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#1 | |
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Harlem, NY
Posts: 57
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(Intro)
Straight out the fuccin dungeons of rap Where fake niggas don’t make it back (Verse) Previously stated, I’m easily seen as the greatest Won’t be long til I’m leavin one for the ages Flows contagious my patience goes thru the stages The moment you question my greatness I’ll turn yo grapes into raisins Snappin on em, I spread my fingers and snap my wrist Best believe before you get clapped you gon clap to this My wickedness so ridiculous make you sick a this Lend so many hands man I’ll prolly average bout 10 assist Like Steve Nash or Chris Paul Funny how when you sit tall you ain’t think the world was this small But folks still wanna clown a G 40 round clips, you don’t wanna go another round wit me Around and back and then drown the fact you ain’t down wit me The town collapse to scraps perhaps you ain’t think the crown was for me? Remainin mentally strong for the long days My story started to sound a lot like LeBron James That was purely an accident My state of mind is a rapper’s sense They can subtract all my dollars, long as they can’t subtract my sense The wall is where my back’s against I think I need some time rinse All of the stress I been filled wit Bob the Builder couldn’t fix this defensive fense I been buildin But that’s a presence that isn’t pleasant Maybe God want me to see thru fluorescent to teach a lesson It’s heaven that I’m destined But if it’s okay wit God, I’d first like to be a living legend Please tell me whatchu yall think about it. The link to the instrumental is right here incase you're unsure of rhythm of how the song goes. |
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#2 |
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Harlem, NY
Posts: 57
Rep Power: 37 ![]() |
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Feel free to comment...good or bad?
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#3 |
Loves Meth
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Some where in the city of CHI
Posts: 243
Battle Record: 0-2
Accomplishments - Founding Father of Hip-Hop
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This had a real smooth flow, son. I'm sure some of the herbs around here wouldn't appreciate it as much.
But folks still wanna clown a G 40 round clips, you don’t wanna go another round wit me Around and back and then drown the fact you ain’t down wit me The town collapse to scraps perhaps you ain’t think the crown was for me? ^ -- This was straight G, my dood. I want to see something that's of your own creation though. I've seen a lot of people do the same thing (i.e. Danny Brown) so I normally want to hear something that's different from all the rest, son. But that doesn't take away anything that you do here. "Around and back and then drown the fact you ain’t down wit me" -- I don't like herbs either, mang....
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A(xiom), P(slam), Pursuer OV Knowledjh, Battle Hymnz, "shout out to the motherland with guns in hands" |
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#4 |
Mic Check
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hmm. i tried reading this to the instrumental but it just wasn't clicking. i would love to hear u actually spit this over the beat and post that. while i was reading i was getting an oldschool nas vibe to it for sure. you can tell u were diggin this track or the instrumental and it put in you in that NY state of mind haha. Overall yes i liked it but i can't really tell if its matching the beat or not. the bar lengths varied a little too much to get an idea of if you were supposed to spit it fast or slow. know what i mean?? if your gonna post TEXT Lyrics to match audio beats that shit has to be consistent or its impossible to get the rhythm properly as a reader. you had super long lines and super short lines mixed all together. anyways dude keep doing ur thing and take the plunge, record some shit!!
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#5 |
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Harlem, NY
Posts: 57
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Much appreciated! I'll keep all that mind, you'll be hearin more from me on your posts as well.
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#6 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, TX
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CopyPat said it "Nas" vibe for sure. I liked from start finish, good wordplay and rhyming and definitely a solid piece. Would like to hear it with a beat though cause there are some points where I lost the flow while I was reading it
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#7 |
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Harlem, NY
Posts: 57
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Yeah one thing I notice a bout this was how I changed my pitch throughout the beat as far as line for line makin it sound smooth. I didn't realize that til I read it as if I was reading it for the first time. If I was able to do an audio version it would of had a better outcome. This beat was a bit challenging as far as the flow from start to finish.
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#8 |
Don't believe the hype
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 572
Battle Record: 4-5
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smooth flow through and through...props. another level
nice swag and tude
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What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope. |
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#9 |
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Harlem, NY
Posts: 57
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Thank ya man, means a lot!
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