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06-21-2013, 12:40 AM
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HE / HIM / FRAC
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Type 2 He whose name shall not be spokenbetes (S9 - Malachi - Camp)
Sharp
i'll weigh weed, no leeway. These J's need replays got Longview When I Come Around, just havin another Green Day (white people yay) a fool sure, but my thoughts n tastes are cooler fuck showin up, i faked an phoned this in like ferris bueller short-lived rulers, my word sees those dethroned as i spew blues and the abstract truth with mario cheat codes a trojan horse, no virus scan just desirous plans of wreckin forts dont rile us man, we each geeks with gats in hand, tech support messy stands? its the paragon when our terror's on GUTS seen everywhere like ol nickelodeon marathons Malachi Focused since the flow kissed the microphone Rhymes so rich its ironic how i couldnt leave the mic aloan Concepts make niggas run like bomb threats in the projects Holla'd at ya girl then she saw sir like unidentified objects Leavin a bitch black and blue like a compton crip Cheesin n shit mack and crew had to stomp limbs quick My team deliver rhymes schemes that shock ya ass like nineteen strikes oof lightning Sly fiends caught biting POP POP they contacts get wet, no visine A nigga like me so unorthodox More hits than a box of assorted sox I aint never beat'n like acapella Willin to roc a fell for mozarella Fucked her egg steller and caught salmonella A thriller the way you get the mic jacked son Ill watch yall hoes starve while i stack funds Camp Bell this rant coming to you live from the mutu ranch.... ignorant scheme, doodled this with 3 buddhist hands confucius and medusa's seed, sipping tea an sudafed about to kill a chicken to eat while singing zulu chants seriously, christopher reeves never felt this super man goons of text? yall niggas christened with juice instead i pulled this thread while waiting to get my medulla read a schooling kid with no schooling, kids. who cool as this? tripped into the looney bin, only to rule with a fluent fist forever doing congruent shifts til im better than uber sick berettas and bazookas spit when veterans shoot the shit letterman an dudes from friends mettling in exclusive skits on my header is clues and shit, in some lettering judas did trendsetter, that'll pitch a thick leather to you losers quick lyrical bench presser, hysterical gym sessions, i do this BIG who knows when the conclusion to this fusion is, we 2 to 10 thats working for our foolish friends, jerks in the stupid clicks
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06-21-2013, 09:28 AM
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Upset Champion
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Nice collab
Sharp 9 Consistent throughout, not the most complex rhyme scheme out there but the flow was solid and it was littered with some nice fresh concepts which I am seeing less of in open mics these days. This was a solid drop and probably my favourite of the three. Malachi Love your raw awe style, in terms of flow I think the first half of your drop was the most impressive but don't think you gave yourself enough room for internals, but the syllable count and line to line rhymins made up for all of that. Felt you dropped off in the second half, wasn't feeling it to be honest but the first half was all fire. Camp Yours was an interesting one, your end rhymes were all b rhymes for the most part, wernt obvious yet the way you worded the entire piece made it subtle and not obvious so it worked well. For that I give you props that's a difficult feat when its not audio. Enjoyed your internals but when it came down to the content it seemed sporadic undirected and a little of focus where the other two kept it slightly more on point if that makes sense. Got a slight Eminem feel from your verse. Overall guys one of the better collabs I read in long time, not once was I bored or was it a chore to read and while I made some negative points I just wanted to give you guys some constructive critism as a better way of highlighting your differences in strengths as writers. Keep it up
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06-21-2013, 11:15 AM
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
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Eyoo
Dope collab. I was actually pretty impressed by malachi for once. You've stepped your game up son. Good showing here.
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06-21-2013, 04:56 PM
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
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sharp
fuck showin up, i faked an phoned this in like ferris bueller short-lived rulers, my word sees those dethroned as i spew blues and the abstract truth with mario cheat codes a trojan horse, no virus scan just desirous plans of wreckin forts dont rile us man, we each geeks with gats in hand, tech support malachi: Focused since the flow kissed the microphone Rhymes so rich its ironic how i couldnt leave the mic aloan Concepts make niggas run like bomb threats in the projects Holla'd at ya girl then she saw sir like unidentified objects shit was dope fellas, sharp jumped it off nice wit a dope flow malachi, the beginning of your verse was fire, thought it fell at the end but it still hit. i think my verse also was nicer at the beginning then i kinda slipped into some random shit. UP.
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get high. write rhymes. |
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06-21-2013, 08:09 PM
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Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Sharp - you kept it pretty mild and easy going. Wish it was longer, tbc.
messy stands? its the paragon when our terror's on GUTS seen everywhere like ol nickelodeon marathons ^Cool. Malachi - Pretty nice man. Good verse. A nigga like me so unorthodox More hits than a box of assorted sox ^ha Camp Bell - Not sure if I've ever read anything from you before (alias?) I like your style though. forever doing congruent shifts til im better than uber sick berettas and bazookas spit when veterans shoot the shit letterman an dudes from friends mettling in exclusive skits on my header is clues and shit, in some lettering judas did ^was tight. Good stuff folks. Keep doing you |
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06-21-2013, 08:22 PM
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Lmfaooooo @ the he whose name shall not be spoken-betes
-so gone
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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06-21-2013, 10:31 PM
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Senior Member
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thanks for reading V. but nope....no alias here fam...
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get high. write rhymes. |
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06-22-2013, 08:09 AM
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The Landlord
Join Date: Jan 2013
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a fool sure, but my thoughts n tastes are cooler
fuck showin up, i faked an phoned this in like ferris bueller thats a really dope bar Concepts make niggas run like bomb threats in the projects Holla'd at ya girl then she saw sir like unidentified objects reallynice wow camp bell your flow is bonkers man, ur flow killed this i dont like the way u ended it cuz it didnt seem like an ending to me but ur flow murdered tis collab dope job fellas |
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06-22-2013, 11:24 PM
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#9 |
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rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
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Sharp... Your sense of rhyme can be fucked with. This verse didn't do much for me, but at the same time I didn't hate it. Light-hearted and lazy, felt contrived. But certainly a smile-inspiring quip, or two. But not that Mario line. Nerd.
Malachi... This was ok. It was a bit better than that in fairness, while you reached a little bit with some lines, it felt the most organic of the three verses with some real energy. I can respect that. I ain't mad. Camp Bell... fairly enjoyable. Slightly unusual scheme with the structure (talking letters). You were limited in your own slavery to the need to rhyme, so much. It was still pretty good overall. Solid tripartite. |
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06-23-2013, 01:41 AM
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Negus
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Lol thanks
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Seen the spectrum through the prisms
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06-24-2013, 04:40 PM
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Saul Paul
Join Date: Jan 2013
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he speaks....
it's like ya'll had a competition on who could make the shortest bars lol
the kid Malachi is nice, hadn't peeped anything from him before. The rest of you were on point as well
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KNOW YOUR MAKER BEFORE YOU'RE MADE TO I know the ledge, his sister's a jumpoff |
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06-25-2013, 09:26 PM
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#13 | |
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HE / HIM / FRAC
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: PA
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i'll be returning the favor for anyone who has fed this with some decent feed soon, for now just wanted to say
malachi, you definitely improved a lot since the last time i collabed with you. everything was cohesive and could be a rap verse pretty easily, but at the same time you had some good concepts too like saw sir and the sox stuff. god damn camp your verse flowed smooth as fuck... i can't really think of anything to say outside of that lmao. looney bin to judas did was slickkkkk. and i these two lines were probably my favorite of the collab for some reason about to kill a chicken to eat while singing zulu chants seriously, christopher reeves never felt this super man feel like you guys deserved more effort than what i put into mine. great workin with you two.
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07-02-2013, 08:05 AM
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been that, done there.
Join Date: Jun 2001
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this was a cool read - it's like both campbell and malachi made their case for most improved playa award, and for different reasons.
SHARP: already familiar with his wit, been on the rise a minute and continually getting better on the execution front - primarily in terms of taking already creative concepts and paying more attention to the wording/delivery. good shit brotha. Continue focusing on that man - you have no shortage of concepts, and that is the harder thing for most to come by, so continue doing your thing there, and ask yourself if you've truly supported a concept in a way that the creativity isn't undermined due to the simplicity of its delivery. An example would be the ferris beuller line, or better yet, the GUTS line. The "wordplay" is too simple to stand by itself, but the concept is definitely a throwback and the play could be used in a real dope way if you consider how to introduce a pinch more complexity to it AND consider how to word it in a way that you do all you can to "surprise" your audience with the concept..... Hope that makes sense brother - i just really put a lot of stock in creativity, so that's why i am super focused on giving dudes that have that knack advice on ensuring how to make it come to life --- and you're getting slicker and slicker with it pawtna - again, good shit! short-lived rulers, my word sees those dethroned as i spew blues and the abstract truth with mario cheat codes --- "abstract truth" + "mario cheat codes" = win a trojan horse, no virus scan just desirous plans of wreckin forts dont rile us man, we each geeks with gats in hand, tech support --- this is an example of how you've grown in taking a solid/creative concept and building it out by introducing a bit more complexity - digging it man. -------------------------- MALACHI - one of the most natural, yet clear, skill progressions i've seen in a minute. Flow wise and, notably, concept wise, you've improved quite a bit AND it doesn't come off contrived. Your steeze is not a 100% reflection of 'trends', you have your own voice in it -- but still incorporate some modern focus points, such as the emphasis on scheme. I like that you appear to be "taking risks" conceptually -- and it will be hit and miss -- but that is where truly dope and memorable lines are born from. E.g. i think "aloan" was a miss and hope this will be the last verse i read a mic jacked son line in --- yet, you had some real fresh concepts and your delivery seemed to change half way through your drop -- and did so in a cool way, like flexing another style (a bit more pointed/direct toward the end where the beginning was more elaborate and had more of a setup/punch feel). I really dug it, like where your going - solid concepts here pawtna! Concepts make niggas run like bomb threats in the projects Holla'd at ya girl then she saw sir like unidentified objects My team deliver rhymes schemes that shock ya ass like nineteen strikes oof lightning Sly fiends caught biting POP POP they contacts get wet, no visine I aint never beat'n like acapella Willin to roc a fell for mozarella Fucked her egg steller and caught salmonella ------------------------------ CAMPBELL - your flow is getting much stronger from what i've seen - hell, it even got stronger as the verse went on. In a flex, this feedback can be taken in stride, but be weary of "sacrificing content for flow" --- there were a couple times where you were so close to saying something real impactful, and it just missed by trailing off into more (again great) flow.... perhaps its subjective, but I will always consider flow the "cherry on the shit-on-you sundae" --- but without the icecream it's just a bowl of cherries, so i can appreciate a bowl of cherries for what it is, but create a sweet foundation to build upon and you'll be really catering to my taste. Also noteworthy regarding your progress isn't just attention to the scheme, but the complexity of your delivery.... Vocabulary and flow is definitely making your shit more compelling - try to utilize those strengths to enhance a real "focus"/theme/point your trying to make, rather than trying to make a point to use those strengths -- feel me homeslice? forever doing congruent shifts til im better than uber sick berettas and bazookas spit when veterans shoot the shit letterman an dudes from friends mettling in exclusive skits on my header is clues and shit, in some lettering judas did Again, good reads and elevation across the board fellas.
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well fed. |
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07-02-2013, 08:46 AM
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good shit all around, this was an above average drop and was fun to read. Keep keyin
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07-02-2013, 09:28 AM
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HALL OF FAME
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malachi's wordplay was dope!
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07-03-2013, 01:20 AM
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#17 |
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Negus
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:)
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Seen the spectrum through the prisms
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07-03-2013, 09:27 AM
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Senior Member
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The tech support line was very humorous, just the writing tone throughout SharpNine verse was funny. Malachi had the alien line which was nice and good reference and the A Loan/alone homophone which was interesting. Camp Bell's rhyming was advanced and the slant rhymes throughout were great and creative.
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07-03-2013, 10:37 AM
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...DA GAWD...
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Overal it displayed a strong point of diverse point of views honestly... Sharp came consistent with the delivery being very strong through out and Malachi nice up on your writing... My second read from you overall and I gotta say way better and camp as well last verse I read to this is a huge up. I can't break down the good and bad shit cause its already been praised and I'd be just milking the vine really but this as a whole was a nice little counterpart off each other nice creativity to each his own really fellas
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