenic as this one. Your writing has generally improved as you are making strides at patiently weaving a storyline. Nothing too choppy except for repeating words sometimes like 'dancing' - other synonyms might help to get some variety going.

Keep doing you

[Objective]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

I had a dream about a pornstar recently...but it wasn't as harmonious or scenic as this one. Your writing has generally improved as you are making strides at patiently weaving a storyline. Nothing too choppy except for repeating words sometimes like 'dancing' - other synonyms might help to get some variety going.

Keep doing you

Definately. Thanks a lot for the honest feed. That's basicly what these Objective Dreams pieces is going to be about. They'll be focused on dreams I've had, yet I'm going to try to make them interesting and get better at describing emotions, hold a specific storyline and be able to visualize ''weird'' and ''different'' atmospheres/sceneries to others.

I try to stay away from repeating words so that's a newbie mistake by me. Good looks on the feed Vulgar.

[Coup]

out of all the pieces I've dropped feed on in the past few days, none come close as being story driven and laden with an identifiable atmosphere...almost a brooding one.

This reminds me of one of the Vet Shadow's pieces, laden with feminine antagonism.

While rhymes were not jaw dropping here or over the top, the written voice and commentary connects with the reader more, which in itself is a nice skill.

easy to read, thanks for sharing.