quick 12

[Just Write]

I view what most people call “Life” as a game
or more like a picture set inside of a frame.
frozen in time, cracked and broken inside
hoping to die, where no destiny’s change.
I picture my life at an inevitable phase
of failures I hide in my collection of shame.
I face hell every day, no heaven to turn to
no presence of virtue, just continuous pain
no significant gains, just the debt I’ve accrued
and death can't resolve all these afflictions obtained
in a pitiful place, but I’m not looking for sympathy
I just write to release all these consistent iniquities

[brokenhal0]

its a bit depressing but it's raw good stuff

[Dove Dozer]

Dope dude. Nice short bars made it flow great. Nice scheme too.

I really like how the first 4 lines set the pace. Nice aaba scheme. Loved it.

Short flex but well done homie

Holler

[Just Write]

thanks man, was just stressed when i wrote this
feel free to drop links man, you know i always rtf

[zygote]

It was strong and simple direct writing, like a minimalist style. Also enjoyed the narration it was very sombre while keeping that realism tone.

[Spoken]

Very strong diction here and the quick twelve says not only your creative wit I the spur moment but also how your pen game stays on an advantage of being diverse and original at the same time friend. The direction was straight forward and easily shown that your a writer just wanting to write but with is being a sort of vague appeal in a sense it becomes a mere phase that could easily rub off on anyone [/nohomo]

[CopyPat]

on some emo shit eh???

haha jk. obviously the flowing/scheming/smoothness etc is legit. not feeling the content really cause its too negative hahaha. but i understand ur just doin something different. no harm in that. keep posting. ill always peep. ur one of a few that i don't get bored reading