Nonsensical Crap

Mael · 07-21-2013, 06:11 AM

Delete this, thanks. Making some changes.

Split · 07-21-2013, 08:48 AM

Yesssss... Let the paragraphs flow through you

syncopated. like that shit. the opener was strongest, though "island life taught us life was stupid" and "I'm a guy whose shoes is tied with toothpicks" were two above average lines. didnt change up your schemes enough, paragraphs feel stale if you're not shuffling them around enough

good shit, ill be watching you...

Mael · 07-21-2013, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Split Eight

Yesssss... Let the paragraphs flow through you

syncopated. like that shit. the opener was strongest, though "island life taught us life was stupid" and "I'm a guy whose shoes is tied with toothpicks" were two above average lines. didnt change up your schemes enough, paragraphs feel stale if you're not shuffling them around enough

good shit, ill be watching you...

Aye cheers for the feed, mate.

Yeah, I spent about an hour just fucking with the same rhyme schemes, definitely will switch it up for my next piece. This was more of a freestyle paragraph (like you said), so appreciate it.

07-21-2013, 06:11 AM	#1
Mael Almighty Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 580 Battle Record: 2-3 Rep Power: 428844	Nonsensical Crap Delete this, thanks. Making some changes. Last edited by Mael; 07-21-2013 at 11:33 PM.

07-21-2013, 08:48 AM	#2
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	Yesssss... Let the paragraphs flow through you syncopated. like that shit. the opener was strongest, though "island life taught us life was stupid" and "I'm a guy whose shoes is tied with toothpicks" were two above average lines. didnt change up your schemes enough, paragraphs feel stale if you're not shuffling them around enough good shit, ill be watching you... __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com