hand dryers arent as cool as me

brokenhal0 · 06-27-2013, 05:08 AM

equalize step to real minds stop the snail lines of slow
inhale the highs and lows frail slimes get towed
it's limo service where i go less sleep less food more deep
real evil real rude american dreams are homeless
i eat real food seeds pop when the sunlight hits the soulless

fall out my space nikka we all out of place fallen
all out of space ballin circumference of the embryo
fungus belive in no gods yet won't say it in public
bullhorns bug lift the persian rug illusion
taking mescaline analogs in public observe my confusion of words
layed out tightly to make subconscious lives say superb

on the curb facing south your shadows graying flowers
looseing your mind slowly at a pace of 13 saints a hour
I turn vinegar to good wine grow grapes on hood vines
drying in the yard the shape of your spine
a song keeps the cobra charmed revaling your cards being scarred
the pain of being born of agent orange vitamin c
hand dryers aren't as cool as me

Dove Dozer · 06-27-2013, 07:21 AM

Theres a lot of nice multies in here. I see what you mean when you say your style is sloppy. I find that more the case with your content. Flow is great, but i find youre all over the place with the subject matter. Id like to read a topical piece of yours if you write like that.

Just Write · 06-27-2013, 09:57 AM

I'll feed your pieces after I see you feed someone else's. till then you get a head nod

Wise Wiggles · 06-27-2013, 10:03 AM

on the curb facing south your shadows graying flowers
looseing your mind slowly at a pace of 13 saints a hour
I turn vinegar to good wine grow grapes on hood vines
drying in the yard the shape of your spine

^ that's what I'm talking about

Coup · 06-27-2013, 03:00 PM

im glad I read cos, like why ways:

Quote:

on the curb facing south your shadows graying flowers
looseing your mind slowly at a pace of 13 saints a hour
I turn vinegar to good wine grow grapes on hood vines
drying in the yard the shape of your spine

that was nice.

the rest...choppy, boring intro opener...liked the cadence and the stutter...

brokenhal0 · 06-28-2013, 02:57 AM

thanks for the read everyone nogood (god) i can right topicals but i don't like to complain one will come to mind im sure

06-27-2013, 05:08 AM	#1
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 523 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 3891097	hand dryers arent as cool as me equalize step to real minds stop the snail lines of slow inhale the highs and lows frail slimes get towed it's limo service where i go less sleep less food more deep real evil real rude american dreams are homeless i eat real food seeds pop when the sunlight hits the soulless fall out my space nikka we all out of place fallen all out of space ballin circumference of the embryo fungus belive in no gods yet won't say it in public bullhorns bug lift the persian rug illusion taking mescaline analogs in public observe my confusion of words layed out tightly to make subconscious lives say superb on the curb facing south your shadows graying flowers looseing your mind slowly at a pace of 13 saints a hour I turn vinegar to good wine grow grapes on hood vines drying in the yard the shape of your spine a song keeps the cobra charmed revaling your cards being scarred the pain of being born of agent orange vitamin c hand dryers aren't as cool as me Last edited by brokenhal0; 06-28-2013 at 02:52 AM.

06-27-2013, 07:21 AM	#2
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	Theres a lot of nice multies in here. I see what you mean when you say your style is sloppy. I find that more the case with your content. Flow is great, but i find youre all over the place with the subject matter. Id like to read a topical piece of yours if you write like that. __________________

06-27-2013, 09:57 AM	#3
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	I'll feed your pieces after I see you feed someone else's. till then you get a head nod __________________

06-27-2013, 10:03 AM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	on the curb facing south your shadows graying flowers looseing your mind slowly at a pace of 13 saints a hour I turn vinegar to good wine grow grapes on hood vines drying in the yard the shape of your spine ^ that's what I'm talking about __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

06-28-2013, 02:57 AM	#6
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 523 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 3891097	thanks for the read everyone nogood (god) i can right topicals but i don't like to complain one will come to mind im sure