Tomb vs. TheMuzzl3 [Tomb Wins]

[BROKE LESNAR]

Rebuttal Option (both competitors must agree to it at time of check in)

Due Monday 12am PST

[theMuzzl3]

check in

[Tomb]

In.

[theMuzzl3]

Tomb registered minutes ago... his heart still beating in the womb.
I assume there's limits to the room; time for netcees to give the broom.

[Tomb]

Put ya face on TV after this beating hoe, w/ these guns it's best 4 u 2 no show
Ppl'll tune in 4 ur LG n watch the pump leaving quarter of ya face gone like the logo

[Packed Graves]

No punch vs choppy wording = tomb

[Kin]

Muzz... u gotta learn to be creative my dude....look at what these dudes like for styles of punchlines an u will see what works...punch gotta make u go "ughh!" After u hear/read it... keep at it

Tomb ..the lg shit was dope I thought....cut out some words in set.up an it woulda been harder

Vote. TOMB raider

[Wordz AhGod]

feel the same as PG here.. I think Tomb had a good concept but his bar was far too wordy for what he was going for. TheMuzzl3 just reminds of the RB's "The Great Father".. troll legend status.

v/Tomb

[Tic]

Yea Muzz you really didn't have anything, man. You basically just rhymed. Seems like you could have some cool OM pieces though. Tomb was wordy as fuck but at least had a punch.

Tomb

[Camp Bell]

ehh...

both of these were wack but had maa potential to be dope
muzzle, it was just boring, get the broom and do what?
whats the limits in the room, how does all that tie into him
being in the womb? you have to be more creative. tomb, ur
punch was difficult to read cuz you use numbers in place of
words, which makes it sound choppy when you say it. nice
concept, just came off as stretched the way it was typed.

vote: tomb

[Blanco Bishop]

Tomb had a great concept. Punch worded badly tho.

Muzzle worded nicely but no real punchline. Use similes my dude. Easiest form of a punch.


V tomb

[El Muffin]

Tomb was choppy but the concept was cool

Muzzle was talking about elevator capacities n the quality of various broomsticks used in quidditch

[BROKE LESNAR]

Tomb had a creative concept but its execution was hindered by how prolix the bar was. My advice is to condense the bar. When constructing it, read it multiple times to see if there is anything you can omit or cut out of it without compromising the flow. Like I said, great concept. Just have to deliver it better.

Now, Muzzl3.

Originally Posted by theMuzzl3

Tomb registered minutes ago... his heart still beating in the womb.
I assume there's limits to the room; time for netcees to give the broom.

Your set up was awesome. They have been getting better and better. "Tomb registered minutes ago" was you vaguely setting up your concept. "his heart still beating in the womb" was you elaborating on the concept and supporting it with a subtle misdirected description, which is good.

"I assume there's no limits to the room; time for netcees to give the broom" wasted EVERYTHING you built upon in the setup. It had nothing to do with the concept you initially set in the opener. This line should have been used to deliver the punchline you were subtly hinting towards, instead you disregarded all the hard work you put into the concept. Don't assume anything. "no limits to the room" - are you referring to how many ppl are allowed in the hospital room during childbirth? If so, I get it. But this doesn't belong here. You aren't assuming ANYTHING when you're dissing somebody (of course you are). You know for a FACT Tomb is new to NC. You know for a FACT he is still green. Having limits in a room does nothing to progress your concept and NC giving him the broom is as light as a punch as you can get. You might as well have given him a 10 minute timeout on the couch while being hand-fed grapes and feathered by bratz dolls for being a pretentious faggot. Also, you didn't need to throw the "room" word in there to rhyme. It was unnecessary. You know what Muff talks ab with slant rhymes? Practice that.

It's either

blah blah rhyme, blah blah blah rhyme
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahbhbhblaaaah blaaaaah blah rhyme

or

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahbhbhblaaaah blah rhyme
blajajalajs hesitation, blalalalallakallalaahahahahaha rhyme

Don't put two rhymes the way you did in the second line (closer). It cripples whatever impact you were hoping for.

Hope that helps.

v-Tomb

[murda sho]

bad punch vs bad wording.. tomb's was the better of the two though, it was worded terribly though, muzzle's didn't even hit at all to me

v/ Tomb

[Kill Spree]

Terrible punch vs bad wording and played wordplay

Muzz I've seen better man. To generic and tombs wording was off plus I've seen LG plays. Enough for the win though

Vote tomb