Dark Side Flow

High Voltage · 07-20-2013, 07:33 PM

I rushed into Roulette, on a bet, landed six red on three spins.
Figured out how to loose, Even If my only move is a Win Win.
Trying to muster up a grin… Just putting a spin on frowning.
No lifeguard on duty, Swimming with unruly sharks, Art of drowning.
Stomach growling, Feel like i can Scarf a mountain, and spit out an island.
Instead i eat Gourmet Ghetto Goulash… So all i spit out is violence.
You have the right to remain silent, Reciting the rest is Redundant.
Success smells like good music, Loosing Sounds putrid and repugnant.
Fuck it, I'll just keep strumming my Guilty Guitar.
Walk this life till it kills me, I've already built me an Internal Graveyard.

Coup · 07-20-2013, 09:22 PM

lot's of different things going on by reason of the metaphors used...swimming with sharks, scarf a mountain, spit an island...that was nice...lost the tie in to the opening Roulette bet set up as you went in, .....at the end i see you created a broad picture

I say lost because you opened with " I rushed into Roulette..." then you abandoned the first person for some more figurative narrative subjectively...

i feel this is missing a few things...can decide what...imho

good drop

Darth Yoda · 07-20-2013, 11:44 PM

Guilty guitar. Yum. Nice drop.

07-20-2013, 07:33 PM	#1
High Voltage Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 278 Rep Power: 0	Dark Side Flow I rushed into Roulette, on a bet, landed six red on three spins. Figured out how to loose, Even If my only move is a Win Win. Trying to muster up a grin… Just putting a spin on frowning. No lifeguard on duty, Swimming with unruly sharks, Art of drowning. Stomach growling, Feel like i can Scarf a mountain, and spit out an island. Instead i eat Gourmet Ghetto Goulash… So all i spit out is violence. You have the right to remain silent, Reciting the rest is Redundant. Success smells like good music, Loosing Sounds putrid and repugnant. Fuck it, I'll just keep strumming my Guilty Guitar. Walk this life till it kills me, I've already built me an Internal Graveyard. Last edited by High Voltage; 07-20-2013 at 07:37 PM.

07-20-2013, 09:22 PM	#2
Coup Don't believe the hype Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 572 Battle Record: 4-5 Rep Power: 0	lot's of different things going on by reason of the metaphors used...swimming with sharks, scarf a mountain, spit an island...that was nice...lost the tie in to the opening Roulette bet set up as you went in, .....at the end i see you created a broad picture I say lost because you opened with " I rushed into Roulette..." then you abandoned the first person for some more figurative narrative subjectively... i feel this is missing a few things...can decide what...imho good drop

07-20-2013, 11:44 PM	#3
Darth Yoda Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 408 Battle Record: 6-2 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF Rep Power: 20182439	Guilty guitar. Yum. Nice drop.